Am i honestly tired of trying? Yes.ive attempted suicide several times wrote and went through with it but at the last minute i got scared and sought the er this always seems to happen to the point were im expecting ill end up there. I came close to death once unexpectedly overdosing on sleeping pills i was feeling really uncomfortably sleepy and begging my mom to not let me go but that didn’t stop me from trying again that wont stop me now from trying again.to some it would seem were does it end my sister said im putting everyone through a lot of stress […]
Tag:
stop
Sitting alone
In this empty room
Crying tears from the pit of,my doom
I promised before that I would stop
But the pain of my heart just ignores that stop.
Holding that razor in my hand,
Is the only way I can feel safe
In this land.
Heartless
Worthless
Mantra I say in my head,
no one will love you,
She says.
Blood streams down
down my leg
weight is lifted.from.my head
Just cut,
Deeper and deeper until
Yes I can feel no more pain.
My eyes close and
there is no more room for me to stay
I don’t even know if you really like me. You seem to put an unusual amount of effort into trying to talk to me, but maybe that’s just the way you are. Maybe you’re just nice. You are nice. Always. Even when you seem miserable. Not in a shiny, happy, fake way, but a sad, resigned, kind way. You’re probably the most enthusiastic person I know, and you put so much effort into weird little gestures that no one really appreciates. It’s like you actually care or something. I don’t see that often. Sensitive people are rare around here.
I catch myself wanting to stop work and look […]
It’s been a while, although it sits at bay ready at a moments notice. Just waiting for the next opportunity to form again. Sad existence. No real purpose. I feel like I suffer so everyone else can continue. When I hear of someone committing, I am not sad. I understand that this place is not for everyone. Read a quote that the noise is too much for some. Or something like that. I’ve got more to say but gonna stop now. I wanna see if anyone relates.
if I had a pound for every time I announced I’m going to change id be a rich woman. but now I really need to make a change. being put on mood stabilisers and have a re-referral to a psychiatrist because of my extreme mood swings. I don’t need to be labelled with anything, too much stress. thus I will have a Bridget jones style epiphany; I will stop loosing weight, I will stop cutting, quit smoking, stop relying on drink, I will sleep enough, I will suppress my mood swings…. is this too much all at once?:’)
I cut again. I promised myself I won’t but after 2 weeks I did it again. The cuts from then still haven’t healed fully that I re-opened them once more. I should stop, I know, I need to stop but how come is it that I can’t ?
I think I’m losing you
but I will never regret choosing you
‘Cause I am in love
and for now that will be enough
and the ones around me convinced me that I was the only person
who was dumb enough to believe that you and I had hope
but now I know even after you begin to let your emotions slow
the reason I stood alone was because I was the only one who knew our love was never gonna let go
Everyone wanted me to see that we could not thrive
so gouge out my eyes
’cause if this is reality then I guess I’m […]
it’s never ending .
I feel my self getting worse and worse every day.
I woke up sort of feeling good today . I wanted to kill my self this weekend but I didn’t. I feel selfish for wanting to give up my life , but I don’t know how to turn the pain off.
I went to my dental a class today and I feel like I’ve lost interest . I loose interest in everything. I’m not good at anything and I don’t really mean much to anyone . I haven’t made a impact . Everyone eventually fades out of my life .
Everyday I wake up with […]
here’s the thing about people like me
we have mouths that hunger for the impossible meat
and eyes that spin like hurricanes
the problem with beasties with reaching teeth
is we don’t know where to stop
we bite our hands down to splintered bone
and spit venom in the eyes of those who’d muzzle us
my muscles weep for a sleep beyond time
but my heart trembles in the face of a knife
people like me
we are doomed to chew ourselves to gummy sinew
and scream in the burning color of an autumn sunset
and never quite have the taste
for copper on the tongue
Deer just isnt right
Deer tells himself that he isnt mentally ill
he thinks people will just use this against him
Deer hears things that arent really there sometimes
Deer gets urges to do really bad things sometimes like setting things on fire and watching them burn Or dragging filling his body with poison and constantly feels bad
he can’t complete daily tasks without feeling pain or wanting to go back to bed
he cant sleep at night and spends hours laying in bed thinking about everything he’d done wrong that day
he acknowledges his paranoia and anxiety but tries to ignore everything else
he doesnt knows […]
A few weeks ago, I was starting to get hope that I wouldn’t kill myself, that my future is still bright. Then suddenly, it all disappeared due to the pressure I get in trying to keep up in school. My suicide date is a few weeks away and I want to stop myself from killing myself, but the rest of myself is pretty convinced that I should end my life soon. I’m starting to avoid homework and other things altogether because one, I’m tired of school and that it drains the life out of me. I mean, who wouldn’t be tired when you wake up […]
The worst part of my situation, engulfing emotional pain from loss of love (and I am just below 40, not a teenager), is that I find no consolation. I guess I’ve most often been an agnostic concerning most things both religious, esoteric, “supernatural”, etc. So many days and sleepless nights I have prayed to, like I think Diem S Sky said, a “nameless entity” for something. To a god or goddess, dead family or forefathers, angels, demons, spirits, just *anyone* or *anything* that might have heard me. And I’ve felt nothing. I’ve asked for so many things. I know there are only three options for […]
I have been looking at life insurance that will cover suicide. It appears that most companies that provide this product require the policy to be held for 13 months before the cover of suicide comes into effect. Does anyone have this type of life insurance? I am curious to whether you have to disclose any mental health diagnosis, treatment or past suicide attempts or if there may be any other fine print that may stop a payout on one of these policies?
still thinking about him, that’s not gonna stop… ;-; but it’s been a good birthday ig
So I’ll give you a brief overview of my life.
I’m 14 nearly 15, I know I’m young and I haven’t experienced life properly.
When I was little I was so happy.. I hope so atleast. My life should be so happy ive got great friends and my family. Well atleast my mum my dad still cares but sometimes he gets angry. I know this girl who likes me and well she’s willing to end her life if I end mine, girls huh lol.
Anyways my depression started around 9-10 years old and no one ive talked to has felt the same way of depression. I […]
I don’t expect anyone to actually read this longish post, but I just really wanted to speak to my mind to someone, somewhere…
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how I will know when it’s “time”, and I realized that I have to force myself to walk forward, that there will be no special sign for me. I don’t know if any of you have ever watched fullmetal alchemist, but I’ve been considering the scene where Ed chooses to burn down his him, his memories, the only place he had to return to so that he could not back out of the decision he made.
Although […]
I’ve been seeing a new psychologist since January and last visit she questioned why I was still seeing Psychologists if I believed my life will never get any better. I repeated what I had told her previously, that I simply want help to give up. I seem to continually hope for something to change but I need to accept that nothing can ever change. She has kept trying to inspire me to start doing things in an attempt to make my depression better with the idea that my depression will improve if I simply eat better, exercise and get more sleep. She will not accept […]
Today, for some reason, I could not stop thinking of her. I thought about her throughout the day as always, but when I got home, I napped and dreamed about her. After my nap the thought only got stronger. All I know is, I am never going to have her again the way we used to be… I’ll never forget when she told me, “…things aren’t going to be the way they used to be…” As much as I knew that was true, I didn’t want it to be. I wanted things to be the way they used to be but I ruined it. I […]
Sorry for writing again.
I just gotta know when will the tears stop running down my face whenever i am alone.
I just gotta know when will i finally find peace
I just gotta know when will i accept that things…for me will never get better
I just gotta know when will i get the same love i give out
I just gotta know when does mg pain end
I just gotta know how many times i am have to get on my knees begging for your help
I just gotta know how many pills should i take the next time
I just gotta […]