My story began about 6 months back. I had quit my job at HP and was preparing for some competitive exams. One day I noticed a text from my old friend. She used to be so nice to me in college and I did her a lot of favors. She was a noob with computers so I helped her out a lot in those days. Â This was back when we were in college and well, that was about 2 years ago. Â All this time, I had only thought of her as a friend but seeing her text after all those days. created a sort of […]
Tag:
Self Respect
I am not a wall
I am not a door,
Why is it okay for me to always be ignored?
Lack of importance, lack of self-respect
Suicide conquers alot of people,
please let me be the next.
Day by day,Night by niight
No more battling
I can’t win this fight.
Scars are there to remind me, how I used to feel,
but I take a step back to look,
nothing seems to be real.
I go through the motions,
every fucking day,
but when you ask me what’s wrong,
I don’t know what to say.
Darkness is around me,
everywhere I turn,
Happiness is what […]
I loved you, I loved you so so much, but I could just never tell you, I wanted to keep you as my friend and I tried, I tried so hard to keep my friend. I always try so hard with you and I just can’t do it anymore, you don’t understand how much it’s hurting me that you don’t even acknowledge the effort I make, it might not seem like much but it’s hard for me to just let go, but i’m trying but I just don’t even see why anymore babe. I’m sick of of you throwing me aside for what you consider […]
It’s incredible to think that I have to stop here. But the pain is overwhelming. I am afraid of being alone. Too afraid. I have no family. I was abandoned by my parents when I was 6 and I never saw them again. Right now I have a GF who abuses me psychologically, she is a drug addict who cheats on me and I cannot leave her because I am too scared of being alone. Loneliness is my handicap and I can’t take it anymore. I have no self respect to say NO and way too much resentment towards her to be able to solve […]
I just cant explain it, I feel like I used to be so much more as a kid, so much better as a person. I used to like what I was, self respect and self trust were still real. I really hate who I have become, I used to think I was a diamond in the rough, now im deffinately not. Im still such a hipocrite. So much thought, I got my hands on a nice amount of great weed so ive just been stoned for 3 weeks now but hey, I figured out a method to keep from ever running out, so heres to […]
I used to joke that even if you lose everything …your money, your friends, your self respect… you always have sleep. That’s not even true. The nightmares, replays of each horrible day, are worse than my days. Sleep, once my only savior, is now just another one of my cruel enemies beating me down at every opportunity.
So each day I grit my teeth and wait for it to be over, and each night I lie awake waiting for the sun to come up. There is no escape from my diseased mind, except to blast it into 1000 pieces. God bless gunpowder.
I lost my family. I lost my self-respect. I lost myself. I started to build it back up. Now I’m losing everything all over again.
This life has been far too painful for far too long. Medication, self-help and counselling have all failed me.
It stops here.
I have always seen life as a quest. It works like a game plan. Every level gets tougher and the monsters and hurdles get more and more dangerous and difficult to cross. I don’t regret having my life but all I wish is to have someone who I can share it with. I did fall in love and then ended up with a crushed heart when the relationship ended. Occupying yourself definitely helps but the loneliness remains. I have plenty of friends but I miss the existence of the special one. Work can substitute thoughts but not feelings. I don’t know what I feel about […]
I was watching this movie called My S.O. Has Got Depression about a Man who gets depression and struggles to deal with it and how it affects his relationship with his wife. What I liked about this movie was how it well it depicted depression but for me what really made it hit home was Tsure’s (main  character) feelings of uselessness and how some of the people around him wouldn’t understand his depression and would approach him with a “you need to toughen up” approach to things. After watching the movie I read an interview about Tenten Hosokawa the author who wrote the book that […]
I can’t stand this. No one talks to me except to say “sorry†after they push me. People surround me in their own world—they don’t even see the girl next to them on a suicide website. All they see is a block sitting in the spot they want to stand in. I really hate these people. Always being a last-resort. Listening to them whine about nothing. On top of that I got an email from my dad this morning proclaiming that my life is at an all time low and that I should call him. I really hate everything right now. I feel so bad […]
I have gotten nothing but bad news for weeks now. One huge kick to the teeth after another. And it would be difficult for life to throw anything else at me that has not already been done. However, I have done a lot of thinking and have decided that I will NOTÂ just sit here and let all of these people take away my soul, my dignity, my self respect and my life. I am going to make a stand and become more proactive in these problems one at a time untill I reclaim what is rightfully mine. I want my life back. Sitting here […]
I feel like that again. Like all I can do is cry. And be depressed. And hate myself. My tears feel like razor blades. My heart aches. Yet again, I’m not who I seem to be. I’m empty. I’m scared… I want to be gone, so no one has to deal with the pathetic excuse for a person that I am. And so I can be done with this. Disgust is the only thing I see in myself. I’m the one who made myself like this. And there is no way to fix me. I depend on pills to keep me alive, to numb my […]
Used to be a golden boy as a kid. Smart, witty, charming, and good at everything I put my heart into. Grew up with and angel for a mother, protective, affectionate, caring, and strong who always supported and provided for me and my brother being a single mother.
She had lost two husbands to death in her life. My dad being the second when I was 8.
Lived as a kid with undiagnosed adhd, which resulted in denial of authority at school getting into trouble due to lack of attention, interest and fooling around. I used make people laugh disturbing the class with my humour.
When I […]
Hi all, It is very sad that we are forced, I am forced to live in a world that kills all life so freely and they justify it in their minds as either a good thing or a needed evil. Our world Governments kill without pause. But If I want to Leave what I view as a painful and unjust life I am considered of ill mental health. I have been diagnosed with major depression for many years. I have been on many drugs, did therapy from 1991 to 1997, I am 55 yo. Gay and blah, blah , blah. I am looking for a […]
Tired of everything!! 4 years ago my life was great had friends a home and finances were good but then parents lost their jobs. Lost my home, my friends and my self respect……. Ever since then I have moved a total of 6 times and each time the reason for moving again is because of the shortage of money. I was kicked out of school because we couldn’t afford it and missed out 2 years of education, now I back at school trying my best and I can cope with any of it, I’m failing at every corner!! One good thing happened to me……..one year […]
Just joined today…. I guess its true what they say about seattle having the highest suicide rate. Ill be the next statistic to add to that list. Its so fucking difficult to have any self confidence or self respect when no one around you doesane the things about me I like get made fun of whenvi share them. I guess it makes sense that the world which I’m in now is too far a cry from me. Like really how am I going to feel suicidale over a drug dealer boy rfriend who hasn’t got shit for himself? He makes me feel lower than scum […]
Sometimes I wish I’d never met you, so instead of being heartbroken every time you turned your back, just to come back like everything’s okay, I wish I’d never had to sit there and listen to you lie. You’re the reason I have no self-respect. I wish you’d abandoned me long ago instead of making me live through hell in your eyes every day. As much as you want me to forget, I never could. You hit him so hard across the face he couldn’t hear for damn near a week! I have scars from when you threw a PLATE at my head! Do you […]