I have been having anxiety attacks since I was six years old. When I was 12 I had my first episode of major depression and at 13 made my first plan to kill myself. At 16 I was diagnosed with clinical depression and at 19 I was hospitalized for 2 weeks. Around the age of 30 I had clinical anxiety added to my diagnosis of long term depression. Now I’m nearly 40 and the pain never ends. Sometimes it recedes enough that I can laugh but I’m never really happy. The latest episode of major depression started four months […]
Tag:
Suicide
I’ve been fitghing against suicide since I was 11 years old, 5 failed attempts with a difficult internal war against hurting my family in my mind. Each time, under the water or out in the freezing snowy fields, I eventually find myself in a state of bliss, which eventually goes off, the numbness and stangnacy that I see as my only possible future just dances its way back into my life and I start all over again.
And once again I’m here on this edge looking for a way to do this without harming those I love. It’s not a matter of weather or not […]
i’ve never been happy.
a lot of bad things have occurred in my life, same as everyone else, and i’m quite aware that many people have dealt with their situations a lot more admirably than i have, and i know that a lot of people have it off a lot worse than i do. i’m just shit at handling reality. i feel things too intensely and i’m always pissed off or sad about something. i get through it day to day in little ways; i know i have amazing people in my life and i really do enjoy the beautiful things around me.
it’s just that nothing […]
if you need somone to talk to, or someone to vent to, i might be able to help, so email me @ thursday_mourning@aol.com im her for anyone and everyone 🙂 be sure to put “suicide project” in the subject box & ill respond ASAP.
I want to kill myself, shocking, the problem is the backlash of a failure. I know for a fact that my therapist will send me across the country if I so much as even cut again. I have no idea what he would do if I attempted suicide. If I get sent away I know that the hospital will keep me long term. I can’t deal with that. I don’t know what I’ll do if my therapist finds out that I haven’t stopped cutting. I’m scared of that. I just want to end this terrible game of cat and mouse. No one is ever going to find out what’s […]
You know what would be wonderful? If I got Cancer and died. See I would reject Chemotherapy and then I’d die sooner or latter. Then everyone would talk about me after I died like I was such a wonderful person.
“She fought so hard”
“There was always a smile on her face”
“She could always make me laugh!”
Maybe my dad would finally show his face at my funeral…first time in almost 10 years…Or maybe my mom wouldn’t even tell him about it…My teachers would probably come. I was a very loved student. I hardly ever did my homework and I was failing most of my classes but they’d come…I’m sure of it. My reading teacher […]
I don’t understand how I’m still alive. I honestly don’t. My last attempt wasn’t my first, it was my 16th, and I’m still not sure that it will be my last.
I would say I’m lost, but that would imply that I’m actually going somewhere; I’m not. I’m in this rut and I wish I knew how I got here, but I think it’s one of those things that creeps up on you.
So, seven weeks ago I jumped in front of a tube train. It wasn’t planned, I think I decided in about five minutes. I had previously thought about it, and I’ve been really close […]
I don’t have to commit suicide. Â I will shrivel up and die of loneliness. Â Every time I learn to deal with being alone, someone dangles a carrot in front of me, and as soon as I begin to trust they care, Â they snatch it away, and it’s worse than it was before. Â if only I could feel a man’s arms around me, nothing more necessarily. Â But the carrot has been ripped from my soul again. Â Even emptiness would be preferable to this pain. Â Will I ever learn that trust is toxic?
Me: I cut
Society: Attention seeker
Me: Im ugly
Society: Attention seeker
Me: Im pretty
Society: Concietted b¡tch
Me: *commits suicide*
Society: Its a shame. They were so beautiful.
I just honestly dont get it. Whats wrong with society now a days?
“You wanna know whats ugly? Society, insecurity, and judgment. Wanna know whats not? Read my first word.” ~Anonymous
So… Â 2 weeks ago i tried to commit suicide… Obviously i failed at that attempt, but did stay in a psych unit for 7 days. My point? I am a failure…..especially with life.
We, as citizens, have the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. But what if we don’t want our rights? Criminals continually wave their right to a lawyer, right to remain silent, all that good stuff. And some of them actually use it to their advantage, like smart dumbasses.
But to wave our right to life? If it’s done against our will, could it be considered murder? The definition of ‘murder’ (from dictionary.com) is the unlawful act of killing someone. Now, in my own personal terms? Murder is done against the victim’s will. Their right to life isn’t waved, just invaded… For all eternity.
But […]
Umm..Hi! Im Olya..And Im 15..Im from Greece..And i have commited suicide since I was 13…I dont know why Im really writing this…But…Im really awful…I dont have much friends -the girl who uses to be my best friend left me without a reason…She was everything to me…I loved her more than my parents though… 2 months later our common friends told me that she left me cause they learned im a whore,and cause i had had sex…which is not true….nevermind…my parents knew that i have been cuttin’ for so long,i have been to a doctor also,but didnt help…I cutted yesterday also,they saw the scars and got […]
I try to hide my insecurities, my hopelessness. I don’t know how to release them all. I hide my depression. I mean, I guess there are signs. But I’m pretty sure I’ve hid all signs of ever thinking about suicide. I cut, it will definitely show. So it would be very small. I’d hurt myself. But I bruise easily. There’s only so much you can attribute to clumsiness. I can hide little bruises, little things, but never anything big.
I like to project myself as a sunny person, so no one must know how screwed I am. My disposition is “sunny”. I don’t talk much, just […]
Why does it hurt so badly when you breakup with someone you love? It seems like many people contemplate suicide after a breakup, but the reality is that breakups are a part of life and you just have to accept it and move on. Younger people especially, seem to be more affected by breakups. Though when you lose the love of your life, it really hurts and can be hard to move on.
Yesterday I attended the funeral of a young woman from work who committed suicide. She was 24, exceptionally talented, well-travelled, enthusiastic, professional and extremely insightful with a social conscience and maturity years beyond her age. Was this woman’s experience similar to mine? I am in my late twenties. When I was 21 I attempted suicide. To others, I had everything to live for. I was healthy and athletic, I’d been accepted into a highly competitive course at a prestigious university, and my family was loving and supportive. Those around me did not understand the course of my depression and anxiety, and despite my efforts to […]
Today sucks, I didn’t want to do anything. I hated to be at therapy today. But when one of the therapists got me out of the group, I knew my mood would get worse because of the talk. My mom had called to therapy because she was worried about me. I told her yesterday that I didn’t want to live anymore. So one of the therapists wanted to talk to me about that. I really got angry when she wanted me to say: “I want to die.” She knew that I wanted to die, because my mom told that to her. She had also said […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
Hi everyone.
This is my first and probably last post on this site. No, it’s not because I’ll be dead tomorrow. I just need to let out my feelings on here, once and only once, because I can’t do it in real life.
First off, I don’t care who’s reading this, since it’s anonymous. I’ll say that I probably can’t be considered truly suicidal anymore, because I don’t ever seriously think about suicide–it’s mostly a compulsive thing that plagues me when I’ve had a bad day. The reason I’m really here is because I’ve had so many feelings lately and no one to talk to about them, […]
i dont have any friends, i have people who i go around with at school, but i feel like im just hanging about like a bad smell.one girl is constanly falling out with everybody, and outcasting them, sending them horrible messeges and the afew days later forgets all about it. its happened to me afew times but somehow iv always wriggled my way back into the group. i get so paranoide about this, wondering when it will happen next. if i dont speak to her im left out of my social group and some friends i really like dont speak to me. i cant just make new […]
Hi… I really need to get something off my chest, so I’m posting it here and I hope no one will mind. This is going to be kind of a long ramble. So, I’m 21 years old. I have no friends, and I have never had friends. My mother is overbearing, my father a drunk. I’m awkward around people, which is probably because I’ve only spoken to a few people in my entire life. (I’m on the extreme end of the social anxiety spectrum and I’ve always found it difficult to talk to people I don’t know.) People give me strange looks whenever I walk […]