Still dealing with anxiety, schizophrenia, depression..I met someone. Who promised fight until I get better. Who promised to stay with me even on my worst days. It’s been 5 months and surprisingly he still with me.. but I’m scared of losing him. He’ll get tired of me, my breakdowns are because of him. Because I just think of the day he’ll leave me, I feel so stupid but I just can’t help it.. how am I supposed to deal with this without hurting him? It’s been hard for me. I think about him day and night, but, I also think about killing myself day and night. […]
Where to start, well, it’s pretty clear that 90% of my turmoil is the result of an abusive marriage I want out of. I’m here of my own accord though, I’ve chosen this sacrifice, this suffering, because reasons.
I’ve also come to realize, in some strange way.. I sought this. In some sickening way, I’m comfortable being depressed. I feel as though, I pursued someone to hurt me, to justify feeling so hurt.
I’ve been on here roughly a week. A common theme I see, is people just wanting someone, anyone. It makes me Stockholm myself, as if taking this beating is better than being alone. Especially […]
I’m sixteen…and even so I don’t know what to do with my life anymore.
I feel like I’ve failed my parents and I’ve failed myself more than ever. For the past two to three years, I’ve tried to commit suicide, but I can’t bring myself to use a knife, or to pop a pill, or even to hang myself. I used to cut, but that became a hard stop when my parents found out and I’ve been clean since then. I tried talking to my counselor, but my parents got mad because they said: “It makes us look bad!”
I’m falling apart..inch by inch. I don’t like […]
If you are reading this then you know you are guilty of this.
If you are too scared to read this then you are in denial.
If this causes you pain/hurt/makes you feel uncomfortable then maybe just maybe I might be saying something that has value and meaning.
There are way tooooooo many people on here that put themselves down
way toooooo often.
Here’s the facts,
you are depressed,
you’re suicidal,
your life sucks,
you cant get a girlfriend/boyfriend
you fill in the blanks.
You know what SO FUCKING WHAT!!!!
Do you have to label yourself as pathetic or useless or ugly or a waste of space or all the other horrible things you say to yourself […]
I went to visit someone that has been helping my mom. My mother respects this woman very much, because she sais she had been feeling a lot better ever since she’s been talking with her. So I made an appointment and I told this woman about my situation, she said a few things that sounded reasonable but at some point, while I was talking, she stoped me and told me I have been a cheap w*hor*e all this time, she said that it is what I am, that even if I was doing it without concious, all the same that was what I am behaving […]
Does anyone know if its possible on this site to send a private message to someone that no one else will see?
If so please tell me how
Thanks
So I am the laziest person ever. I have been trying to convince my self of sitting down and write my tesis or to even read some articles as a basis. I don’t want to do it. I can’t do it. I hate having to do it. I really hate it.
I skip work today too. And even fail to do my part in a group I was trying to organize. The people are nice there, but they are getting tired of me. I just don’t want to do anything.
Last Monday I went to the doctor to ask for a remission for psychiatry (it’s necessary to […]
I am tired of saying what i hate
But even the tears don’t seem to release the bottled up emotions….lately i told myself its better not to feel anything then to feel everything.
I honestly hate my life and i always have..
But i love someone with all i have.
He tells me he loves me and im the best thing that ever happened to him…but idk
I hate myself so how can he love me?
I never had anyone love me before…not like him..
Someone who doesnt want sex..or money..or something…
And im so confused.
I wanna die..but i wanna live for him
Tonight is the night. I told myself I’d wait a month… if I still desired closure by then, I’ll know I waited things out till I couldn’t anymore. I’m tired of hurting. I’m tired of being tired. I’m tired of getting lost in my suicidal thoughts and wishing one day they’d come true.
I’m finally letting go. I’ll finally be at peace. I’ll finally get to sleep through the night.
It’s quite empowering having what is needed floating around in my backpack, just waiting for the day it’s finally used.
I’ll give it till tonight to confirm my decision. I don’t know why I felt like posting here. […]
I can’t do anything. I’m a waste of space and a burden. No one cares and I’m always ignored. I hate how everyday I just get worse and worse and no one sees. But then again, apart of me doesn’t want anyone to know. I hate how I always contradict myself everytime. I want to be happy but then I feel like I don’t deserve it. I want to be more open with people, get help but then I don’t. I just can’t do anything. I’ve gotten to the point in my life where I almost can’t find happiness in anything and all I want […]
Trying to fight depression and fatigue. I’ve been taking ephedrine and caffeine to lose weight. It is helping but a side effect is fucked up sleep. I work in a few hours at a job i can’t do and will be fired from soon. I haven’t put in other applications or done anything with my business (web design I’ve only got 2 clients in the past year) or potential businesses i want to start (game/app design, and t-shirt company). Im just moping on my […]
We are not the only ones who feel how we feel. Hes someone i watched growing up and he died how i wanted to die 3 hours away from where i now live its crazy to think.
May you find the peace in death you couldnt find in life. If heaven exists im sure there is a halfpipe.
“There is a very popular opinion that choosing life is inherently superior to choosing death. This belief that life is
inherently preferable to death is one of the most widespread superstitions. This bias constitutes one of the most obstinate mythologies of the human species.”- Mitchell Heisman-author of Suicide Note who shoot himself because he was a nihilist.
I am getting my salary tomorrow. And I also know someone that can get me a thing that is life threatening.
I know i don’t want to die but really, what other option do i have? Life is just too stressful and i don’t know what to do anymore. So for all of you reading this i think im just gonna kill myself, I’ve tried with multiple unsuccessful attempts but in the end im just going to do it while my parents are sleeping. I plan to leave a suicide note for my family and if any of my family is reading this or if someone knows me and figures out its me then please please please tell my mom im sorry and that i did […]
The most important thing in life is confort. Material and also “spiritual” , I mean like being at peace with yourself. That is the most important thing.
I started to think very nihilistic lately . I feel like I am losing my mind. It seems that most human toughts and emotions are chemical reactions in the brain to make you see life in sunshines and rainbows for maintaing your survival plus passing on the genetic code by the means of reproduction.
I was in top shape last year, I and I was being able to fuck any girl I wanted because of my looks and phisique.I think […]
So, I went to see a doctor. Basically to just confirm what I already know. Major depression, anxiety disorder and PTSD. I told him I think I might have a personality disorder too, something along the lines of Borderline Personality Disorder, Schizoid Personality Disorder, or Avoidant Personality Disorder. I know I might be going overboard here, but I feel like I fit the criteria perfectly, for both BPD and SPD, actually. He said he’ll look into it with our upcoming consultations.
I always look at the criteria for all these personality disorders and think, “Fuck! This is so me.” Not that my personality traits cause any […]
HEAVEN and HELL. Are they real? Does GOD exist? I was raised a Christian so all of this should be real to me with no doubt. I do believe in God. I do believe in heaven and hell. And maybe that’s why I’m so afraid? So afraid to like what I like, do what I want to do, dress how I want to dress, and be who I want to be. So much so that I’m ready to just end it all. However, being Church of Christ, if someone commits suicide the consequence is eternity in hell. So what is my way out? I have none. Other than to pretend that I like to […]
So here is another part of my story. I was a virgin until a year ago. I had never have a bf or kissed a guy or even touch one in a close way. But some people told me I should try sleeping with someone to at least know how it felt. Because I am an old woman and so. and i thought I shouldn’t die without at least kissing someone. It sounds stupid as I write it.
So I followed suite as my brother was on tinder and I opened a profile there. I don’t know where people get to know other people but i […]
I notice I start to get angry toughs whenever I have to go out, maybe it’s a reaction to prepare me to defend myself. Many times I give up leaving home, because I can’t handle people staring at me uncontrolably mad.
I tried to go anyway, everything happened as expected, couldn’t lift up my face to look at people. My eyes stuck the ground, I start sweating, and my face muscles become stiff, and i think, this never changes. Psychologists say you should keep insisting going out and facing your fears. But it never changes to me, it’s like the Murphy law “If something can go wrong […]
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