Hey, anyone who’s a little interesting in this stranger. I already wrote something saying that I was thinking about killing myself and also talking about my own life. Anyway, I’ve decide to leave the world but I can’t. I’m so angry right now. I can’t kill myself. I was thinking in committing suicide by carbon monoxide poisoning.  I can’t because my parents, aunt or grandparents could see me. I thought committing suicide by taking too much pills (my original plan). Then I felt really retarded when I notice that wasn’t as easy as I thought. I don’t want any suffer so I’m not going by hanging, wrist cutting, suffocation, hypothermia, electrocution, […]
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Stranger
Hello.
There are a few background things you might want to know. Firstly, I’m a clinical psychopath. This doesn’t make me a killer or a psycho, although it is generally a daily struggle to keep from being either. To me, the world is black and white; there exists, for me at least, no shades of gray. My parents have known about my condition and have actually by and large done an excellent job of raising me. I come from a privileged family and have had everything I have needed provided for me, within reason. I’ve worked to secure that which would not be provided, namely the […]
I’m finally done. I just can’t stop the madness in my head. I tried all kids of meds. Zoloft, xanax, paxil, Prozac, etc. this list goes continues. Every shrink diagnoses me with the same thing, major depressive disorder and generalized and socialized anxiety. I think hospitalization would only out me in a worse mental state. Talking sometimes helps but mainly I can’t focus that long. Breathing exercises would be eat if I could take a deep breathe. Sure there are circumstances that depress me but there always is and always will be. It’s my own self, my own head. Nothing helps me. No one can help me. After more than 15 years, I’ve felt this way, I don’t have anymore in me. I’m not looking for sympathy or jokes or even asking the best way to go. I just needed to write it down. I do think about my family and the 2 friends that have stuck by me. I thrill of my 11 month niece that won’t know me her auntie. I don’t want anyone to find me. I will leave letters for those who meant the most and I will simply disappear for a stranger to find later.
by mlrobin
written by mlrobin
I’ve been having depression since the end of 6th grade. I’m now in 10th. I don’t take anti- depressants anymore because they don’t help. Let’s start with the fact that- my family is fucked up. My dad used to beat my mother infront of my brothers and I, and then a few months after, he just packed his things and left us. I haven’t seen him since. He’s a stranger to me – and even though I still have this despise towards him for hurting my mum, I miss having a dad role in my life. The other thing is – I’m overweight. I’m 5’3 […]
I seem to stumble on this website at the oddest hours of night.Â
It’s only 4:43AM, and I can’t sleep. This is a self induced insomnia. For the first time in ages I scored Adderall and I felt like myself this evening. All good things come to an end, I’m facing the enviable come down. Maybe it’s my brain reeling from the dopamine flood it just endured. I’ve just gotten to thinking that being a depressed addict is probably one of the worst illnesses in the world. Use to live, and when the dope runs out, curl up and die.
It makes me nostalgic. I miss when […]
I edit and rewrote this poem. Originally not mine but from an old friend. A stranger; now…Â I suppose. The reason why I rewrote this, because it is very beautiful and that person used to mean a lot to me. Still do in a way… but its difficult.. Hope you guys like it.
My hands Shaking like a winter leaf clinging
to the tree against the frost-bitten
Howling wind
My legs buckle as if I am atlas holding the sky
Against this I cannot win It binds me
I am a redwood tree I cannot be moved
But If the skies will allow the wind to whisper
I will sway to its voice
If it […]
But, sometimes her memory can get to me. Like her artwork hanging up in one of our similar classes, or seeing her eat quietly to herself during lunch hour. Brings up the painful memories of our happy times together. And this makes me lonesome sometimes. I am happy don’t get me wrong, but I just feel that hole that she created in me when I think about it. My story often reminds me of the song “Yesterday” by my most favorite band The Beatles. And sometimes when I listen to it, the memories of it all come flooding back to me.
I’ve shared my story before […]
It sounds weird, but I’ve been in a way, staking your profile on here since you sent me your first post. That’s how much I care. Why? Because if you DO do it, I don’t want to learn from some depressing story on the news. Either way it wouldn’t be any fun… Maybe it’s because I don’t want another Aunt Cheri. Well, that’s actually one reason… Another reason? Because you are my closest friend. Even though I’ve only seen you in person twice, you are the only one that knows about 90% of my secrets. I just wish you would tell me when you want […]
It’s laying late in bed. There’s a thousand & one reasons to hate yourself. I’ve given up on myself 6 times. The most severe time that I do remember was on February 2, 2012.
I stayed home from school (my senior year). I don’t like going to school when I feel really depressed. I usually just told my mom that I was sick. MY mind played tricks on me & my nerves made me sick. There was a full bottle of NyQuil & full bottle of Extra Strength Tylenol. I took both. I chugged & swallowed. Things shouldn’t have gotten this bad. I called my friend […]
Everyday thoughts of taking my life are becoming more of a reality to me. I worry tho about my sweet daughter jenni who is the happiest little ray of sunshine I have been blessed with. She’s 22 years old now, lives with her boyfriend and just lives life. My 20 year old son is so lost in this world trying to find his way. He doesn’t really need me because he’s he’ll bent to do every thing his way. He’s a good kid tho. My youngest daughter is 18. She just graduated from hs and thinks she knows everything. […]
“What hurts when I remember this song is remembering how someone you love doesn’t love you back, aond you feel like it’s the end of the world. Little did I know that when the sun rises, a whole new beginning was looking at me, waiting for me. That beginning will always remembers you and returns when the sun sets. And when the going gets rough, the sun will be there for you until it sets. So in short words there is no end. Just a new beginning. ”
I feel like I haven’t written anything on here in awhile. Anyways, I’ve realized that sometimes life has […]
I make this question every day to myself, for something like 8 years. 8 years ago.. i came to italy, with my mother. My parents devorced when i was 3 y.o. and from then i lived with my granparents in russia. My mother gone to italy when i was 5 y.o. and i barely never seen my father till i was 10, then my mom took me with her in italy. she lived with an  italian guy, antonio. when i came to italy, he trowed us on street, with no money, without a reason. Thanks to some friends, we found a home for a month, […]
I found a really neat phrase the other day: “Pyrrhic victory”.
It comes from the Greek general Pyrrhus who fought & won a battle against the Romans but it cost him so many lives he said another victory like that would ruin him.
I feel like my entire life is a Pyrrhic victory. I’m surviving, so I guess I’m victorious. But at what cost? My mind is utterly ruined. I’ve made bitter enemies of everyone who ever knew me. My soul, if ever I had one, is so dark and heavy it’ll drag me down for 100 lifetimes.
What I can’t understand for the life of me is […]
I was just wondering, about certain people who hurts us so much, never appreciated us, took revenge on us for some reason, never bothered helping us when we’re in need of something, but we never failed helping them for anything, and so on.. would just get all the best things in the world. In fact, i personally felt like I am a loser because I have always been good to everyone, but people who never been good to me are in a good position in life, but I’m not. I heard somewhere saying that we need to do good deeds to become a good person. […]
You’re never going to actually read this, so I suppose I’ll post it here. I love you, I tried, I’m Sorry, Goodbye.
I’ve tried helping you with your problems, I wouldn’t dare see a pretty face with so much potential just disappear among the lives of the other, unnoticed and unloved. So many people try to be with you, but I know a secret, something you’ve only told me, some people, they think they know everything about you, but really, I’m the only one you told. Two months ago you were a stranger, just another pretty face in school, but then we talked, and we kept talking, that’s […]
im so so deeply lost…. the world feels like a stranger to me like it seems fake more and more everyday.. i take a walk and i notice things more.. my mind is more open… not sure why so maybe somebody else does? but I’m so lost… lost and scared… i want to drink the pain away.. but i have this feeling that if i start drinking i won’t be able to stop…. i also wanna get high.. ugh… I’m so very very very lost..scared and alone….
-RawrImaTurtle….!…
no matter where i go, i cant seem to make friends that are real, i always run into minipulaters,people that use me for money or something, wen you get to know me, im not as weird as if you were a complete stranger tryin to talk to me,its so hard to make friends,is there anyone that has the same problem?i just want someone i can relate to, and talk to, and not only about life, mabey jokeing around or laughing and being happy, or trying to,if there is,i was wondering if you would want to get to know me, and be my friend,its easyier to […]
My mom just gave birth to a baby girl which means i now have 4 sisters. I’m afraid that she’ll end up to hate the world,to feel unwanted and to feel like she needs to be perfect like the other 3. I want this baby to be positive about everything,to believe,to hope,to think that everything isn’t based on appearance and that everyone should be excepted. I want her to be open minded and open hearted like i am. Me as the first born watched as my mother attempted to raise us all in hate but i was the only one able to wake up and […]
I’m screwed up and I’m broken and I don’t know how or why I came to be like this. Nothing horrible has ever happened to me and from the outside, I have a perfect life.
But somehow, I am not normal. I am steadily going completely insane and nobody has noticed, because I keep it from them. I hide my craziness because I shouldn’t have it. I don’t deserve it.
It doesn’t make logical sense for me to feel this way, but still I know that I’m screwed up. Completely and utterly fucked up and insane.
I’m too many contradictions. I don’t make sense. I can’t even explain […]
I don’t expect anyone to listen or care, i just need someone to vent to and if it happens to be stranger so be it, Nothing will change.
I was disgnoed with evre depression and aniexty in oct.2011, they started me on medication, but none of it make me feel that this is all still worth it, why do i ever have to try to feel happy, i don’t perever feelings, they just eat at me inside untill,my body starts to shake with uncontrollble force, forcing back the tears in public and silence of my mouth, doesn’t stop the soiltary inside me.These though consume me and […]