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How Do I Go On?

by RunningInTheDark

How do I continue in my meaningless existence when I feel as if I’m on my own? I’m sure all of you who read this knows exactly how I feel, though I doubt anyone will read this so I’m just wasting my time as usual. Sigh. I am going to start using this as a vent, because I have no one to talk to that actually knows my pain, and those that pretend to or pretend to care are just inane and useless to me now. I am utterly alone, I go through the day with a fake smile plastered on my ugly face and a degrading cheery tone. I sicken myself now just like I sicken everyone else. Even my own family shunned me when they found how scarred I am both on the outside and inside. But the thing is, I don’t want to care, but I can’t help it. I can’t even sleep at night anymore because the loneliness is far too loud now. I don’t want to feel, it’s just too much, someone tear out my heart and burn it! Sigh. But I digress, I will not be worth the time of anyone who bothered so just send me on into my nothingness and let me be, maybe I’ll finally be happy with myself.

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karae 5/26/2012 - 8:55 pm

Hi RunningInTheDark. I picked this discussion because it was a question, a request for someone to give some thoughts. And, here I find you, sounding very unhappy. You say you are lonely. Well, I do hope that having someone reply to you makes you feel less lonely. =) I have felt the same way you do. There was a time when I couldn’t think anything happy and I felt that there was no hope. Now I take medication and I realize that the depression actually affected my ability to think–rather it made it almost impossible to have positive thoughts. They have done research with machines that can take images of the brain. When they do them (PET scans) on depressed people, the part of the brain where happy thoughts and emotions happen does not light up. So, that part of the brain is not able to work properly when a person is depressed. Thus, the litany of negative thoughts and feelings we have when we are depressed. I remember when I was having depression that I would hear a really funny joke, and I would know that it was funny, but I wouldn’t even smile. I couldn’t laugh. Couldn’t even cry. All emotion just sort of dried up for me.

If you are not seeing a doctor and taking a medication for depression, I think that would be a good thing. If you are but it isn’t working, I hope you keep working with your doctor until you find something that helps you.

I believe that every human being is valuable. Yet I know how it feels when you are sick because the brain isn’t working right and it is very, very, very difficult. I care. I hope that helps at least a little bit. To me, anyone who suffers with depression is a hero. It has to be one of the most difficult things in the world to live through. Know that there is someone out here who appreciates how difficult a spot you are in right now. I hope you will keep fighting and keep venting here. Whatever helps. Take care. Sending you kind wishes.

Shadows 5/27/2012 - 11:14 am

We go on as we know that somwhere inside of us there is hope. Even a little bit of hope that maybe things will get better. That’s the problem though things don’t get better on their own. You have to make them better. Like a young child trying to learn how to walk, they may fall once but they will still try again and eventually they will learn how to walk. If you want life to be better. You have to make things better.
Depending on your age, i’ll tell you you have to be friends to have friends. It’s the general rule to friendship.

The person who commented before me is right. When your this deep in depression you’ll need help to get out of it. Therefore you should see someone, you can hear stories of therapy didn’t work at here so it may put you off, but of course the ones

Take Care

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