didnt sleep at all , all i thought about was how bad today was going to be , just so happy i dont have school.
OK most of you dont know me in  person , so my mum and dad divorced when i was 6 and then when i was 7 my mum made me my sister move away from my dad because my grandpa was sick and my mum wanted to be with him a few years after that i started being bullied in school because i was different i wore glasses , i wasnt fat i weighed 110 pounds (just all the other girls […]
The strangest and weirdest thing about recovery is comparing who you are now to who you were before. It is also one of the most amazing and yet bitter-sweet and almost heartbreaking things.
About a year ago, the suicidal thoughts fully took hold of me, they’d been there for a year or maybe more, but I’d been preoccupied with various other things and hadn’t really given the idea of taking my own life very much thought. But for whatever reason, last March I became completely filled with a desire to fall off the face of this earth. To begin with, it was a case of wanting […]
And the rest may soon too.
Some of you know my story already. Well, I/m getting older every day and as a 22 year old female in this society, youth and beauty are the only value that can be given to a man in a relationship. I spent (wasted) two years of my best years and now my value has declined. I know this sounds harsh, Â but men become more attractive as they age and women–well, in society’s view– become bitchy, controlling, bitter and sexually invisible after a certain age. Biologically, men are wired to be attracted to youth and thus, fecundity.
Anywho, I’ll save my ranting. […]
Is there a method that will just look like a suicide attempt but I will wake up few days later in a hospital,after a few days of peaceful sleep?Sometimes I just think that failed suicide attempt is the only thing that will show me whether certain people still care about me…and if I would find out they do,maybe I would no longer want to kill my self and the terror would stop
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WFjKJc-Sn-w
Beautiful and vibrant as can be,
That’s how they remember me,
So far from what I used to be,
I hid from the world; you see,
Skin so smooth and fair,
Now scarred and dry,
I still have my beautiful hair,
But I changed so much it makes me cry.
I cry myself to sleep when no one’s there,
Trying to accept the damaged look,
So much lost; I can’t even start where,
Dusty covers, lost pages, judge the book!
Of all clichés this one I will never forget,
Passing through life betwixt and between,
In the end all you’re left with is regret,
Was I made […]
I finally started talking to my counselor because I need help. Biggest mistake ever. She told me if I was going to commit suicide she had to tell my parents. She lied. I told her I think about it a lot. Now I sleep on my parents floor like a dog. Everyone talks to me like I’m about to die. I really messed up. I don’t think anyone would ever understand how much I care for my family. They are all I have even if that’s not much they made mistakes but I don’t like to stress them out or make them cry. I wish […]
I am everything that I can be
So let this all just end for me
I’ve said my piece and played my part
And it’s set in stone; I’m faint of heart
This world grows crueler as each day dawns
Brutal and fit for kings not pawns
I am not one among that class
And I have not the will to last
I’m tired of this pain and hurt
And have no delusions of self worth
Regardless of the future pain
I wish not to wake again
I am of no consequence
No sung hero of grand event
Just this sorry bag of meat
Who finds living too […]
I think I hate myself… no wait, I know I hate myself.
I’m just sick of everything. I’m sick of the pressure to try and fit in, to try and have friends, to look good so people talk to me.
I’m sick of being a people pleaser, of hurting other people.
I’m such a f*cking *****.
I wish i could stop thinking straight. I wish I could let go of my obsessions. I wish I could run away and be alone forever. I wish I could slash up every inch of my body. Anything to get away from this f*cked sense of reality I’ve learned […]
I’ve never felt right on this earth. I’ve been depressed and made small attempts (self harm?) since primary school. I had a loving (if alcoholic and over controlling) mother who took her own life by car exhaust when I was 12. My sleep pattern got fucked, school work started slipping and I started cutting. I got close to a full attempt and chickened out at the last minute when I was 14. My dad was just really angry and refused to let me seek help. I had a grief counsellor, but I’m not sure […]
What is life? What is death?
Such words countlessly repeated.
What is after? What was before?
A bird in a cage has no use for such answers.
Brocken wings, muted songs,
For life will exhaust them before long.
What is this wonderful world you speak of?
I look, I search,
I desperatly yearn for a revelation.
But I see grey, I see ugliness,
I see the bars in hoplessness.
When all smiles could faked and all cheers could be fabricated,
Even love will be twisted.
What is remaining? What should I be searching?
Only the self satifaction of daydreaming.
Let me sleep, let me dream, let me wander away from my cage.
I don’t want this heart anymore
I’m sorry I don’t meet their expectations for me.
I’m sorry I can’t find the motivation to work hard anymore.
I’m sorry I thought they would always be there for me.
I’m sorry I can’t stand the sight of my own reflection.
I’m sorry that I always sleep too much or not enough.
I’m sorry that I feel the need to lie to everyone about my feelings.
I’m sorry for wanting to kill myself,
and I’m sorry for not offing myself already.
I can’t believe it.
She’s gonna die. She hasn’t died yet, but she’s on the brink.
My BEST FRIEND who has cancer is going to be gone forever. I just don’t know what to do! I can’t help her because I’m not magical, but I can’t help feeling that I’m supposed to do something. Seriously, I’m just lost.
She has an overall positive attitude about it, on the outside. But if you have a best friend, you can tell when they are actually fine and when they are scared shitless. She is scared shitless, and who can blame her?
She has less than a year to live. What am […]
I grew up in the church. Hell, I should say I was the church. At many of the churches I attended, my five older siblings, my parents, the pastor, and I made up the whole congregation. But that didn’t matter. Because the God I knew and loved was there. He was in my church, he was in my thoughts, he was in my life… but somewhere along the lines, one of us left. Now, it’d be easy to point fingers and say that I left. After all, I’m the human being shaped in iniquity, and He’s the all-knowing God. But me? Why would I leave? […]
Waking up–that’s the hardest thing for me to do. I find myself tired all of the time. It’s not so much that I am physically tired as it is that I am mentally tired, and my brain transmits the feelings of hopelessness, helplessness, and restlessness to the rest of my body. My dreams are a blur… images of things that I can’t get to make sense, my meaningless days played back and forth for my mind to review. Scenes for my brain to recount so it can ask itself, “What went wrong?” and “How the hell did we end up here?” Sleep is supposed to […]
By any means, I am not a ray of sunshine. I can’t help it. I’m only a teenager and I’ve basicly given up on life. I have no hopes for the future.
I used to want to be a journalist. I wanted to move back to Ireland and write about everything and anything. I wanted to get married and have a kid or two. I just wanted something out of life, but now I feel nothing. I feel numb. I just don’t know what I actually want. I had plans to do marvelous things with my best friends. But now, since one’s dead and the other […]
I’m bipolar II.
That’s like a bipolar I without the happies.
The fellow that I thought was one of my last friends always told me that if I needed help, I should not run away again, but call him.
I did. Â I did not tell him that I had gotten much much sicker in the head. Â I’d been hearing voices for a while and didn’t notice until now. Â I was getting help from my doctor, but I wasn’t sure how far it would go. Â Hospitalization? Â I had no idea.
I was going to the hospital the next week, so I wanted to line things up with the fellow. […]
I
this all actually started a long time ago , in my first grade they were lots of kids who hated me for no reason they called me names they were spitting on me and once almost hit me but i ran away.
it was like that for a long time and since the 6TH grade i started cutting they stopped bulling but i started cutting i was in a depression  i felt lonely like nobody loves me.
everynight i cry myself to sleep
now im in 8TH grade i […]
I walk upon this lonely road in a garden of the damned,
Where everyone will sleep one day and the ones who want to rot.
Their flowers wilt and spoil and brown from famine;
It isn’t true when people say they haven’t fought.
There’s blood among roses and posies and wildflowers,
And you don’t need thorns to make it so.
They slowly bleed up to the final hour;
Then nothing can save them and they feel alone.
There’s blood in the leaves and blood in the trees, everything decked in crimson,
No one seems to notice – except us, we do;
I wonder if they’re […]
I feel numb right now, Â maybe of the anti depressants im taking, they make me feel weird. I cant sleep even though ive taken enough sleeping tablets to knock me out 3 times. I dont have anyone to talk to. I dont have the energy to write details, but here is my basic story.
My life for as long as I can remember has been unhappy, Ive been physically & mentally abused all my life. It made me insecure, I developed an eating disorder, self harmed and was suicidal a long time, I told myself when i’m older I wont feel like this and it will […]
The spoiler of Life.      HOPE
Hope ,that last  line that keeps you hear grounded.
Hope also brings  along for the run, Faith.
The belief that it will get better. Faith
Witch also stands along side with religion .
IF anyone can stop you He can. By witch name do i call you.
ARE YOU Â the ALL FOGIVING GOD , will you forgive me for what
ive done. Or will you judge me a coward and plugs my soul to hell.
wait is their even a heaven ? In my sleep i fine freedom from my
mind consent war . The peace i seek is their , No more pain, Nothing
simple sleep  is this what death is like? […]
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