How may years has it been? How many years must I endure my hate, anager, self loathing? I will never get “better” and I’ll never kill myself. So I’m doomed to a lifetime of pure suffering. How long will heaven or hell make me wait?
There’s no such thing like a purpose or a meaning in life, in fact the whole universe exists without a special reason or purpose. People invented the notion of “purpose in life” so they could cope better with other people’s mistakes, selfishness, cruelty, or because they envy other people’s realisations and thereby they feel less worthy to society and need something to make them go on. It’s a form of self defense, I think. So why is it bad to want to stop carrying traumatic,bad memories or incurable diseases with you? Because other people would suffer from losing you?
We are conditioned to think we have […]
That’d suck if you killed yourself to end your suffering but ended up reincarnating into one of the death camps in North Korea or something. Â I think once you die though that’s it though.
“such voluntary death must give us peace”- Ryunosuke Akutagawa
“Now even if I die, no one will be so grieved as to do himself bodily harm. No […] I know just how much sadness my death will cause you. Undoubtedly you will weep when you learn the news–apart, of course, from such ornamental sentimentality as you may indulge in–but if you will please try to think of my joy at being liberated completely from the suffering of living and this hateful life itself, I believe that your sorrow will gradually dissolve.â€- […]
Sitting here, all I really want to do is paint these walls red. Noth with the blood of mine enimies, but of the blood of myself. I want everyone to witness the blood, the pain, and my suffering. Let them try and wash the blood from these walls and their clothes.
It seems people don’t
care anymore.
Every night I cry, waiting for the day when my suffering ends. But I can’t wait. Its alnost my birthday, but what do I get? Beatings and insults that’s what. My name meant happy. But I never feel that way anymore. I was never destined for happiness. My name should have meant suffering.
Hello.I am new here,so I don’t know anything about this site,all I know is that I am seeking some kind of comfort right now,and this seems like the kind of ‘place’ where I can find it.I have seriously considered suicide a few times,but this is by far the worst time ever.Each time I attempted it I was 100% serious,and yet,as you can see,I am still here.I have started to ‘starve’ myself but it was not on purpose.I haven’t eaten literally anything in three days,not because I wanted to kill myself,not because I’m on a diet,but because I am feeling an unimaginable amount of pain and […]
This is what i need desperately to tell my mother, but i cant because she committed suicide 6 month ago.
She was sick, desperate and when she told me she was going to kill herself, i couldn´t believe her. I didn´t do anything because it just simply CANNOT be true.
I regret a lot of things but the worse, what I cant stand, is that she had to kill herself to die. I wish, even though she wanted to die, she could have the chance to do it pacefully in a bed instead of what she did. It really breaks my heart to imagine how much she […]
Hi, I dont know who to talk to or who to open up to because my pain is my pain. And no one can ease that pain. I sit here and I think that the people that said they love me or care for me but where are they now. It’s true, I’m going to be alone and no one to cry to or tell me we are going to get through this together. W hy have these men come into my life and took that one thing I CHERISHED. Therevare times whereby I just want to find that one blade that will end my […]
I’m not sure I have a grasp on reality. The only things  I know are my feelings and its hard to see events objectively.
I know that I was in love, I mean real unconditional love…for 10 years. The sound of his voice soothed my soul and being around him made me happy. i know how i felt about him terrified me.   And I know he went away. I know I was on medication for years afterward because I dreamed about him every night and somewhere deep down inside me my soul groaned endlessly – like a demon in hell. The suffering was unbearable and no comfort came. I […]
but I am lurking this board for some weeks and it kinda relieves me to read some of your posts.
I have been depressed for 15 years now and without any meaning, any point and any hope for ever getting better, it’s often hard to carry on.
I really have deepest respect for everyone who tells his/her story on here and finds the courage to end their suffering. I know I can’t as I still cling too much on this shit I call my life. Anyway, thanks for reading my useless post, I really appreciate you all.
Every damn year I have to endure this. It will be my 27th Valentine’s Day alone in 2 days… I don’t even know why I let myself get to this point when there is obviously zero hope and I never had any chance. I should have been preemptive and thrown myself off a bridge 5 years ago and then I would have saved myself from about 1825 days of emptiness and agony. I have been alone every single miserable day of my life. Telling myself that this is just another hallmark holiday doesn’t really work anymore, every year it is a brutal reminder of all my […]
i am the nothing man. i carry doom and gloom as my closest companions. i have no talent, no goals, no desires, no hope and i can’t wait to die. the one thing i do have is family and friends, and honestly, that is the reason why i’m still breathing on this god forsaken earth.
at random times throughout the day i visualize a bullet penetrating my skull and blowing my brains out. it feels more peaceful than anything else that i can imagine. to end the suffering which is my mind would be liberating.
i tried for many years to blame the injustices of […]
Somebody in my philosophy class last semester suggested that maybe life is hell. She said, look at all the suffering and pain, doesn’t it seem sort of hellish the things that so many people have to go through? I didn’t know what to think then but now I believe her. This feels like hell, it hurts like hell. The emotional pain I have experienced as a result of depression is absolutely indescribable. There are no words. The feeling of wanting to die is so strong at times that it terrifies me. I know I am capable of acting on it. But I can’t, because I […]
At Age ten I lost connection with the world when I started talking again to my father who was in jail at the time and I haven’t seen in person at the age of four before we moved from our Arizona home all the way to North Carolina. I was told but my mom that she can’t trust me and that I had betrayed her. Our relationship has plummeted to the ground. As I type this shes sitting across the room looking at me every once and a while at me wondering what I’m typing, and she’s probably thinking real hard about something stupid because I’ve lost the love towards her. My step dad whose been put trough […]
I like contributing to this site. I don’t think I help anyone. I feel like I only share. I relate. I feel normal here.
That being said, I am tired of being so sad. I don’t think I can be any other way. Not for the long haul. The thought of being like “this” another 30 some odd years makes me feel nauseous. The thought of doing that alone or around people I despise… I just shudder to think about being stuck in that way.
Over the years I have heard so many mantras, tips, and tricks that make my head spin. They don’t work for me. […]
Im very young only 14 but you would never guess that Im 6 feet 3 inches and always was the big kid.  My parents sheltered me until i was 7 when my mother abandoned us.  I got depressed but i never let out untill my depression turned to rage i got into fights in middle school broke peoples ribs but got off the hook because i did very well in school one day i was blind sided and broke my foot that’s when i got introduced to oxycodone i got addicted it eased my pain and i calmed down i had to steal money from my dad to get the stuff I later  started regularly poping pills whether it […]
what is the point of life? Why do we stay on this earth? why Don’t we end our lives right now if were suffering. Can someone please answer these questions for me? Just whats the point.
I am so much luckier than the rest of you. Though my suffering is constant and agonizing
mentally, and stabbing aching physically- I am easily distracted. I have not been through the horrors you have, and I haven’t 10minutes of downtime in my day. I can lose focus, breath unrestricted for a few moments each day. I am only slightly suicidal. I have yet to cut myself. This is because I am shallow and I have a reputation to uphold- to my family, my classmates, my teachers, my coworkers, officials I need to impress…..
I am so much luckier than the rest of you. And for […]
Why is hope considered a good thing? Hope is the root of all suffering. If we were truly without hope, then we would accept all the pain and become numb to it. But no instead there’s this cruel thing called hope that makes us think we can beat it, so it stabs us and makes us expect salvation that we never get. It makes the pain so much worse because we keep comparing the pain to some imaginary life that’s better. But it never comes. Hope is just a drug that makes us hallucinate great things, but once the high wears off–and it always does–the […]