Hello.I am new here,so I don’t know anything about this site,all I know is that I am seeking some kind of comfort right now,and this seems like the kind of ‘place’ where I can find it.I have seriously considered suicide a few times,but this is by far the worst time ever.Each time I attempted it I was 100% serious,and yet,as you can see,I am still here.I have started to ‘starve’ myself but it was not on purpose.I haven’t eaten literally anything in three days,not because I wanted to kill myself,not because I’m on a diet,but because I am feeling an unimaginable amount of pain and I have not only lost my appetite,but am literally feeling sick when I think about food.And just today it has occured to me that I could just continue not eating and die from starvation eventually,and this is the only way to end the suffering.But I am afraid that I might fail again,like I have before.It’s like the HUGE part of myself really wants to end it all,and only a small part of me doesn’t,and yet I always act on that small part,and continue to live in the terror.So I was wondering,why do we do this?Why don’t we allow ourselves to finally get rid of the burden and be free?
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Because even if we don’t/can’t admit it to ourselves. We are STRONG, ironic-but yes. Because even if we know how little we can hold on to, we still reach for it and hold on. That’s why we’re still here trying to fight the countless struggles, clean all the crap we have in our lives because we’re still holding on. We’re still hoping that we can get out of this mess and while we’re at it, we still wake up every morning to battle, get hurt, lose, and then clean up the mess and do it all over again tomorrow. There’s hope, sometimes we just forget that or choose to ignore it.
It’s the unknown. But we’ve each been dead before, prior to being born of course. And we’re each gonna die anyway. So whatev’s it’s all good.
Yea, I guess you’re right. So we’re just speedin up the process when we commit suicide. Yea that makes sense.
Sorry dumbgirl here. <– should've used that as my username. Oh well.
Sorry you’re hurting 🙁 Your body will fight back before you reach the point of starvation, though. Most anorectics don’t even starve to death. It’s quite difficult unless perhaps you’re far away from anyone who would put you in the hospital with a feeding tube to save your life.
Count me out — I’m not a cowardice. 50% of my words and actions are carried out merely on a whim; no specific reasons whatsoever. No profound answer to tell you, sorry. Most of the time I’m apathetic, not exactly depressed or on the verge of suicide.
@ Moi-même-Moitié
You never waste your words and if at least 50% of what you say and do is carried out on a whim, that’s impressive.
I’m sorry if I sounded dispassionate the last time I communicated with you.
@Sublimity; I have no grounds for complaint. I only wondered if I unintentionally offended you in some way. Honestly, I’d be devastated if I were to lose your favor — I like you too much for my own peace of mind.
@tantal I’ll tell you why! “Even time indefinite he [God] has put in their heart” (Ecclesiastes 3:11). So that small part will always exist… The part that doesn’t ever want to die… just wants that things will get better.
@ Moi-même-Moité
You will never fall out of favour. I didn’t expect you to feel that way about me.
@ Moi-même-Moité
The people behind the usernames once provided the mystery and intrigue that stirred my imagination. Upon reflection, taking into account all that I’ve experience, it is something I’ll never forget. What now for me, I hear you ask; Hmm… I was actually thinking about taking a cruise. See where life takes me. I wonder about the others and what they are up to. There’s more to life than this and we’ll find it, together. No one gets left behind.
@Sublimity; I practically glow in your presence. Were it not for your reassuring words, you would have been held accountable for me going hopelessly insane. A pity I can’t join you on that cruise..
So now, I’ve grown weary of SP. You and the others know where to find me. I’ll be practicing rolling the letter “R” in the meantime.
Au revoir.
You’ve all been on SP a lot longer than me. I think it lasted because it was of some benefit. When I was left alone here, I started to go crazy because I didn’t have anyone to talk to and at the same time had nothing in my life to replace it with.