I will not kill myself. I can’t, I just have too much potential. However, I just have this urge to do it anyways. Half of the time, I want to live just to learn about the universe and the wonders of science. Yes, that is right. I only live in the name of science and the curiosity spectrum of my mind. But then half of the time, I tell myself that there is no incentive of living. Let me lay this down for you: I have amnesia (or maybe even Alzheimer at a relatively early age). My mind […]
Tag:
Spirit
What a great site this is, it has given hope to me even though its been fleeting at times.
I think I’m finally at the end of the road, not by choice, yet I’m certain I have been backed into a corner for the last time.
I could packup and leave right know, yet where would I go ? I can only travel so far, to so many different places on the map, state to state far reachs of the US mainland, yet I have to use an ATM card to access my money every month which leaves a picture and a data trail as to […]
I did this because a friend inspired me. He was promoting doitinadress.com and I got this idea, and here’s the result of that. This is my hobby, paintball, and video editing, filming, this is what keeps me happy with life. Find your own happiness through life. Have love for all, because all has essence of spirit, and will give you love back if you try to percieve it
Not much to say… Whatever this is, a soul, a spirit, an energy, a consciousness, whatever the fuck it is powering this fleshy marionette, its tired, weary…
I think I’m drowning myself. I keep pushing myself backward. Every time I shove myself forward four steps, I fall backwards nine. I convince myself to do something and all I see in myself in the mirror is self-hate. I went out to a prayer group tonight, and by the end of the group I was already back to hating on myself. I have no self-esteem. I think I am worth nothing. I don’t want to exist anymore. There are moments when I think that maybe I shouldn’t kill myself, but mostly I just want to end my life. Then I come on SP and […]
This song is really close to home for me, I thought a lot of you could probably relate.
Am I just floating around in this moment of time and space? It makes me wonder. A state of mind, ’cause I’m just fading away, and my head is lost up in the satellites. I’m so far and gone to ever get it right. Through unseeing eyes, day dreaming again.
Eternity is seemingly an endless waiting. Lost in forever. Eternally, a limitless time. It’s never ending. I’m lost in forever.
Am I just hanging around all alone in my mindless haze? It takes me under. […]
Every day I wake up without the woman I love next to me in bed. She left my bed because of some slight that she will not talk to me about. I work hard to supply our family with a good life but it never seems e-nuff for her. We have not made love in almost a year now. She can not work because she has hurt herself at work that was three years ago. So I take on all the overtime to make up the money she does not bring in any more. Then she hit’s me […]
I’m standing up on the plane in the half stance one does as they wait for the aisles to clear. I have to stand like this, instead of sitting and waiting for my turn to depart my aisle, because I have to let the people behind me know that there’s a goddam order to things and they are not allowed to step ahead of me in that order. A few aisles ahead of me is the tight-faced humorless broad, on the flight with two kids and a frowning middle aged sap. She keeps readjusting her hair on top of her head in the sloppy fashion […]
I would firstly like to say rest in peace to Oliva. For those of you who don’t know, Oliva was a 14 year old girl who made a youtube video about bullying and suicide (along with her story) before actually committing suicide.
Now for my anger / upset rant. Shortly after I found out, all my facebook pages started blowing up with hate about how selfish she was and how she was just attention seeking. My heart just fell. We are the result of billions of years of evolution, we should start acting like it. We should all start trying to understand each other rather than […]
I _______ __________ , being of sound mind and body. Make my last request. In the event I suffer from any of the following and cannot verbally relay my last wishes.
If I have a stroke, heart attack, comatose, brain dead in any form yet still display vital signs.
I do not wish to be kept alive on any form of life support. I wish to pass on. My prolonged life will not be beneficial to me or any poor soul that may survive me. I cannot afford to be artificially kept alive. God will understand.
I have done the best I can all the time regardless of […]
Why can’t I find a reason to live. Why is life so crappy for me. I just can’t seem to live a normal life. No matter how hard I try I just fail. No matter how hard I work I never seem to get anywhere but in debt not deeper in debt just in the state of debt not getting any traction either way, or so it seems. We live under an economic slavery model called capitalism. My spirit has been under siege for as long as I can remember. The world looks at people like some kind of commodity. I need to die I […]
I’m falling down, sinking in, my spirit is breaking and my world is caving in, until i reach breaking point and fall to the point of no return.
Do you know what its like to look in the mirror and hate what you see? Do you know what its like to live your whole life the laughing stock of society? Do you know what its like to go through life hating yourself, but knowing that you can’t do anything to change yourself? Have you ever been about to take your own life, all because of the way you look? Do you have that red scar on your left arm because you know that you’ll end up cold and alone? Do you know what its like to plan your own death, just because you’re […]
Well this is it the end of the line for me at only 15 year old and I can’t naturally smile or laff I’m now an alcoholic and a drug abuser messed up and I hear voices in my head so I am going to end it before I turn into a phsycho ***** and kill someone if I kill me then it won’t be a big deal I have no family or friends will anyone realise I’m dead I don’t know and don’t care I have got to the point where I don’t care if I live or die it will feel the same […]
Kill the lights because
The shows all over
And realize that
My time is up
The stage is set for
My own death
A suicide written by me
The pain of yesterday
Haunts me today
And I can’t live to see tomorrow
When all I know is hate
Disappear today andÂ
Leave the world to sway
In it’s cycle again
The list so long
Of things I’ve done wrong
Stapled to my note
Will show the world whyÂ
I deserve to die
All that’s left is to choose
Which method will remove
My spirit from my body for good
One last cut
One last smoke
One last glass […]
I had a dream one night.  I was with my friends getting pretty stoned outside on a bright, clear happy day.  I took a hit and looked up into the clear, beautiful  sky as I inhaled, but as I exhaled I began to feel out of place and out of person.  I tried to move, and I did, but at the same time I didn’t.  It was as if I was out of my rotting flesh cage, but my vision wasn’t coming with my spirit.  All that I could see was the clear blue sky… I began to panic.  My unbound spirit was being anchored […]
I have pushed so many people away from my life… I’m so sick of being fake around people… if I’m genuinely not happy with myself I don’t want to be around others nor do I want to bring them down… I just want to be left alone to deal with my own emotion and problems.
Being Adhd and Autistic isn’t easy for me, during my teens I’ve done a lot of drugs as an outlet to help me express myself since so much I felt I was suppressed through society, school, parents…Â even though now I don’t smoke or pop pills anymore I just don’t feel […]
I am over 50 years old. I’ve thought about suicide since I was 13. I have made attempts to end my life more than a couple times. The thoughts, planning, and so on have been so much a part of my mentality, I believe it has become a bad habit, habitual though process. The last stint of actively engaging in therapy my goal was to get new thoughts. I’ve tried. Truly I have tried to get along in the land of the living. When I make an attempt to interact / communicate with my loved ones, I continue to fall short – and immediately go […]
I’m 35. Work as a mental health professional. It’s strange but all these years suicide was never something I ever contemplated in the slightest. I’ve never really been depressed. I don’t think I’m clinically depressed at the moment. Maybe burnt out and not in the best mood but by no means depressed.
Over the last few months I’ve realized that the decisions that I made to move to a new country have come with with a rash of problems that while not catastrophic have caused incredible stress, heartache, homesickness and problems advancing my career. I’m getting a feeling that some of these problems may well have […]
From the time I was 2 until I was 14 I was raped molested and took from place to place for men to do what they wanted to me! My mom knew they beat and took my childhood. Then I was adopted at 11 and raped by the boys there until 14.. I am now 21 my spirit is broken my will to live is gone! And people tell you change the future.. Well I cant change the past and let me tell u it alot to do with your future. You look at me and you would never know anything had ever happen to.me… […]