My life has been so unhappy for the short time I’ve spent here. I was diagnosed with depression and PTSD when I was only sixteen. My high school experience was horrible. I remember starting high school, I was so happy, excited, full of life. I remember one day walking up the stairs talking to a friends and they asked me how I could smile all the time for no reason. I can’t even remember the last time I truly smiled. I had an amazing group of eight girl friends, we had been close since middle school, then everything changed when I started hanging out with […]
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Short Time
Hi guys! How have you been? I have some good and then again some bad news… I have girlfriend : ) She is like all I ever wanted, and I couldn’t ask anything more when I have her by my side ♥ We have been together almost two months now, but we have secretly been in love with each other over half a year.. so we are happy that we can finaly be together now!
But there is one problem I haven’t talked with her about yet.. And it’s her ex. Her exgirlfriend, who died last year. I know that year is very very short time […]
All the crazy emotional experiences have come and gone. Years has passed and time heals all wounds. Yet, here I am with all goals killed and/or died. I shouldn’t have made it through the experiences I experienced. Now here I am alive and empty. Somewhat like Salmon spawning. They swam upstream and laid their eggs. But unlike the salmon dying soon after, I’m still alive.
I’m not a young kid. I’m 50 and have a career. Here is my story. I lived the American dream. No, not a millionaire but I am ok making 89K a year. It all started about 5 years ago. At […]
This is mental torture. My brain wont allow positive feelings and pleasures, it rejects them like foreign territory. It is not used to positivity so it doesnt know what to do with it. It teased me by making me feel confident and excided and content and motivated for a very short time then slaps me back in the face and replaces these good feelings with guilt anxiety paranoia saddness bordome and fear. It feeds these thoughts into my mind virtually automaticly , thoughts like “you are undeserving to feel content, get praise, . You are a bad person your doing it all wrong, you cant […]
So a few of you knew how my mom threatened to kick me out the other day.
Well it’s happening for real. Tomorrow I’ll be packing my stuff in preparation to move out of my house and into someone else’s. There’s a couple at my church willing to let me stay in their home, so I’ll have a place to stay.
I’m 15. My mom got kicked out of her house when she was 13. My dad left his house when he was 16. I guess you could say we all moved out early.
Anyway, I just want to let you guys know that this […]
I’m so angry! Everyday I go to school and I only get humiliated by my classmates. At PE(and other classes) no one wants me as a partner. When I stand close to them they go further away from me and when they have no choice left but to choose me because there is no one left anymore they say ‘Not that one’ or ‘Tsk’ and sometimes they even yell at me if I do something wrong by mistake. I don’t get it. WHY ME? I don’t smell bad and I shower everyday. I’ve done nothing wrong with them to be treated this way.
Everytime they do […]
I’ve kept this facade of being happy in school for so long, so when I was telling my friend about this (she’s kind of my best friend), she asked me is this how I really am?
Like happy( that’s how I come across in school) and can make people laugh because of my randomness.
But I told her at home I’m not happy because everything is tense and well… NOT happy…
I wish I could tell her EVERYTHING…but I literally CAN’T, like I get this cold felling that spreads from my finger tips everywhere. And I can’t always rely on people to listen to […]
For the last 5 years i have been feeling like my life lead me to the middle of nowhere. I become more invisible day by day and others care less and less about my presence. You might say its because i don’t communicate or interact with world, but no, it would not be true. It is just because i just don’t fit in, and my attempts are noticed just for a short time and i always end up alone and disappointed. No matter how funny or talkative i am for one moment in the next one i am just gone. It seems others make friends […]
I’m a monster. I destroy everything I touch. I’m a freak.
These are the thoughts that have plagued my mind for the past two years. It all started when I lost my best friend in 9th grade. After she joined band, we got into different social groups. I always had issues with making new friends, so I became her “stalker”. She began to distance herself from me, and I began to threaten to cut myself to get her to talk to me. At first the threats weren’t serious, but threats always turn into promises. When the cuts eventually lost its effectiveness, I began making suicidal threats. […]
I’m depressed in really weird streaks. I’ll be to the point where I need to cut every freaking night and think about suicide for a while, and then it will let up for a short time, I still won’t be happy, but I won’t be cutting. It also always seems to strike worse in the night, thats when I usually really feel hopeless.
I don’t know why it changes. If I think about it, I always feel alone, with no prospects for meaningful friendships. I never get hopeful, just not depressed. Does this phenomenon happen to anyone else?
I am so fed up with seeing and hearing, It gets better. DO I CARE?! if it gets better for you, great. I am even happy you don’t feel down anymore, but I DO!! the only way things will get better is by suicide. people claim to care, but they lie. they all lie. i have been betrayed and lied to so much in such a short time span i can’t even trust my own dad!
I set a date for myself last week. I’ve been counting it down since then, day-by-day.  Every day that I count down makes me feel almost…hopeful.  What irony, huh?  I don’t know whether I’m going to be able to follow though, when the time comes, but I’m seriously going to try. I’ve been making concrete plans and actually doing things to make come about.  I won’t give away the actual method (since we’re not really supposed to do that here), but let’s just say it’s going to be as quick as possible, with little chance for any mistakes.Â
I’m trying not to be selfish about this, […]
I’ve always felt out of place in this world. Someone somewhere made a mistake. I don’t belong here. And I’ve always felt it.
I made one unsuccessful attempt to leave. It happened seven years ago. I was so angry when I woke up and was still breathing. Then, for a short time I thought maybe I can stay here after all.
But I was wrong to ever think that. I’ve always known deep down I didn’t have it in me to make it….to live a full life. I accepted it when I was just a boy. Now I’m 32, and I am getting more and more […]
I had it all ready. Everything was in place. Time. Method. I was scared, but I knew that I just had to overcome that fear. This was going to be like ripping off a bandaid: it was going to hurt for a very short time, but in a little while, its existence in the first place would be forgotten.
I told the only two people in the world who would care or it would impact in the slightest. The one had known for months (lets call her Olympia). The other I had only known for a few weeks, but we are very, very close because we […]
Sorry, everyone, but tonight you are going to read what my best friend so aptly describes as “The inessential ramblings of a disconsolate teenager”. I write on many subjects, love being one of them. This is meant to be a song, but I can’t write music, so it’s just lyrics. I wrote this a few weeks ago. For all of those heartbroken tonight, I feel your pain. As always, FEEDBACK IS HIGHLY APPRECIATED (as are suggestions for a title).
I used to try
To separate reality from the lie
To keep my dreams distant
Especially while you were present
Because my mind has a mind of its own
It has a […]
This week has been the best week of my life … i love this kid named Jamel .. he is my boyfriend…. we only have been dating for a short time but i feel like i know him so much more…. he means everything to me . i’m glad to have met him. he told me he loved me .. we have been kissing like every second we can .. i love him more than anyone ive dated before.. he is the sweetest guy I’ve dated before… he is the sweetest and kindest .. and HOT !!! i love him this one is short but i […]
I wrote my first blog here earlier last year:Â A Wasted Life… and hopefully my last is going to be posted sometime next year. This one was quite unplanned and most unexpected but after thinking about it for a little while, I just had to go ahead and write it… okay, so here goes. I live with two people who I greatly care for but one of them’s like seriously terminally ill and he isn’t really capable of taking care of himself anymore, he’s also extremely isolated now since he’s pretty well housebound most of the time. I’ve been living with him for years, trust me […]
I am 28 yrs old. I am your typical white guy. I am married to a beautiful women be she doesn’t live with me.   I use to own a business but with the economy I had to shut down. I have had a rough life I spent 9 yrs in stae and federal prison. I went in when I was 18. I came out reformed and ready to work. I met my wife who was my sisters best friend about 4 months after i was released. I started a moving business and did great with it. i was able to do more stuff with my life in […]
I thought furiously about how I was going to let my parents know, would an email be so bad. If I sent an email they would know straight away, but would they have the computer on, would they even check their emails. I know I didn’t, in-fact it was very rare I checked mine, I would normally have at least 100 emails to make my way through as I left it so long before looking. It does seem a little impersonal, but how else would I let them know. I put the thought to one side as my thoughts redirected themselves to the […]