my life goes in a very predictable circle. I go a little while, recovering slowly bit by bit. Something goes wrong. I stop improving. Something else goes wrong. I start getting worse. Something else goes wrong, I give up on life, go back to cutting and drinking and drugs. Straw breaks my back, I try to kill myself. I find someone that says they really care about me, that asks for me to tell them everything so they can help. Things get better for a little while. Then the person snaps and can’t take caring for me anymore. I try to kill myself again. Repeat […]
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Shell
My life has always been about others. I changed, I acted, I stayed silent so that life would be easier for everyone else. I don’t think I’ve ever pursued anything for myself and that’s alright. I never expected anything in return for what I sacrificed, what I left unsaid. I’m ok with being the punching bag, because if it wasn’t me it would be someone else, and no one deserves this. After a while, you start to savor the pain. It’s an acquired taste.
Being alive slowly killed me. Now I am just a shell. An empty body. I can’t quite reach the other side because […]
she was like a mom to me, a figure i never had before,i loved her when she was gone, and i hated her when she was around, she was either in an over protective mood were she drove me crazy, or in a cool person mood, were you could tell her anything and not be scared,i was never use to someone being so protective over me, i was always use to being kicked out of the house and left to sleep out side under a pine tree,where noone wondered or cared if i was even alive,but with her,if i came in the door a minute […]
Hi guys, I hope every is feeling better today, even its just a little better, better is better.
I have started teaching at the weekends, its one of the ways i cope with my deppression, i used to be seriously depressed a few years ago, after a few trips to the er a few weeks in rehab and with the help of a new found friend i have my life back.
I work in a rape crysis center, so i talk to people on prohibly the worst day of there lifes, its tough and it tears me upinside, but i achually get to help someone it makes it all […]
Hi @ all
Firstly I would like to say that I am happy to have found this site.
Talking about me…. where do I start?
I have been suffering depression for most of my life (I guess). My father was a drunk, sexually abusive and beat my mum and whoever else was in his path. The nightmare ended when I was 12 and they got divorced (good news). Teenage life is never easy – I won’t bore you with it. Got married for the first time when I was 20. Life appeared fine. In the mid 90’s I was pregnant with my first baby, my little daughter was […]
they say im in “la-la land.” i like it here, nobody’s mean to me. am i the happy girl everyone thinks i am? or is that just a shell that covers whats really there. do they think i dont care about not having friends? they could never be more wrong. if anyone knew i was really a depressed, suicidal, freak, than the rejection would be so much worse. i would love to kill myself and see if anyone noticed. even if they did, they wouldnt care. nobody cares. my whole life feels numb. i never really thought of myself as a cutter. i guess i […]
My heart is breaking. i cannot do this anymore. i’m just a shell of who i was, im no longer there, so why do you try to keep me here, when it’s not me anymore? my demons have overpowered me, the voices in my head have overpowered me, and the people have too….
i cannot keep living this way, i will not survive the physical and emotion pain anymore. im sick off this. i cant keep living. it hurts to wake up in the morning. i wish i could be strong like him, but i cant. It hurts to breathe. I wish […]
I’ve been on the end of my rope now for about a week. So many things have been going wrong and getting so much worse. The reality of physically not having anywhere to go after I move out of the dorms for the summer is really starting to sink in. I tried to convince my boyfriend that we should stop seeing eachother to make it easier for him when I go. I can really see that there’s no getting better for me. I feel like it would be easier for him if we weren’t together when it happens. He was so confused and it made […]
I’m so very afraid of failing. I have failed myself; I have become weak and patheticly sad. I have lost my ability to fight, tread on, or at very least endure. I failed my parents and any other relationship that became an affair of the heart. I am failing my children.  I am failing in my career and by the time my divorce procedes and finalizes, I will only be a financially failed shell of my former self.  –But most of all I am afraid of failing at suicide.
I am as empty as I am alone.15 years of fighting my impulses and depression has left me little more than a shell.I’ve been waiting for life to show me that it’s worth living,but I think I’ve lost the point somewhere along the way.I feel like I’m drowning.I don’t talk to anyone about the way I feel,and noone seems to care.I’ve done and been through so much,but it’s never the good stuff that stays with me.It’s the pain and heartbreak that haunts me.My pain has far outweighed my ability to cope and it seems like things get worse every year.I destroy everything I touch and […]
I dont know wether this will work, ive never raly spoken to anyone before about my problems, i always take things on myself. Why does it seem that everytime you try to do something good it always goes tits up and people hate you for it? I was bullyed as a child, i dont know weather thats why im writing this today, what i do know is that it lead to my insicurity and the fact i dont tell anyone anything. Ive only ever opened up to one person, i loved her, she made my life have a purpose for the first time. The purpose […]
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