Last night my best friend and i were at her boyfriends house. she had skipped her dance class due to an anxiety attack caused by her mom. so she ended up meeting me at her boyfriends house to chill for a little (by chill i mean to help her chill out and relax). but when she has anxiety attacks or panic attacks thats when she cuts herself. and she took something that i was not happy with, but i understood why she did. i held her hand and we talked. she was going to come home with me to hide and get away from her […]
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Scared
you know its intresting.I start to think more about what if i do succede what my death will mean if it actually happens.and a little bit o topic okay ive heard a lot of people saying barbiturates are the only medication that will kill you not you.Ive overdosed a lot in the past when im not cutting or burning or drinking nasal spray.I almost died from the use of sleeping pills and lithium which i was taken off of right after.Now i find there are different types of suicide.Some people i wouldnt consider suicidal cause there just bored with life its not really emotion.Some people […]
I always thought I was a strong, kind and confident girl who everyone relayed on and came to for help. I was a good friend. But whenever I did something kind, I never got anything in return. Society ruined me. I wanted to put my life on track again but it didn’t seem to work out. People made me nervous. They said words they never thought that I’d over think off at night.
I cry a lot and it’s pretty weird how I fake smile everyday and I pass through the day then, I remember everything at night.
I used to tell people they are strong and life goes […]
I don’t know how long I can keep doing this for. I had planned my suicide for last Tuesday but I got really drunk on Monday and told my auntie so my mum took me to hospital. Now everyone’s pretending like it didn’t happen. I have my exams in less than a week and it’s just another insignificant thing on top of everything else. Although it isn’t a priority teachers and college in general are making me feel lazy and stupid. I wish I could just end it now, go to sleep and never wake it. I’m not scared or upset that I want to die anymore, […]
I hate being alone..I always sit and wonder if its just me. I don’t like being alone, because sometimes, I’m just afraid of myself. I’m afraid that I’ll hurt myself, or cut. I’m very lucky to have a wonderful boyfriend who understands, and stays with me so I’m not alone, but even then, he needs to go home sometimes, and he needs to see his friends. But every time he leaves, I get mad. I get mad because I don’t want him to leave. I don’t want him to leave me alone with this demon that I have become. When he leaves, and goes out […]
I’m the good girl in my family. The smiling one. The girl who’s always offering to help out around the house. The girl my parents have never really had to worry about. I only ever argue with my sister, and I get on really well with almost my whole family. I’m the bright, spirited one. I have an opinion on everything, but I accept everyone. I’m the kind and loving girl and my parents constantly tell me how much I mean to them.
But that’s changed so suddenly.
In just a matter of days, I’ve fallen apart.
The thoughts have been there for years, but only now are […]
i was not cut out for this world. i dont know where to start so i wont im sure you have all heard it before anyway. does it ever get easier to accept? im such a coward because i know i can do it i know i can cut open a vein or suffocate myself with coal its fast its easy but im so afraid that if i back out half way then what? walk around explaing the scars or brain damaged from the fumes of the coal? does this mean i still have a sparkle of fight in me? todat i tried hard to […]
What society and God expects of me is hard. i don’t know if i can bear this burden, but no matter how sad i get i cannot give up.
im scared. and i dont know what to do anymore. i feel like im falling deeper into depression, and i cant take it. i cried like 10 times in the past few days. everything is so stressing to me. and i feel like things  are affecting me more. like im more sensitive for some reason. ive never been this sensitive. so its weird to me, and i dont know how to deal with stuff. i just want to be dead. i actually havent cut for months now. last time i cut it was all down my left arm. from elbow to wrist all covered. but […]
I am lost
In the sea of emotions.
Swimming isn’t my strenght.
“What if I drown?”
I think to myself.
The deeper I go
The darker it gets.
I want to be above the water.
So I won’t have to feel anything.
So… I lost another chance today. I was supposed to turn up at my teachers office at 9 am today. But, i got up late because my phone has no batteries so i couldn’t set the alarm. Still, i could have made it in 37 min, if only i hadn’t been staring into space so much. My teacher wanted me to write one of the essays he’d given us to do the subject before this one… One of them was supposed to be written in school with his supervision, and my remedial on that one was supposed to be today. The other THREE he wants […]
Is being kind such a bad thing?
Kind and caring; two traits I’ve been deemed with ever since birthed into this strange, cruel world.
It seems like a blessing, whatever that means, but feels ultimately.. like a curse.
When one lives for others they find no room for themselves; they’re squeezed out of their own personal schedules and discarded as if meaningless.
When someone feels this way.. how can they ever turn back?
I’m already gone from my mind; am I truly missing?
Or am I still somewhere in the vastness of my own memories..?
——————————————————————————————————-
Waiting […]
Has anyone on here ever been scared to post or comment? Or is it just me. I just cut myself, and earlier i burned muself.
Its been raining all day. so I wrote this.
Let it rain
The tears will pour
As your fists
Beat down my door
As long as you can go to bed
Rest your little pretty head
For I wont wake up
Next morn
My life has always been difficult. By the time I could talk, I was being molested by three men at the time. Both grandfathers (one of which being a step-grandfather), and an uncle. Later on, when my other uncle, who was about ten years older than I, saw what his father was doing to me, he began to molest and rape me, too. So it became four men that were abusing me in that way. The problem with that is everyone in my family thinks it’s only three men. Well, few know that BOTH grandfathers raped and molested me. NONE know that my youngest uncle […]
Tonight during dinner with my friends I left the table and walked away. Â I left my wallet, keys, and mobile phone behind. Â None of us realised that I wasn’t coming back. Â I don’t know where I went, exactly, but somehow I ended up at home. Â I must have broken in.
Why did I leave? Where did I go? Â When I woke up, my hands were dirty, and there were scratches on my arm. Â There was a knife stuck in the mattress next to me, but no blood.
My brain wants me dead, and I am scared.
So, what happened… Thursday night, I downed a bottle of medicine, because someone three fries short of a happy meal wrote on a website that “liquid is absorbed faster than pills.†So I thought… I die faster, and I fall asleep before I suffer. So much for that idea…
Obviously, my plan didn’t work. I didn’t have to go to the hospital or anything, though. I downed it, and my heart was pounding, to the point that I just knew I was going to die. So I laid down in bed, pulled the covers over my head, turned on Relient K, and tried to go to […]
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