today marks the 4 year mark of when me and my friend Hunter met… I still remember how we met. I tweeted saying “happy 6 year anniversary Mean Girls!!” and he replied with “On Wednesdays we wear pink” and instantly we started following each other on twitter and got to know each other really well. We were really close for 3.5 years. I was there for him when he got disowned by his parents and family, I was there when he had his heart surgery and almost died, I was there through 3 of 5 rehab trips, I was there to help him plan his […]
Tag:
Suicide
The strange thing is, I don’t feel depressed. I feel like a terminally ill patient just trying to enjoy the time I have left with the people I love. I look around at them and I feel utter guilt and shame at what I know I am going to do. But I also realize how catastrophically disconnected I am and have been for so long from them and everything else. There is a beautiful world out there, but I know now, it is not mine. There used to be something in me that cared, something that loved. But that thing is gone. That thing will […]
suicide is not easy, and it is not cowardly. cowards may commit suicide to get out of the trouble, but for the majority its hard, scary and the final option….hopefully painless. I give up.  I am so very tired. Life just isn’t worth fighting for any more. Tired of being a victim. No matter how I fight back I just keep loosing. Keep getting pushed back and down.  I was sexually abused as a child….lots of therapy …..oh, I forgot, I am supposed to be a survivor. the wicked never rest and no rest for the weary.  These bits and pieces may not make too much sense, but wanted to put […]
I posted on here a few weeks ago about deciding to finally end it all and take my own life. I finished writing my letters last night and I feel like a completely different person! I feel lighter and happy, borderline giddy, like some silly little school girl who has a crush on the popular boy. I’m going tomorrow to buy my helium tanks, as well as the rest of the supplies I am going to need. I’ve decided to use two 14.9 cubic feet tanks from the party store and join them with a t-junction. I’m not using a flow regulator because I don’t […]
These voices are becoming too much to bare. I’ve heard voices all my life, but never to this extreme. I have counted as many as 20 voices all arguing with each other but agreeing over a mutual hatred of me. Telling me to kill myself. Telling me that I’m not worth it. Saying I’m waste of time/space/and money. Calling me a slut. Saying I deserved what those guys have done to me. Telling me not to as my crush out because he’ll just reject me, laugh in my face, and hurt me like everyone else. I fear they’re winning. Slowly driving me insane. I really […]
Contact info below.
I had a birthstar reading done for me and apparently for 17 years, 17 fucking painful, disappointing, abusive, heart wrenching, miserable years of struggle. I have been and am still going through the effects of a bad planet. So from the age 4 to 31 my life was destined to be bad. I pay money that I dont even have to get prayers and rituals done for me but I dont feel any better, just scared and full of anxiety. All I am told to do is pray and chant, but I dont feel any better. I must […]
My dad says I’m a waste of sperm.
My mom says I’m a *****.
My sister says I’m a Satan worshiper.
I hate everything.
I can’t do this, anymore.
I just want to cut until there sin’t anymore blood left in me, and they can’t save me.
It’s not like it would really matter anyway.
I’m not that important, just some teenage girl with a fucked up mind.
The only people, I’d miss is, my bestest friend, and my girlfriend.
I just, i can’t.
I’ve promised so many people, that I’d stop, but I can’t, and I won’t.
I am so fucking DONE. I want to die.. well I don’t want to die, but I want this pain to go away. I want the constant numbness, guilt, sadness, and every other emotion to stop. I want these voices to go away and leave my head. I want my father to actually love me! Hell I want my family to actually love me! All they do is tell me that I’m a waste of time, money, and space. They don’t support me. They don’t encourage me to live my dream. They don’t encourage me to get involved with my church, instead they act like […]
I don’t know where to go from here. Last night my mother found my instagram page. It had nothing bad on it but she freaked out. Look at my account is Mozar121. Anyways then she wanted to all of my accounts to everything, my email, facebook, everything and when I told her no she didn’t like that and told me to move out. I said I will if that means I don’t have to see you and then I was walking out the door when my dad showed up. We talked for a while which I never do but I told him somethings I’ve never […]
I want to cut myself constantly. I wish I was dead. The only thing stopping me, is because if I failed at attempting suicide, I couldn’t stand how disappointed my family would be. Why can’t I just be happy?
I sat down on the bench and looked up at the sky.
A cloud moved in front of the sun to provide some shade and cool an otherwise warm day. A couple birds passed overhead, and a light breeze ruffled the leaves of the nearby trees.
I was waiting for the bus to arrive. I had picked this bus route specifically. It promised to arrive at the destination quickly, although it might be a bit of an uncomfortable trip. I did my research thoroughly, and this was the best route I could find. I had been planning this trip for years, perhaps a few too many. The […]
I’m not sure exactly where I would fall on the spectrum of suicidality. I have a plan. I am in the process of obtaining the means. But even once I have them, I’m not sure I’ll go through with it. I want to have the option.
I’m sad, but it’s due to having to face this decision. Given the choice I’d rather live, but after 20 years of intractable pain with no promise of a cure or even treatment, I realize that this can’t go on much longer.
I have a rare and exquisitely vicious form of OCD. My mind reacts to every small mistake I make […]
I’ll post here once. I think, and I hope
I’m just so fucking tired of life,
Of feeling like everyone hates me.
I’m tired of cutting,
I’m tired of crying,
I’m tired of life, okay?
I just really want to kill myself, but I can’t find a way. I have Ibuprofen, I could down that with Alcohol, making my liver go poof
Or I could jump off the bridge. That’ll definitely kill me. 1, the fall would be too hard. 2, the water is too cold.
Oh well, I’m too tired to figure out how. Maybe I’ll survive? What if I don’t want to survive? What if I […]
Everybody thinks I’m okay, but in fact, I feel really worse and I hide it, because I want my parents to believe it’s going better. Actually, I feel more suicidal then before right now, really want to life this stupid f*cking life and world. But actualy I don’t think I have enough energy right now to kill myself, and to prepare my suicide, which makes me even feel worse. I hate it!! I just can’t even kill myself, because it’s going that worse, who would ever thought that?!
I hate this boring, bored reality / real life / real world, I hate this life, this LIMITED world, and I hate people/humans ..!!
by niki
written by niki
Movies, books, video games, novels, comics, anime/manga, etc etc, basically human’s IMAGINATIONS is a hundred times FAR much more interesting than this very LIMITING reality / real-world / real-life here in this world!
and what’s even worse is that most (about 90%) of humans / people I meet & know everyday are mostly stupid, shallow, superficial, mundane/boring, money and profits and image driven only, ignorant,.. mostly human beings especially today these days are much more bad & hopeless ..!!
(there are -thankfully/luckily?- only FEW humans/people that I like, eg: the very creative/imaginative & ‘other-worldly’ artists who created/made all those awesome fantasy, sci-fi stories, novels, books, […]
It’s been 3 years since i last made a post on here about my depression. Let’s just say I’m the happiest I’ve really ever been. I coped with my depression by exercising and being healthy, doing so I lost 20 pounds in the process which I am happy about. When year 10 of school started I decided I would try something risky and I did. I tried out for the foreign exchange program to go overseas. With the risky decision I succeeded and am now going to Germany in July. And this is all because I found a way to cope with my depression and […]
hi, im trying to kill myself tonight. im thinking of hanging myself from my  balcony with a rope that i will purchase from home depot. any suggestions on which rope to use? i need it done asap before i start cutting myself. i have bad panic attacks and i cant get help. i cant handle them anymore.
I managed to get the pdf/word file of ‘The Peaceful Pill’. I’ve just begun reading it, but it attracts my interest already. It concerns the way I wanna go, in detail. Hopfully it’ll provide me the missing information that I hadn’t been able to get by talking to people on various forums. Now I’m at the part where the phenomenon of suicide is explicated, in general. I’m really hoping I’ll get the answers to my questions in my head.
Need more friends with wings.
All the angels I know
put concrete in my veins.
I’d always walk home alone.
So I became lifeless
just like my telephone.
There’s nothing to lose.
When no one knows your name.
There’s nothing to gain.
But the days don’t seem to change.
ever played truth or dare
I’d have to check my mirror
To see if I’m still here
My parents had no clue
That I ate all my lunches
Alone in the bathroom
There’s nothing to lose
When no one knows your name
There’s nothing to gain
But the days don’t seem to change
There’s nothing to lose
My notebook will […]
To those who are thinking of killing thelmselves ….STOP…take a moment to consider the reality of what will happen. Suicide is the single most selfish thing you could do. The pain you feel right now will not be gone, it will simply be transferred to the people you leave behind. They will never have a chance to say “I love you” again, they will never have a chance to give you a hug or a pat on the back for something good you may not have even known you were doing, they will never have a chance to tell you a joke and see your beautiful and unique […]