for the first time last night I tried to commit suicide. I was drunk and on valium, my lover who had just finished fucking me left to go home to his girlfriend. A month ago I had a boyfriend and on a saturday night would I too would have someones arms to sleep in. I was angry and felt used, nostalgia overwhelmed me so I downed 10 pain pills and the remainder of my alcohol before throwing the bottle at the wall. I picked up a glass shard and ran it down my arm. I ran outside my apartment and hysterically cried whilst I smoked […]
The theme from the short lived series Enterprise. This song sort of describes my present state of mind, appropriate for where I feel my journey is headed.
It’s been a long road
Getting from there to here
It’s been a long time
But my time is finally near
Well. Short story is,, I am suicidal. I have no reason to live anymore. I don’t know what to do….
“he has a big nose, his eyes are too far apart, he looks weird, his hair is fucked, he’s too fat, he’s too short, he’s not muscular enough, he’s not cool enough, he doesn’t have a good enough job, he has a shitty car, he has a shitty apartment, he doesn’t have enough friends, he doesn’t have enough hobbies, god his life must suck.”
– The Human Race
So, tonight I go to church with my girlfriend but she seemed to be to herself so I begin communicating to her god sister who made me highly frustrated. So, I speak to my girlfriends friend and so on. No physical contact with any of them, no intimate talk just laughing and having a good time. And every now and then I tried bringing my girfriend in but she just wouldnt. Later I text her god sister apologizing for being sensitive as she told me she was joking. Even later I text my girlfriend and let her know im home and ready to call her […]
I don’t think I ever said exactly what it was that landed me back here– don’t worry, for once I’ll be brief. There isn’t much to say.
Last year was quite frankly the worst period of time I’ve ever had to suffer through in my short, miserable life, from New Year’s day all the way through to the end of December.
This year, since its very start, has been nothing short of completely calm.
Nothing terrible has happened.
Nothing new. Nothing even especially distressing.
And yet here I am.
Still.
I can’t recall having ever hated myself or my existence among the living as much as I do currently, and this […]
After what seemed like forever of agonizing over my short story, it’s finally complete. Free of grammar errors, and everything.
I chose to write about obsession. It’s toxic and beautiful, all at the same time. The story feature two young boys, blood pacts, and an abundance of flower references (there’s a list with their meanings on the last page, so you don’t have to google them). I call it Hazelnut and Honeysuckle. You can read it here: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1_hYu-7W-pGpTd4qitNZg1DRrl5hHbu_-EjbxZ06njIM/edit
None of you will probably read it, but I can honestly say I’m proud of this. It’s fairly well written, and people have liked it thus far. I […]
Hello. Idk where to start. I’ll make it short. So,long story short. I have extreme social anxiety/phobia. The worst thing is I get so sweaty whenever a girl passes by lol. I haven’t talked to a female until today more than just few seconds. I believe this is the only thing keeping me behind in everything because I don’t usually get anxiety attacks when I’m out around males.
So, I was thinking to get a female genuine true friend online who might’ve social anxiety or whatever it would be,whether depression or something else, So we could help each other in a two way street. Give […]
My relationship with my mind is tumultuous at best. For most of my life I’ve had depression. Which is fine. It’s the only emotion I know fluently, and it has always been there, like an imaginary friend. Since I knew the nature of the beast I accepted depression as a fact of life, even to the extent I believed everyone was depressed.
I am more creative when I’m depressed. I can pop out decent poetry and short stories with little effort. My cooking and impromptu recipes are always more flavorful. I can draw very well, and music always sounds better.
When I’m not depressed, nothing meets my […]
I’m going to miss the rain. I love rain so much. It’s comforted me many times throughout life. I’ll miss the feel, the sound, the smell, the cool breeze. I wrote a stupid, short, song about rain once in the 5th grade and I still sing it nearly every time it rains.
“I can hear the sound of rain. I can see the beauty of rain. After every rain there’s a rainbow”.
I wish it rained everyday. My two favorite things ever are rain and dogs.
ob·ses·sion
?b?seSH?n/
noun
the state of being obsessed with someone or something.
“she cared for him with a devotion bordering on obsession”
an idea or thought that continually preoccupies or intrudes on a person’s mind.
plural noun: obsessions
“he was in the grip of an obsession he was powerless to resist”
So my short story is about obsession, not love. It’s kind of poetic, actually, or so I’ve been told. Read more here: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1qzldTyxHx99uPfQ0Cdt-st5LwKzZ158d21aeP34IC68/edit
Everyone crys or hurts after a break up. If you don’t, than you didn’t really care anyway. If I tried to off myself after every relationship that went sour, surely it would have worked…
You really can get over these people. It just takes time, depending on the person. The boy I dated before this guy, we were together a year and a half. I thought I loved him, but I loved the idea of him. I was lonely and in a new city. He offered me free drugs, had a nice car, and put up with my drinking. The sex was awful, but what did […]
“Yeah. I’m fine. Just tired”
“No. I’ll be okay.”
“Yeah. It is a nice day.”
“I’m happy.”
These are a few of the lies
The ones we tell all the time
Thes are a few short lines
From a book we continue to write
We don’t want them to see
For fear that they too will leave
So we hope and pray that we fit
And all the while faking it
I don’t know who I am
I don’t know what I want
I don’t know what […]
So I went to see my counselor today and it seemed like the biggest waste of time. I’ve always suspected this is her first job out of college. I thought I organized my thoughts pretty good with her, but she really had no insight to offer me. I’m not really ready to say she’s not a good fit because last time I saw her I thought things went pretty well. Anyone who’s been following my story knows I’m going through a divorce. I shared with the counselor that I was bewildered by my soon to be ex’s new found niceness and and she really had nothing to […]
Okay, so here is the link to read what I have written so far of my short story. I’ll be updating it probably daily, and would really like your opinions on it. Thanks.
I woke up in a better mood than usual today, and I can’t tell if that’s good or not. Like the calm before the storm of something like that. I hope it’s not. I want it to just be over.
Anyway, I just wanted to post that it was a good day and I finally started my short story. It turned out to be easier than I thought once I got the ball rolling. It still isn’t really a coherent story just yet, more like a bunch of scenes that I finally typed up. But I’m working on it. Wish me luck.
I enjoyed your third person rants
Reminded me of our likeness to plants
I feel the mods didn’t understand
Still it sucks that you were banned
While my time has been short
I felt your posts, comments, purport
I guess, perhaps I’m just feeling lonely
I knew you in name only
You had something to say
I enjoyed your comments, seemingly astray
Just watching the sand trickle down the glass. Feels like time is short. I’m not afraid anymore. There’s not even any anticipation. Just a feeling of inevitable fact. Like punching in on a time clock, knowing you’ll be punching out on that same time clock shortly. Just a perpetual circle that is fated to be broken. Maybe I will be back, maybe I won’t. Either way, will it even matter. Going to try to ride out the next few days and attempt to ignore the eternal fishing pole that is calling my name. It’s getting harder and harder to drown out and I know I’ll […]
I have done many substances in my short 22 years on this planet , overdosing several time. From coke to pills , but by far the easiest was heroin.
my friend shot me with a huge dose and I immediatley lost all connection with reality. I could not feel my body I could hardly see , I couldn’t hear or taste . My senses were literally taken from in an instant. You would think this sensation would he scary but thankfully I remained somewhat oblivious to my state. Looking at the panicked expression on my friends faces. My conscious was pushed to the back of my […]
Ever been so desperate for a change that you jumped head first into a bucket of bleach? Yeah. I got to that point. Desperately needed something new. What is it about small changes that makes me feel better for a little while? Why does that seem to hold me over for a few days? Its still me. So why does it make such a big difference in my attitude for a short time? I feel okay today. Even after waking up to heartbreaking news. […]