Why is that stabbing myself seems like a beautiful way out of my misery?
More beautiful than friends, more beautiful than family.
The knife is right there, on the kitchen table, next to my cup of tea.
Tea. Or knife?
A simple stab is all it would take. Maybe two for good measure.
But for now I pick up the tea. I’m too cowardly to do otherwise.
Tag:
Tea
i live for these moments.
the ones im sitting in the little nook of my room, listening to my favorite song, sipping peppermint tea, and blogging. the moments when im at the perfect temperature with a flannel blanket wrapped around me, and my cat pacing indecisively across my lap and all i can think of is you.
you look at my life, seems calm and cozy. i have a well balcenced life with exersise and friends. got ski racing and cadets. From a birds eye view it looks as if  i have the near perfect life not just from other people but i think so to but im just so sad. my life is overrun in my mind i gotta think what to do next for cadets so the head officer wont give me shit. But he does any way no matter how hard i try. he tell me to do a list of things i need for next week. usaully saying […]
Lyrics to a song have always been a huge deal for me, I like to always decipher them and hear the inner story… I came across a song I hadn’t heard in years. Hearing the familiar song made me cry, not the silent kind of tears, but the body shaking sobs that take you over for hours at a time… The kind of cry session that makes you think of every single event in your screwed up twisted life. The words to the song spinning in your head over and over again…
It was probably the most amazing thing I have ever felt… Finally […]
Every Summer since I was a teenager has been tough for many different reasons.
From being in hospital, to loosing someone to death, to drinking myself awake every morning.
This Summer is full of promise.
This Summer is probably going to be my most memorable Summer yet and maybe ever.
I have no money but so much hope and love that it could fill an entire city.
I’ve one small worry though. This might be the start of the end of me and my bestfriend.
I’ve known this girl Hayley for 13 years of my life and I’m 17 yet.
She is literally my soul mate.
I […]
Don’t care about hope, will, or any other hopeful feeling. If u have the desire then u will do it. Despite what others think I’m done here. And here is my idea. With wolfs bane or monkshood mixed with belladonna and your favorite tea. How you decide to take it is your choice. Remember if you want it natural then be smart and make sure all evidence is destoryed. Pre make and then throw rest away. No letter but make sure you have the best day of your life. Do not be dramatic. Wash cup well or soak. I suggest put on dishwasher and turn […]
Today I went to a farm and got some milk and visited the baby cows. (Oh my god, I sound like I’m 5) I really did, isn’t that sad? I talked to the baby cows and they were so cute and I actually felt they accepted me. I’m sure they looked at me in an accepting way. It’s the most social I’ve been in awhile. There was a rooster too, but I didn’t talk to him. They had this tea called kumbuchu? And it’s almost like hard cider , it’s kind of giving me a buzz. That was all after I’d gotten lost for an […]
Know how I came across this site? I googled, “How to disapear.” And I was brought here…
I was having a bad day, I suffer from depression and today just wasn’t good. I saw my friends and was just in a terrible mood and felt like everything was falling apart. My friends are always busy, I get mad at them for no reason, and sometimes I just feel like Im falling back into this deep, dark place that I used to be about 2 years ago. But then I made my favorite tea, put on my favorite movie and came across this site. And it really […]
I’m 12. Freaking 12. And I have a suicide note written.
When I was 11, I fell into a depression. I wasn’t quite sure why, I guess my parents pissed me off too much. I couldn’t go a day without crying. Sure, call me a crybaby.
It was too much stress. I had projects due, tests upcoming, essays my dad forced me to write. I hyperventilated at least five times.
One day, I was printing out another essay when my dad was yelling at me in the other room. I looked down and saw the printer cord…and then suicide popped into my mind. Why not?
I wrapped the cord around my […]
i don’t eat anymore.
I am killing myself inside- i know, so stop telling me. Maybe this is what i want…
People say they’ve seen i have lost weight, this is what i aim for, so it must be helping.
Im not that stupid that i dont eat ALL DAY & ALL NIGHT, because all of my friends say that it just makes you have a bigger belly. So i have small meals, or starve myself until dinner (which i dont eat much of)…
I have had two cups of tea today to keep me awake because no food = no energy…
Slept in til midday as well because then its […]
Just making a list that I can look back on whenever I feel down.
– Parents: Unlike what most people I know say about their parents, mine are amazing to me. They have supported me through everything and never left. If anything, they are here more than ever 🙂
– Close friends: They understand that I need them, but that I also need space.
– Boyfriend: I don’t even know where to start with how much he has helped me.
– My old therapist: The reason I can trust.
– My ex / now friend: The one person who completely understood and took all the […]
Once when I was little I was happy and carefree I used to run around laughing
Until it was time for tea I used to play games And smile all the time I used to feel on top of the world I used to feel fine It’s amazing how things change When people let you down And how that once happy face Turns into a solemn frown
You search and search For someone who cares Anyone who understands Anyone who dares Loneliness, it hurts It kills you deep inside It makes you feel empty It stops you in your stride You cry yourself to sleep Hugging your pillow tight Wishing for someone To hold you through the night Once when I was little I was happy and carefree Now […]
I don’t know where this post will take me, but i just need to write to take my mind off walking to thesupermarket and buying a binge fest. I have already eaten 6 bars of chocolate, 3 packet of crisps (potato chips?) 1 tub of ben and jerry icecream… Been for a run, had an extremely hot shower and my empty void is still there.. Add to that the half block of cheese i just ate and the two cheese toasties that are cooking..
I am also going to my dads for tea, his fridge is stockpiled with binge worthy food…. Argh… Anyone got any tips […]
Hi. I’m fairly new here but it seems like a good place to share my writing. I don’t know if anyone else will appreciate it but I just want to put it out there…
I wrote this last night. It’s meant to be a song but I suck at putting things to music, so it’s just lyrics. Feel free to make up your own tune if your musical. I sing…
Anyways, feel free to give me feedback. I’ve never shown my stuff to anyone before because I’m pretty good at pretending to be alright and I don’t want to ruin all that hard work. Here it is:
hey, guess what! i thought up some more!
AtTheEnd and those apples….
hippies
Woodstock
yum. tea.
popcorn
churros
chinese food
that feeling in the air after a nice storm of cleanliness and fresh beginnings
knowing y’all care
some nice lightning displays
those adorable couples who hug each other in public
my butterflies
singing in the rain
giving others hope
donating hair
tweeting #MyRaysOfSunshine for all to see! (y’all should join in! let’s make it a trending topic!)
receiving texts
emails, too!
oooo, and i LOVE getting letters in the mail!
that’s all for now, folks! y’all come back now, ya here?
one night one night i had this dream .. the sky was dark and the whole worls was mean mommmy you where there but you went the same ..you had no money and you were insane i remember you spent everything we had on morphine…
you couldn’t pay the rent of a two bedroom so we shared our broken house with a couple of goons .. who sold drugs and where all cracked out they stayed in the living room sleeping on the couch ..
momy mom why rant you eating … im not hungry dear .now goodbye im leaving.. she walked out the door sometimes it […]