I don’t think I will amount to anything. I feel as though, there is no hope for me. With my condition, no one will stay around enough to love me. I drive everyone away. I can’t find people to love me and stay by my side to help me through this. I am at a loss…I feel like I amount to nothing. I am being selfish. I know there will be people who will need me if I stay alive, but…there’s reason to die. Everyone I loved, I drove away. I am harsh when I’m upset. I hate myself afterwards. I can’t decide if I […]
Tag:
Sleep
You say suicide is selfish , but your the one who caused me mental and physical pain. You say you want me to be happy… but then you call me a whore and a worthless piece of shit.. and you expect me to just forget about that. You say your not calling me names your just saying how it is, saying i’m an immature freshman, and that killing myself is ridiculous and i shouldn’t joke about it and you feel bad for me. But you think i’m joking , i’m not the immature one you are , i’m not saying i want to commit suicide […]
I just can’t do this anymore! Every single day my urge to kill myself gets stronger, all the pain just keeps building up and I can’t take anymore and I break down. I have nothing and no one. The only person who ever understood me passed away a few weeks ago and all I want is to join him. I have been trying so hard for three years to turn my life around but it’s only gotten worse. Every night I cry myself to sleep because I’m scared, scared to wake up the next day to even more pain and confusion. I’m terrified of myself, […]
I realise now that I have a problem. Actually scrap that, I always knew. The difference is that I am now ready to admit that I have a problem. So much has happened in my life and being the stubborn person I am, I pushed it all inside and pretended it didn’t matter. Now it has all come at me at once. Flashes of trauma, whether they be emotional, physical and even the few sexual from my past have come back and I can no longer live normally. I don’t sleep (without medication or alcohol), I barely eat, I’m always so sad, angry or anxious. […]
I’m feeling so much right now that I am unable to express it. I’ve always been like this. Words cannot describe the feeling inside my soul. I still go on but I am also stuck.
I really see no reason to go on. I do but without reason and filled with nothing. Empty. I have trouble validating anything exists. If it exists then what is my reason for living? To work wearing women’s outfits though in my soul I am a male? To hide my true self …what’s left of it? I don’t want to be apart of a plan if there isn’t one. […]
I am writing this not so much so people can comment, but because I know writing it down makes it a little easier and I find it alot easier to show/talk about this to strangers rather than feeling like I’m a nuisance to my friends. Also, I’m just going to stick to the main events, seeing as the others aren’t that important.
Last year I had a suicidal friend. He was like a brother to me and after the first time he told me he felt suicidal, I could tell the signs for the future. When I could see the signs or if he told me […]
“I don’t know if you’ve ever felt like that. That you wanted to sleep for a thousand years. Or just not exist. Or just not be aware that you do exist. Or something like that. I think wanting that is very morbid, but I want it when I get like this. That’s why I’m trying not to think. I just want it all to stop spinning.”– The Perks Of Being A Wallflower (by Stephen Chbosky)
Today, those words from my all time favourite book saved me and made me feel so much less alone. I can’t explain how I feel any better than this quote can […]
<3 I miss him and this song makes me think of him. I miss my love. He could bring me through anything, staying up all night with me when I couldn’t sleep no matter how tired he was or what he had to do the next day. I miss you to death Seth… <3
What’s the point of living if my family doesn’t except me for who I am if I’m bi I’m that font try to change me to who I’m not I mean I’m not perfect or anything I’m me I’m the funny one I’m the one who gets blamed for everything I’m the one who doesn’t tell on anyone for smoking weed Im that one girl who comes out of the closet and wants everyone to be fine with it and not for the opposite I just wanna die and be with the people that I loved that god took from me I wanna die and […]
Everyday thoughts of taking my life are becoming more of a reality to me. I worry tho about my sweet daughter jenni who is the happiest little ray of sunshine I have been blessed with. She’s 22 years old now, lives with her boyfriend and just lives life. My 20 year old son is so lost in this world trying to find his way. He doesn’t really need me because he’s he’ll bent to do every thing his way. He’s a good kid tho. My youngest daughter is 18. She just graduated from hs and thinks she knows everything. […]
i cant sleep anymore thats why i’m up right now, its really late where i am but i just cant sleep i never can for ages and i try i’ve tried everything, i don’t know what to do because even if i do sleep i have messed up dreams, and i hate staying up alone because when everyone else in the house is dead to the world and i can hear them sleeping i feel more alone and depressed than ever.
I love the life I have lived. But the life I’ve been living lately has gotten so boring that I see no point in life. I have no determination for absolutely ANYTHING. I don’t want to work, I dread going to school, my friends and family bore me and I pretty much find sleep as the most exciting thing. I’m not here to say I have screwed up parents or that I’m ugly. Honestly, I have a great family and I think I’m very beautiful. I’m here in curiosity. I want to know if anyone wants to end their life just…. Because? I think what […]
Everyday brings the same crap, everyday I wake up nauseous as hell.
Everyday I think about how I can successfully kill myself. My parents think I
need to be under medication, because I find it hard to express emotions and feelings when I find everything pretty shitty.
Any temporary happiness I have is always clouded with suicidal thoughts.
As each day goes by sleep is something I resent more and more. Truth is I hate sleeping because I hate waking up to another shitty day
in this existence.I live with the innate idea that if I was never born, I would be happier since I would […]
I have 5 sisters. My imperfections used to be guarded by my older sister, she’s 18. She rebelled against my family, did very unfortunate things, and next to her I was perfect. Then she was kicked out of the house. With her gone, all my imperfections came to light. I now sit between two perfect sisters. One is 23, the other 15. I am 17 and next to them I feel worthless. They are always better than me. They love better than me, they are more fun than me, and they have a better personality than me. At least that’s what my parents make clear. […]
The only silver lining was my BFF laura who was there for me and knew all of my sufferings and pain, she was who i confidended in when nan left. It felt like she’d stabbed me in the back from the front and left a wound so big and so deep that it still bleeds today. For 7 year we were everything to each other and in a matter of days she tossed me aside like an old rag. We went from being inseperable to seperable, we use to be able to tell each other everything and now we sit side by side and don’t say a […]
So yeah yesterday the 21th was my brothers birthday. He turned 6 this year. He was really happy, we had pizza, hotdogs, and a soccer cake. It was going really well… until dad came home from work. Like always he was drunk. So when it was time to eat the cake my dad started crying. Do you know how hard that was for ME, seeing my only father cry. I started crying as well… I was scared! My grandpa told him to calm down and eat. But then my dad got up went to the kitchen and grabes a knife. He then […]
Everybody is sad
But no body cries.
everybody is down.
but all they do is lie.
everybody laughs smiles and hugs
but nobody loves.
everybody giggles
everybody is shyÂ
but deep down everybody
is breaking down and crying.
everybody sleeps and goes off into there dreams
but no body sees the kids who cry themselves to sleep.
Dreams are your utopia! The place you wanna stay
but when you wake up you wish your life away.
Going to school a hard thing to do,Â
especially with friends who don’t care what you do.
You’ve told them your down but they don’t care
they just sit there and stare at you blankly because
what your going through, they don’t understand.
Its hard to live
but its […]
my boyfriend and i have broken up , for good this time.
we’ve been together for a long time.
I made him my everything , my life , i trusted him and opened my heart to him .. gave him my heart.
He was the only one to have the key to my heart.
But the other day i had to make the hard decision of leaving him..
i was always second best , i wasn’t his main priority , though i always had time to make him mine.
He had crushes on girls , threw them ontop of my importance in his life..
it […]
my boyfriend and i have broken up , for good this time.
we’ve been together for a long time.
I made him my everything , my life , i trusted him and opened my heart to him .. gave him my heart.
He was the only one to have the key to my heart.
But the other day i had to make the hard decision of leaving him..
i was always second best , i wasn’t his main priority , though i always had time to make him mine.
He had crushes on girls , threw them ontop of my importance in his life..
it […]
I wanted to thank one person for asking if I can use help locating resources in my town, I appreciate it, actually I already have been using resources in my area, and unfortunately being bi-polar, I am to the point in my life where I trust almost no-one. Seems when I tell people that know me I am bi-polar, all of a suddenly I am treated differently. I had an experience about a month ago one of my AA sponsors already knew me a little and long story short made me feel like a psycho, so to him I say F**** off. One last thing […]