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Solace
day 7487 survived
Tag:
Solace
Sometimes it hurts to live
Sometimes when you’re feeling low…I mean real low. This is a level of low no one knows about because the people who experience it don’t talk about it or are too high to even coherently relate it to the alphas and betas of the world. This is the low that somebody in your life, somebody closest to you has put you on the tipping point and your inner demons grabbed you & thrust you in. Your standing in the bathroom lights off. You’re in the shower with the water running. The warmth against your skin is how you […]
I have never loved or detested anything more intensely than the world I was born into.
You terribly-scary-albeit-painfully-beautiful little piece-of-precious-shit, you.
You are a *****, but you are my *****.
I chose a time, reality and a life.
I gave myself a checklist of things-to-learn-in-this-lifetime, but  I ripped it up before I could cross out even a decent number of them the moment I got here.  I fucked it up gloriously.Â
With my severely depressed, perpetually melancholic state of mind, I doubt if I can proceed any further.
It has reached a point where I can derive solace and safety only from my sorrow.
That, is not the true nature of my spirit.
I need […]
Every day I wake up wishing that I hadn’t.
I’m always tired. That fatigue I feel cannot be cured by a good nights sleep or a nap. Sometimes I feel that it will only ever truly be satisfied by death. Does anyone know what that’s like?
To wake up every morning sick to your stomach because you’re alive?
But-I try to bribe myself out of bed. I know that I have to keep myself busy-constantly run my brain because if I stop-those thoughts will catch up with me. I desperately try to find solace in the world. Feel the warmth of the sun, watch funny YouTube videos, draw…Â but it’s like trying […]
I’ve been suicidal most of my life, delayed because many people gave me false hope (e.g. “Things will get better,” “It’s a temporary problem,” “Life has intrinsic value,” etc.). When do we stop and look, only to find flipping burgers is unfulfilling – when does a man breakdown from the socially approved unfeeling zombified state into tears and try to escape the mediocrity? The answer is when all hope is lost. Death > Life. I once feared the great abyss that awaits us all, but it now gives me solace and peace – not having to grind through each day, day after […]
I wonder if I am talking to myself.
I cannot remember a day when I have not thought about suicide. Someone wise stated that thoughts of this kind are solace, they get one through many a bad night.
Extraordinarily lonely. Have been unable to call out for help. Helium or pills? Both perhaps? Add some cutting and alcohol.
Oddly, I think I am amazing at concealing how I feel. I am exhausted. I would so, so, so love a hug.
Pathetic really.
Scared of a failing. Scared of panic. Can’t be bothered with the suicide note thing. Guess I am maturing. Dead silence.
I never thought I could feel this way. Missed connections. That alone was the miraculous thing. How and why did it turn out this way… I will never understand.
Long term chronic pain is difficult to live with. I’m 21 and I have been in and out of hospitals (medical and psychiatric) for three years. All three I was in university and should have been able to experience the best side of that life. Instead I was stuck inside. Now my doctors tell me I will have to live with it for the rest of my life. I have to see psychiatrists because I have already had two failed attempts. They say I use sleep as a coping mechanism but it is a lot sweeter in the unconscious than it is to wake up […]
Ironic, how even in herd of black sheep, I seem to be even too black to fit in.
Fuck your stupid conformity.
I came to find some sort of solace, but as usual, expectations of any sort just leave you fucked.
Should have known better to shut the fuck up and kill myself instead of expecting other suicidal people to understand what it really is like to want to kill yourself, not to want to live. If I wanted to live I would have gone to a fucking happy go lucky site.
Hope is fucking overrated.
I have been lurking on this site for a while, and a few months ago I began to post some of my own thoughts here. Within a short span of time this site has begun to play a very important role in my everyday life. It has generated a wide-range of emotions from me, especially the SP-Chat.
Through this place I have experienced some of the happiest moments of my life while at the same time it has caused me much emotional and mental anguish. I’ve become quite addicted to visiting this site, reading posts, hearing the ideas and emotions people are expressing and learning from […]
My trip to the guidance office proved to be as hopeless for solace as I figured. My guidance councler is a very nice and upbeat woman, but at the time of my arrival that day, she seemed to be handling other jobs of her own. Even though I was really upset at that point, I was really just glad to sit in a chair and get away from my friend for a while.
I regained my composure and I sat in the chair with much embarrassment. I felt embarrassed for being in there and I felt more embarrassed that I let everyone see me so upset […]
I think about dying all the time. Â Wanting to be killed, suicide methods. Â I fight it, it gets worse. Â I consider the absurdist tact, but can’t really sustain it. Â Only solace is knowing that there are people here who understand and go through the same thing. Â I distract myself with tv and food, when I’m with myself it’s just death.
I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m a 15 year old boy, a straight A student who just finished freshman year at a relatively good school. I am a decent track and cross country athlete, and my family loves me very much. Yet, I still constantly feel alone and useless.
I don’t quite understand people. I see people I know having fun, hanging out, and I don’t know, I can’t seem to find myself normal friends. There are plenty of people I talk to (about once a week each, about serious shit usually). I don’t know how “suicide attempt” is defined on this site, but […]
Just had another fight with him today. That’s all we do these days.
I always take the passive side and don’t say what i really want to because i know he’ll just hang up, walk away or not talk to me.
Such a child.
All i want to do is learn how to stand my ground and make him listen but in our fights it always becomes a ***** sesh about what i have done wrong. Although i guess that’s everyone’s opinion when they are in a fight.
I moved out of my brothers today, my little niece finally isn’t around so i can cut again.
i’m a 16 year old girl. never done anything bad really, except for white lies and secret boyfriends (from my parents). But I guess it is what has led me to how I feel now.
It’s started since 6 years ago when my sister became a disappointment to my parents. And well, coming from a South Asian culture, stereotypical, it had to do with the influence of the Western society, new found independence (she was 18) and lack of grades. It costed my parents a lot and that I understood. After that year abroad, she had to return to India and took my mother with her, I […]
I’m 35. Work as a mental health professional. It’s strange but all these years suicide was never something I ever contemplated in the slightest. I’ve never really been depressed. I don’t think I’m clinically depressed at the moment. Maybe burnt out and not in the best mood but by no means depressed.
Over the last few months I’ve realized that the decisions that I made to move to a new country have come with with a rash of problems that while not catastrophic have caused incredible stress, heartache, homesickness and problems advancing my career. I’m getting a feeling that some of these problems may well have […]
To all who’ve loved me.
i leave this is in wake of my soul, as it has left my body.
I give you my utmost apologies, that i know will never suffice for the loss or troubles i’ve given you, in my life and in my suicide. I would not leave a note if it weren’t for the urge i feel even now to assure you that it was by nothing you’ve done, that i’m leaving my life this way. To my family and friends find solace in the fact that were it not for you, i would not have even made it this long. You loved […]
A soft rain falls over my mind
The water gently caressing my thoughts
Small humble droplets, each inclined
To soothe my fears
And hide my tears
To ingeniously disguise my faults
To me the inner shower gives
Not destroying hope or false happiness
But just the sustenance to live
Barely scraping
Barely making
The minimum barely providing this
The friendly wind blows steadily
The rain oppresses my mind’s parasites
Wind and rain combined heavenly
Offer solace
Shaky embrace
Unable to set my dead heart alight
Anesthetic does not heal the gun wound
A grain of rice does not feed the starving
A few feet does not matter on […]
Go away. I do not want you around. Let me alone. Stop asking what is wrong.
You cannot fix it. Nobody can fix it. No I do not want to see it a different way because it will still exist.
I do not want to deal with it at all. I never asked for it. I never wanted it.
All your suggestions have been tried. And I refuse to settle. Refuse to accept and deal with that which is not wanted.
No more risks. No more grasping at straws. No more extending a hand only to get it burned or bitten.
No more believing the lies. No more giving in […]
Well…..I never thought I would ever think of suicide. As a child I always feared my little brother would suicide because he had anxiety problems and was bullied. He barfed every single day before school when he was in grade 1, but his therapist helped him and now he’s a popular 16 year old with an on again off again suicidal girlfriend (is that irony? I don’t know). But back to me because I am so selfish, I have loving parents and family as well as supportive loving friends. I have no right to depressed like this when there are so many other people in […]
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