I am 28 years old still living with my parents and I am ready to give up. In fact giving up is something I have become good at over the years. I now have no money and thousands of dollars in debt (never finished college) oh and by the way my mother is an alcoholic and my father has cancer.Our home is also infested with bedbugs and we have 4 dogs that all they do is bark and go to the bathroom all over the house. I have never had my own car I did move our briefly when I was 23 but that didn’t […]
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Sleep
I have finally given up, I won’t eat or sleep, I just want to die. But I don’t want to kill myself because I don’t know where I’ll go and if it will be happier, so I’ll stay miserable in my own dark little corner and please anyone who comes my way…or needs someone to help, I think I can live knowing that I saved a life.
I google the web trying to find something good that I can latch on to - something that tells me how I can escape the thoughts I have that life has no purpose. I find this site – register – the email comes thru…. thoughts become reality as I look at my in-box and the password is there…. confirmation: I’m messed up.
I am so tired – tired of life. I wish it over and the pain gone. eat, sleep, work, emptyness – the cycle of pain repeats. I want to hide – I avoid work, I avoid people and I regress further. How come I only have unfulfilled dreams and I’m stuck in […]
So… I’ve never been good at talking about my problems…. but here it goes..
For the past year I have had major depression problems… Which shouldn’t make sense, I have awesome friends, an okay family and an amazing boyfriend… Yet nothing seems right. Nothing fills the void.. Every day I wake up and ask why I didn’t pass in my sleep … I wish every night not to wake up. Lately I have also been extremely sick, from lung infection to ears, to having strep throat. I have no life left in me, there is no candle light burning… It went out a long time ago, […]
As a teen girl life is and will be hard, not just for girls, boys aswell. I was one of the many that gave into temptation. temptation with drugs, alcohol, sex, relationships. At 14 years old i had been beaten or hit by ex boyfriends and my father, ran away from home three times, each over two weeks long, Been sexually abused 3 times. I have continued to cut and it’s turned from four or five at a time to a couple hundred at a time, i was bulemic. i started to hear and see things, voices and this man. i could feel him, […]
I have tried to kill myself 6 times. Â I still cut. Â None of my friends have noticed a goddamn thing; all my family can do is make me feel guilty instead of trying to help. Â I told some of my friends but all they could do was tell me they hadn’t fucking noticed or give me callous advice. Â I just am so exhausted. Â I just want to go to sleep and never wake up. Â I’m unwanted. Â But I really don’t want to die in pain; my attempts were all with pills and did absolutely nothing. Â I’m just so sick of this. Â Why don’t I deserve […]
I am so tired, please can I sleep? I cannot take it anymore.
I search my entire life to find a home, somewhere, someone, to rest in. Why can’t the world let me be happy? Whenever I become happy about something, someone, I feel that everything goes out of its way to take that happiness away. This is why  it takes me a great amount of time to feel happy. But even still, you let it, them, into your arms again only to realize you were making it up the whole time. No matter how much you deserve happiness, nobody wants to give it to you.
Yesterday I […]
Im not happy with my life I wake and the very little sleep I do I think of how stupid living is I wish I could off myself and let the world know what a piece of shit it is. Hopefully one day I won’t be such a fucking coward and kill myself, maybe the world would b a better place
Hi Guys
I am back. It has been an odd couple of weeks since I was last here and posted. I want to share the story though, maybe it helps others who are feeling similar and wondering what it all means. I have definitely not got the answer though.
My last post was about how weak I was, how I thought I was strong but I couldn’t stay anymore. I cleared out my office at work that weekend. I spent a lot of time getting rid of EVERYTHING and also making sure that there was nothing of ME left anymore. I wanted to make it all as […]
cant sleep, cant eat, when i sleep i have bad dreams about the mother of my daughter who im sure by this point is seing someone else…Or dream about myself in horrible situations,…Im so down I cant even be around the part of my family that i love without depressing them away…i wake up just needing to cry but can only dwell, and roll around in cold and hot sweats, thinking about dying or just hiding somewhere for a long long time until i can get my mind right again, my skin crawls with nerves.. i get so depressed around people that i keep getting looked at […]
my friend knows about this site and read all my posts..hes trying to help tho..which im thankful for…hes a good friend and i take him for granted and i shouldnt do that…. ugh.. my family is a pain..the other day at lunch my sister was like “i think she’s bulimic and anorexic, she never eats” the thing is i actually am… ugh i wanted to cry… fucking life sucks…
i need help.. i know i do.. i hate admitting it tho… i had another nightmare lastnight… about me being locked in a white room, nothing else in it but me.. i went insane… i hated it… […]
Love this ugly little world we’ve created. Â The only purpose is to screw, eat, sleep, get drunk, get high, and go to work. Â I was lied to. Â I grew up looking at both grandparents, paternal and fraternal–genuinely in love with each other and marriages that lasted over 60 years each. Â I thought I could have that. Can’t anymore. Â You’ve completely sicked up sex so much, it’s nothing but pointless empty monkey humping. Â No love, no respect, no dignity. Â It’s a sick public farce. Â And it’s all about party party party. Â Empty. Â Pointless. Â I’m supposed to fill up 60 to 80 of that mindless garbage?
Can’t find […]
Why did God chose me ? It is not fair. I didint ask for this, all this pain.
I am not strong. I cry my self to sleep every night.
I hide all my feelings behind this mask, so everyone will think i am a happy 13 years old girl. But i am not.
But I believe there is hope for a better life in the future. So i got to stay as strong as i can to make it.
I’m useless in this “real world”….I’m such a fucking impractical, too imaginative person.. thus, I don’t belong here in this mundane, dull, boring real world..!
by niki
written by niki
I’m useless in this “real world”….I’m such a fucking impractical, too imaginative person…
thus, I don’t belong here in this mundane, dull, boring real world..!
I often feel like I belong to another planet, universe, or perhaps another ‘spiritual’ plane, dimension,..something like that.
my super-vivid imagination’s world / universe is often a HUNDRED times much more lively, interesting, exciting, thrilling, and challenging than this apparently “Law and Order, all about money/profits and status” shallow, mundane, meaningless real world !
it’s my curse.
fuck my life..
get the hell me out of this fucking Matrix , please , somebody!
there should be an OPTION to get the fuck […]
I spend most of my time alone. Not because I choose to, but because everybody always has something better to do. They only want me when they need something or someone to listen, or even when they’re bored. I’m obviously not wanted. And nobody listens to what I have to say anyway, so why even talk? Why be social? Why care? Why love? Why live? There’s nothing holding me back anymore, my love for writing is still and always will be within me, but my drive and inspiration is gone. No, it is NOT writers block, I have had many great writing leads, just don’t […]
How do I continue in my meaningless existence when I feel as if I’m on my own? I’m sure all of you who read this knows exactly how I feel, though I doubt anyone will read this so I’m just wasting my time as usual. Sigh. I am going to start using this as a vent, because I have no one to talk to that actually knows my pain, and those that pretend to or pretend to care are just inane and useless to me now. I am utterly alone, I go through the day with a fake smile plastered on my ugly face and a degrading […]
Earlier i was sat looking at some old photos and i got quite emotional, thoughts started racing through my head so ill write them..
Its funny, people always try to work people out, but how can you work someone out when they dont know themselves, they are lost, alone somewhere.
You take photos to remeber happy times, but it makes me sad you can never get those old happy times back they are gone forever and like the photo just a distant memory.
The people in the photos have gone, i wont see them again until i too are slso ‘gone’
I am sat here alone,counting the […]
I guess I’m not quite sure what to do at this point, so I need ur input. I’m 18 years old and ever since 5th grade I’ve wanted to die…or at least I didn’t care to live. In the past few years I’ve been but into a hospital four times due to breakdowns, see I’m stuck in this cycle between life and death and I don’t think itll ever end till th day I die. I’m terrified of existing, and I have several mental Heath problems that have caused me to lose all my friends…I push them away without realizing it, but it’s only […]
I am fully aware that I need help but there is nothing that helps. I have tried hospitialization, every type of therapy, had around 15 therapists, been on 20 different meds, tried meditation, talking. I’ve tried it all and nothing helped. I am not able to feel joy or love, I am always deeply depressed for 7 years. I cannot function around people and haven’t had contact with anybody except my family for 6 months. I get paranoid at night and can’t sleep. I have an unknown chronically painful stomach problem that even though I have had every medical test known to man twice, […]
i just took a bunch a sleeping pills, wasnt paying attention to how much,doesnt matter anyways, you know that pain, that deep horrible pain that you cant bear anymore?i had to do somthin, i had to take stuff to help me sleep, i want to escape for a little bit,something kept telling me to take more, not a voice but this feeling, like my conciounce keept screaming out(just take one more,)so i did,hope it dont kill me, i have a plan , its to lay on the rail road tracks,well the pills are starting to kick in, i still feel the pain,i feel a little […]