While my name is Jonas i constantly feel like Jonah from the bible. Stuck in a whale and i try praying but i always find that when i think I’m out it was just mania. My parents never listen to what i say. I think maybe i should be homeless at the shelter just to avoid my triggers. They think I’m tripping on drugs, and i am heavily addicted to DXM. I can’t smoke weed because I’m on probation. Because of me being a fool and hitting my ex for cheating on me. I’ve lost myself and all sense of reality. My family doesn’t believe […]
Tag:
sexual
In time all foul things come forth…
Technically he raped me. The definition of rape is forcing someone to have sexual intercourse against their will. That’s what he did.
I’ve never really told anyone this. I’ve hinted about it to friends, but they were never that interested. I’m ashamed because it isn’t something you ever want to admit. Makes me feel weak.
It was St Patrick’s day last year, he was drunk. I humored him when he came into my room. I even humored him when he wanted to kiss me. But then he took it too far. I said no. He pinned my arms back. I always […]
So my sister found my account in some forum. Yesterday. My mother just told me some minutes ago.
They have been all this two days reading at my personal stuff. Things I’ve never said to them. My feelings, my private life. My sexual orientation doubts, my problems with friends, my problems with my father. All the things I’ve said about them. Also good stuff. When I met that girl. That night with that boy. Big parties with lots of alcohol, and those with something else. How they ended. Everything. I’ve been writing there since I was 17. Now I’m 25. Just imagine.
So, if I didn’t have […]
I have been in a lot of abusive relationships, and until now, I’ve always been able to fight my way to freedom.
But now…
I’ve developed Conversion Aphonia… meaning, because of the trauma I’ve suffered, the emotional, physical and sexual abuse, my voice… will no longer be there…
I can’t speak. I can’t laugh. I can’t even try. No matter how much I try, my body will not let me make a sound.
What am I supposed to do now?
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
I can not see myself living a long life based on what has occurred for the past 21 years. I feel like an embarrassment because the only thing I did was screw up things myself by allowing others to treat me like shit and go along with certain bullshit to feel accepted. I’ve developed a state of partial isolation because my lack of social interaction has resulted from be being afraid to become close to anyone and whenever I try to people think I am weird or mean because I am so timid to continue a conversation. When you have experienced sexual, physical, and mental […]
Its going on two years. Living with chronic pain. I
Tired to commit suicide. By over dos an cutting my wrist. But. I ended in a mental hospital for a few weeks. Im 25. I have a spine injury, kidney problems ulcer from being on pain meds. An just had an organ removed. I just found out I have a mass on my ovaries. I truly just want to die. Feel no more pain. My boyfriend of 6 years left me because I cant be sexual. The only person that matters to me passed. I told my doctors after two years of […]
Why do I deal with him?? Like am I really that stupid to continue to talk to someone who only wants me to talk sexual to him and when I don’t he flips out or confesses his feelings for me to try to get me to give in. Or he just randomly flips out on my because I like a guy and comes up with this horrible flaw about them when he is really describing himself. He makes me feel like complete shit 99.9% of the time. Why do I allow myself to go through that?? And why can’t I say this to […]
So there was this guy. I can’t stop thinking about him. He’s been on my mind for almost a year. He isn’t just any guy though. He’s an adult. He was there for me when I needed him. He’s my ex best friends step dad. She told him what was going on with me. He stayed up talking to me and he got me drunk.. I know it was wrong. I know I shouldn’t have drank. Things got awkward and semi sexual. I admit that that was wrong as well. But a part of me liked it. A part of me felt important. A part […]
I need help fml fml oh my god I can’t take life anymore. The girls at school won’t leave me alone, the guys hate me. I try to be nice but always wind up being the mean one because they hurt me. Freshman year sucks I only get 3 hours of sleep a day and every night I chug down 6-7 sleeping pills hoping I’ll die but sAdly wake up the next day. everyone thinks im a whore though I’ve nevr done anything sexual in my life. Im basically my little sister second mom. no purpose here. If I left nobody would really care. Maybe […]
I want to fall asleep & never wake up. Life feels pointless. It has my whole adult life. You struggle mentally, physically, emotionally, financially…and for what? You work your whole life, just to one day die so why not speed up the bullshit process. I am sick and tired of going through the motions. I don’t want to be doped up on anti-depressants. I don’t want to self soothe through sexual pleasure, with alcohol or drugs. I’ve called the suicide hotline, & the douchebag guy pretty much told me to suck it up. Don’t waste your time. Praying doesn’t do shit. After 26 years here, […]
I am sick of crying every day! big people don’t cry, right? Sick of it !!! Tired of all the BS. I really want to go on with my life I really do but something is always at the heart, major issue!!!! I have thought about suicide since I was a child and being molested by both parents….took my virginity…thanks Dad. I know, no one wants to hear about sexual & mental abuse, too uncomfortable, oh well, its out there every day !!!! The stats are highly under reported and disgusting. I moved to this apartment because there is a garage and that is a really […]
as a female I am constantly the objective in anything that is sexual. when I try to take a stand for ourselves we are crazy, whores, ect… you can use your imagination. well my bf and I recently got into this argument, why is it ok for him to watch porn n not me? long story short it seems to me there are double standards anyone else who can explain this?
10 years of gradual more mental ilness the more time has passed with an infinite maximum mental illness from a hernia losing sexual pleasure+lost childhood from anti depressant pills+alot of mental traumatization per mental illness+people being mean to me made me lose all my control of suicide homicide
basically,every suicide forum i went to made me want to kill myself more because they banned me for getting help to not kill myself
at this rate,theres a 2/3 chance that this very forum im posting this exact thing here onto will ban me and increase the likelyhoodedness of making me kill myself (due to me getting banned from […]
I have been taking the antidepressant Effexor combined with Wellbutrin. They seem to be stabilizing my depression but I have been having sexual side effect’s. I am not currently in a sexual relationship but It’s very frustrating not to be able to masterbate. I’ve been thinking of stopping my med’s in order to feel that, “feeling” again!!! It’s been months. I have been on just about every anti depressant and none have been effective. Any thoughts?
I have been thinking about this, and so I’ll post it.
I know we all suffer terribly, and I personally think suicide is a legitimate choice that people should be allowed to make… having said this there is something that that I do have a little problem with: PRACTICING ON YOURSELF!
I just remember working on the periphery of the medical profession for many years, and people who are all carved up or who have to have their stomachs pumped every couple of months are just not taken seriously. Medical staff, social workers, group home staff just simply wear down when clients or patients or CONSUMERS (what a friend’s […]
I have to leave this area. I live in East Greenbush NY and I have to get out. This is a horrible area to live in. To live here you either got to be rich and snotty or a druggie. The people here have bullied me all my school life going here until I transferred to an alternative school. I’m to the point I don’t talk to anyone from here anymore. I use to have friends who were decent and pretty cool. I knew there were rumors about me going around but recently, not too long ago I found out about some other rumors besides […]
2 years ago I took the medication propecia for 9 days. My life has never been the same. These last two years my life has been a living hell. I have so many problems now. I am impotent, fat, severely depressed, fatigue, muscle loss, brainfog, dry skin, weakness. Also my face looks aged now 10 yrs! I try to get on zoloft but the sexual sides are unbearable. My body barely tolerates psychiatric medicine now. I feel trapped. I really dont want life to be over because im only 25 yrs old. But im getting worse not better. And there are hundreds of other men […]
Hey i just checked out this site.. bc i been looking for ways to kill myself and.get over the fear of pain. I have accomplished. that and bc the girl im in love with chooses to ignore me she will see ill be dead within 2 weeks. Why wait you guys say. Well i did actually attemp to od and ju,p off a bridge into traffic but i puked before i took the pills and got scared. But i ha e done my research. I will die by a mix of pills and alcohol. I will drink till my bac is so high and take […]
Is it noteworthy when someone seeks out only those pornographic websites where women are being brutalized? I’m quite open-minded concerning other people’s sexual proclivities, but this one I can’t get past.