Hey guys, it’s been a while since my last post. Probably gonna be a post with random shit, sorry.
So my first internship went really bad. My supervisors don’t know about my attempt, but they know I had to go to the hospital because of a mental problem. When the internship was over they had a talk with me. They were really worried and advise me to get help and to speak with the school. I went talk with the responsible teacher and she started asking a lot of questions and found out about my attempt. She was reluctant to let me do the second […]
Tag:
speak
So I had someone, who told me over and over they would be here to listen when I’m on the edge, and help me get help that I needed. I needed time, going and getting help during the holidays where I live is next to impossible. Most places are closed until January. I told him that over and over and over. Yet yesterday, he abandoned me. Told me I can’t speak to him until I’m getting help. The help he promised he would be there with me to get. Now I get to do it on my own. Like I told him I was scared […]
Why?
Why the fuck is it so hard for me to tell them I’m suffering?
One moment Im crying alone in my room, then the next, I’m smiling like my usual fake self when someone comes in. I have become so good at faking that I can’t show what I really feel. I want to take off this mask. It’s really heavy now, but it’s stuck. It won’t come off.
Why can’t I take it off?
Please… I’m suffering…
I know they are not mind readers. I need to speak up. But how can one talk to a person about what is going on when […]
You hope I’m okay? Yeah, I hope you are too. I’m not sure of much these days I’ll say that is for sure. You know? I guess sitting here in front of the river it’s like you’re way over there, on the other side. I see you, you see me and we both see this chasm between us. I definitely feel it. It feels like a closed chapter if I had to articulate it. I woke up from a nightmare that lasted for months. I woke up to my normal nightmare, that is. But you have no idea how waking up to you across this […]
My moods have been awful lately, as have the Angels. For months my moods have been out of control. Some days I’ll wake up somewhat okay, and by the afternoon I cannot stand to be around anyone – and the degree of this type of mood fluctuates for roughly 4-5 days.
Then I can have an okay mood last for a period of time, also – yet, this is happening less often now. However, it’s my anger that’s the worst at the moment. My outbursts are becoming more frequent, and the reasons are becoming less obvious. Sometimes they happen due to the slightest change in my […]
Maybe I would be different if I had someone to speak with. Someone that I trusted. Unfortunately for me, fortunately for others, I don’t.
But I guess that’s fine. No one ever cared anyway.
I am such a coward. I wish I would just be brave enough to forget about everything and die. But im a coward and I hate myself even more for it.
First of all I’m sorry I talked quietly. And it’s hard to hear. I had my heater on and it distorted the video which didn’t help. I’ll make it more clear to hear me with my next video.
I’m going to start video logs once a day at the most. Just want to let you know they’ll improve over time. I’m sorry my videos are not that great and I find myself all over the place when I speak. I struggle with a stutter and I don’t speak clearly. I have a speach impediment as well. I’m a very quiet person also. […]
Do watching YouTube videos make you happier or more depressed? When I watch these videos (not celebrities, mind you) but of “ordinary” people, I see so much talent- people who can sing, people who can dance, draw, play musical instruments, rap, beat-box, heck even people who speak well or people who know how to put on make-up to make themselves look like superstars (all those tutorials)! Maybe I should stop watching shows like American Idol and X-Factor…
When I look at myself, I don’t feel like I’m good at anything. I don’t have any talent. Ok, so I am relatively intelligent and I do have a […]
I feel i dont deserve friends i dont have many but very few kno my wrongs and still speak to me the one i hurt most is done with me we dont even speak i think of __ alot i miss the good times i suck
His mask- it looked as though smoke had curled around his eyes and his nose, daring to rest atop his cheek bones. Rosy lips broke into a blinding grin as he saw me waltz toward him. God he was handsome. A mope of curly black hair, suntanned skin and eyes so blue you could lose yourself in them. His dapper tuxedo emphasized his broad shoulders, long legs and toned arms… this man was mine. He rushed towards me and lifted me from the ground, twirling me round and round till we were breathless with laughter and life. I itched to peel his mask from his […]
I’m scared. I feel I’m getting close to do it. And I’m afraid. I don’t want to leave. I could have a long life. I just have to endure for more 10 months. But I can’t. It’s too much anxiety and stress. I’m starting to hear that I have to be better, I have to do more and to speak more. I’m trying but I’m not good enough and I will never be. Every criticism, every fail breaks my heart.
I went to bought one more bottle of pills, but it was sold out. I don’t know if I have pills enough to kill myself […]
I have absolutely no creativity anymore. I used to.
I find it difficult to express myself. When I try to focus on finding a good way, everything leaves me. Anything I have to say is just a basic, simple rambling of words.
I know you can’t force creativity, but I have no muse or motivation. It’s just me wanting to express myself effectively and I’m so terrible at doing things for myself, as I find myself unimportant.
It’s like there’s two sides in my head constantly fighting. One side is begging to speak and to be heard and the other side is saying whatever it has to say […]
I am hellish.
It took me a while to finish that sentence. Today, I was exposed to the revelation that I am that friend. That person; I am changing. I found myself today, in one of those common ruts, depressed and anxious to the extent that I could not keep a facade on my face.
These friends of mine are lovely. They do not judge me openly. They listen. The trouble is, you never know what they’re thinking, hearing you speak, watching you move – or not move at all. But today I did something I never have done. I demanded affection.
A friend […]
Felo-de-se
Why did I have to be born this way?
Life’s a game, I’ll no longer play
Humiliated, degraded with every word that’s spoke
Why am I just a pathetic joke?
Why did I have to be born this way?
In a world like this, I’ll no longer stay
Treated like shit from the moment I awoke
The toughest of souls would find themselves broke
Why keep on living you disgusting, cock-less freak?
The same familiar words from all those whom bother to speak
Isn’t it wrong to treat me this way?
Why the fuck would I want to stay?
Just a pathetic tiny dick joke
Made to feel worthless […]
14 year old girl. Anxiety makes up my life. Can’t do anything, can’t see anyone, can’t be anyone. I get sick to my stomach with anxiety every morning before school. Someone help with these attacks. They are killing me.
I just feel so shit all the time, everything I do always turns out wrong. My anxiety stops me from doing everything and I hate the fact I can’t do anything about it. I’m so scared to even speak to someone. I feel so useless now, no point doing anything if it never turns out right. I just generally just can’t do this, not fitting in anywhere. […]
Hi I’m a 14 year old girl who suffers with anxiety, however I have yet to be diagnosed. I diagnosed myself because it’s really not that hard to know you have it when all you do is worry or have panic attacks. I would love to speak to my doctor but my mum just doesn’t understand anything about anxiety or depression so that’s why I keep it all in. The one thing that gets me worried is arguments with friends, I start to get paranoid that the other friends I have don’t like me either so I push them away until I have no one to […]
Codeine, Bedhead, Bluetile Lounge and other slowcore bands, you all speak my mind so completely. As to escape, it’s impossible. So I wander through school and through life, dealing with it all with drugs, self-harm and music. My solaces are few and far, and do not consist of anything living.
Anti-social yet lonely.
That is me, the freak in the corner, screaming for release. Yearning to leave, but knowing it’s futile.
I’ve come here as a man in shambles
Worn out from begging on my knees
Please, I’m just trying to keep my family together
Now, when you saw your lover wore a ring around her finger
Why didn’t you stop
I have half a mind to make you hurt
To make you bleed, to make you suffer
I swear if you’ve touched her
Oh, heaven forgive what I would do to you
You monster
Think about your children
They’ll never believe what you’ve done
Listen, I am begging you, back off
Let me rebuild the things you’ve shattered
She meant it
I swear that she […]
Hello. I am 15 years old, and I have never met my dad- not my real one anyways. I have a verbally abusive step-dad, and a mother who doesn’t understand what I have been going through.
I am the oldest child of 3, and I have depression.
You may be saying, “well duh, you’re 15” and all the “all teenagers are” but let me tell you that I used to be a happy kid. I was outdoorsy, and social. Now I am a selective mute who hates the outdoors. Actually, I love the outdoors- just not the things in it- if that makes any sense.
I am an […]
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ve_gsggCSmk
You will never see the light of day again
You will burn in the depths of Hell
Let them suffer, let them rot
They don’t deserve better
Break their necks
And let them crawl around workable
Cut out their tongues so they will never speak again
No one will hear their screams, no one will hear their plea
Fear me, I said fear me
With no hope, no fucking hope
Haha
Cry! Cry for help.