Last year I was ready to end it all. After 12 years of therapy sessions, psychiatric evaluations/diagnosises, treatment centers, failure after failure with cocktails of “crazy meds”–I was exhausted–my life was static. My self-esteem was non existent.
After watching the documentary DMT: The Spirit Molecule on Netflix–a spark of hope emerged. I started researching DMT which lead me to Shamanism, Peru, and eventually to Ayahuasca. I booked a ticket to Iquitos, Peru and ended up in the Amazon jungle where for the first time in over a dozen of years I began to see the world in color. I encourage those who have found […]
“Although depression can occur at any age, it affects teens more than younger children. Depressive symptoms may start appearing around age 13, and often peaks between 16 and 24. Yet depression can be difficult to diagnose in young people, because symptoms seldom involve mood alone. One study concluded that fewer than half of teen patients suffered mainly from depressive symptoms. More often, they developed a mix of mood and behavioral problems, for example, agitation, anxiety, attention difficulties, or defiant behaviors.”
© 1998-2013 Mayo Foundation for Medical […]
Do you know what I mean?
That feeling when you wake up and the first thing you want to do is go back to the world you were in the whole night. A world where you can be anything, achieve everything. Where nothing is weird and you can be truly happy?
I do.
Since I was fourteen.
If I could make one wish, I would wish I could live inside my dreams.
I have been thinking about suicide a lot… But you know…
I just can’t.
Maybe you expect me to say that I can’t because I don’t want to hurt my family. But that’s not it.
If I die, I can’t dream […]
Now, you may think I’m just that teenager, who goes bitching about their Mother and has tantrums about who gets the remote.
This isn’t the case.
Throughout my life, I have had a fairly descent childhood, I’m not raped, I’m not assaulted. It’s more of a psychological thing. From the age 0-7 every thing was fine and dandy. Both my Mother and my Father had a healthy relationship, two sweet little girls and a bouncy boy (me). Then it all went wrong. My Mum decided my oldest sister was responsible enough to look after us, cook for us and care for us; being 13 at the time. […]
I see absolutely no point of being around.I just keep forgetting that and end up backing out of suicide before its to late.I cant keep doing that.Im not meant to be was never meant to be.My oldest sister will be leaving soon off to college i will never hear or see her again.I cant deal with that.
If i continue to live i will be homeless or institutionalized.My best friend says shell take care of me but she cant take care of herself let alone can i.I dont know how to survive this world.I cant survive this world.Ive thought of seeing if i can hang […]
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SHqo2FDJSU0I feel like nothing is going anywhere… nothing is getting any better. A year ago I moved to my father’s to finally get away from my mother, sister, and my mother’s boyfriend, because they were pushing me to the edge. They’ve always been “there” for me, at things like competitions for band, and driving me to school events… but that is pretty much where it ends.
My mother loves me, and I hate seeing her upset, but when my sister is around, there is always a pointless fight started by her, and I get to the point of just wanting to jump off the […]
i am the most selfish person in the world. My dad beat my mum and me. He called me a fat oath and more. I get bullied at school I get called fat and that I should die and that I’m a lanky fat shit. Well I believe these things I am fat I am a waste of space. I started cutting because I called out for help and no one was there. 4 months ive been free of self harm but the self harm in my mind in still there their voices are in my head all the time. I can’t talk to no […]
Anyone ever had something terrible done to them? I did. Police, doctors counsellors. Everyone was concerned. I wasn’t. Was I suppose to? I was upset sure, but everyone assumed I was suicidal, depressed, I was crazy, I needed help. Putting words in my mouth. Sure I was depressed I still am and was way before this, and sure I’m suicidal but I’ve been for a long time. This changed nothing. Or I though it didn’t. It was funny the first few months I acted like nothing happened. Everyone was concerned, and I was neutral to the whole thing. It never hit me. But as months […]
Somedays I just lay in my bed staring at the walls in silence. I get so busy in letting my thoughts run that an hour will casually slip by, just like that. Sometimes two.
Staring at these white walls.
Not listening to music, not sleeping, not on my laptop, not even moving a twitch. I just let myself breathe in silence.
And I wonder adding up all those hours, adding into days, weeks of endless uselessness of nothing when I go to meet God will he damn me for these days of wasting my “precious” life he gave? The big man will ask me, why […]
i freaking called a crisis line what the fuck is wrong with me they will call the cops and send me back to the looney bin god i hope the police dont show up at my house tonight.I even told her the state i live in.Now i feel even worse.I hope i get the chance to end myself tomorrow since they think its friday
Fine you want a back story don’t you?
Ive been wanting to die since I was 14 years old. I’m 27. I’ve survived mulitple suicide attempts. I dont have the courage to jump off a building or blow my brains out with a gun.
I’ve tried hypothermia in a freezing river. I pissed myself before i jumped into that water, oh it fucking burned so bad i couldnt stand it, i was like alright ima just get a gun this shit is too painful. Then I got a gun and couldnt pull the trigger, I was going to shoot myself in the temple and thats like one […]
I am destined to destroy myself my darker thoughts may lessen from time to time but they never go away the need for physical pain and inebriation holds me down. For every good day there are thousands of bad ones. I’ve never done anything good for myself. I convince myself I don’t need to eat today get blackout drunk grab a razorblade or hunting knife and cut myself open and watch the blood pour. I can keep myself busy and not think destructively but when I sit and think for 5 minutes I think about shotguns and razors. No one cares to be around me […]
Dose anyone have concrete information regarding chloroform and its use in suicide???
from what I know it dose not take long and is not that hard to obtain…So what is the catch??? why aren’t there more report of chloroform suicides reported??? it sound simple..the only negative I have read about this is possible skin irritations…dose anyone know more about this or why its not a popular way of suicide???
dose anyone have any concrete information about this drug???
How effective is a successful suicide with this drug???
roughly how much is needed???
my psych doc has no idea I think this way, is there any way to convince her in prescribing this??? I take prozac(which is an older anti depressant as well but not effective in suicide)have taken it for years , can I convince her to switch my RX to a Tricyclic??? or do doc’s no longer prescribe this???
I know its a lot of stupid questions but I am at ground 0…need all the info I can get…
I have found web sites in the us(which is […]
dose anyone have any concrete information about this drug???
How effective is a successful suicide with this drug???
roughly how much is needed???
my psych doc has no idea I think this way, is there any way to convince her in prescribing this??? I take prozac(which is an older anti depressant as well but not effective in suicide)have taken it for years , can I convince her to switch my RX to a Tricyclic??? or do doc’s no longer prescribe this???
I know its a lot of stupid questions but I am at ground 0…need all the info I can get…
I have found web sites in the us(which is […]
okay, I wanna kill myself so bad. i get bullied everyday. and now to make it all worse my best friend is dating the guy i’m in love with. Cutting int good enough for me. I hate my life and i wanna end it. What should i do?
I’m scared to get close and i hate being alone.
I long for that feeling to not feel at all.
The higher i get, the lower i’ll sink.
I can’t drown my demons, they know how to swim.
I have been dead for years now and am ready to check out now…its time…I dont want to go into details of my life…all I can say is emotional and physical pain has worn me out…I do not want to be here anymore..I cant…I have tried to survive but I am drowning…sadly there is no one out there for me…no one…everyone I cared about…every one I thought cared for me is now gone…the people(person really) left in my life do not encourage suicide but left me emotionally long ago so I do not have a support system…not that I ever did…my physician have given up […]
In my health class, we’re doing the “Jason Foundation”. Which is a suicide prevention program our school does for all health classes. We watched a video from it and it showed what these people are going through and it showed a Guy cutting himself. I didn’t want to watch it so I looked at this packet we had to fill out and a Guy said “Why aren’t you
watching? Does your past hurt you, attention whore?”
Honestly, it did hurt watching it. But, that’s complete BS that some Guy, WHO DOESN’T EVEN KNOW WHAT I’VE BEEN THROUGH, would give me crap because I have […]
It never ever fails for me to go a day without having an outbreak of feeling depressed and suicidal. Today it happened while i was driving and i got the worst road rage ever, then i got home and cut myself 4 times deep enough, but not deep enough to actually feel better. i want to die, i hate my life and i hate that i can not handle anything, maybe i am too sensitive to be alive. But hopefully one day i cut myself deep enough to hit a vein and end all this pain.