Spotted this in a shop window. Sums up the inside of my head most days. Sorry its sideways. Have a good day sp. Love to u all.
Not literally but mentally. The saddest and most painful kind of dying is the kind on the inside. It takes time and you slowly become a you who is not you. I feel like everyday i am getting closer till whats left of myself gets sucked out of me. My personality, my spirit, my happiness. I only have some left and everyday i get closer because Im trapped. I just need to move out really soon. I have to leave with the little i have left.
Do I have to spend my life trying to try? Trying to fix things? No. Wrong question. But yes, being alive is being hopeful. Hopeful? Even though life eats you up all the way from the inside before it even begins to show on the outside. I’m talking about the scars you have from letting blood, because that makes sense; you cut yourself and blood escapes the crease that separates what binds the skin together.
Nor the bags under your eyes caused from endless sleepless nights or disturbed sleep caused by misread and confounding dreams that make you want to avoid sleep, one of the only […]
Does it sound weird when I say that I feel beautiful on the inside but every time I look in the mirror I see someone who is ugly and worthless. That will not get anywhere in life. Does anyone know what I’m talking about? Any kind of helpful tips to not feel so down on myself. I would appreciate any kind of tips!
Everyday is the same never f*cking ending routine. I get up, eat, go to work, come home and lay around until my body succumbs to drowsiness. I do nothing in my free time anymore. My passion for art is completely dead and my friends never invite me to do anything. They don’t text me or even come close to asking if they want to hang out with a loser like me. I feel alone. I feel uncared for. I feel unappreciated. I’m rotting from the inside out. Why the hell was i born if I was meant to suffer? If I was meant to hate […]
My life right now seems akin to that of a leaf’s in fall: vibrant and full of color on the outside, but dying on the inside just waiting, aching really, for winter’s final gust.
I don’t know why I do the things is do. I don’t know why I think how I think. I don’t know why I’m so sensitive. I don’t know why I love with all my heart and soul. But in the process I’ve lost my dignity, my strength, and my manliness. I want to meet Jesus, assuming he’s my maker. When I do I’m going to ask him where I went wrong. I’m sure he’ll have no problem telling me how it is. I just hope he doesn’t banish me from eternal life because I pissed the one he gave me down my leg. Being […]
I lay here all night and morning till the sun comes up. The light hurts my eyes now I’m so used to being alone in the dark and enjoying the quiet that I hate so much. It’s not that I like being alone it’s all I’m used to. How do you go about changing that? Make friends, get into a relationship, go outside and live a little? I can’t anymore, I’ve lost my connection with the rest of society it’s just me, my bed, and my thoughts. I don’t even want it to go away anymore I just want it to be quiet forever. I […]
Why do people say that? Time heals all wounds… classic quote that means shit. Dad, you died 2 years ago, and today is ‘your’ day .. I can’t celebrate it anymore, and I miss you so much. But 2 years.. no relief. That knife that twists in my stomach when I think about how much I wish we could trade places – it still hurts with the same intensity as the day you passed. I can’t stop hurting inside, I can’t stop wishing it was me instead of you – I don’t understand WHY God took you .. you are a thousand times more important, […]
I hate myself and I feel like a complete loser. I used to think I was somewhat pretty, but now I feel ugly, especially on the inside. I feel disgusting and dirty like I murdered someone. I am taking summer classes because I decided I just had to double major in another useless liberal arts field and it’s hard not to compare myself to people out having adventures and experiencing life. I don’t think it’s that lame to stay in school necessarily but for some reason I feel like I’m horrible for staying at home with my parents with no money or job, crying like a baby every day […]
I thought about suicide again today. The pill bottle was in my reach. All I had to do was grab it and walk to my room, but I didn’t. While I was walking by all I could think was “Life is worth living. You have to live.” Now I know I should have done it. The pain I feel everyday is like a whole getting bigger and bigger. It feels like someone is scraping the inside of my chest out. I just get so angry and I try to calm down. There is this method my Mom told me about. She always said “Count to […]
I am so bipolar.
I have really bad anger problems. Like I get so mad and I feel like I’m such a monster.
I feel so evil on the inside. I’m scared to know what I’m capable of doing.
It’s just that I feel like it takes over me and I can’t control it.
Is it just me? Am I that different?
This hits home so much for me. One struggling for so long when both sides are starting to crumble into one. One side the girl so happy, bubbly, full of life, always smiling or making others laugh. Then the other side of her. The one that cries her self to sleep at night, the one that cuts and self harms herself to keep her pain and emotions under control to keep her from crying out, the one thats hurting on the inside and feels like […]
A disclaimer to the world.
I really don’t belong. There’s no conceivable place on this planet where I belong.
The public is my enemy. If you put someone in front of me, I’ll do everything in my power to disregard them, including not-disregarding them. My mask is so genuine that it even deceives myself half the time, such is the cost of being able to blend into society, and avoid being a homeless bum the rest of my pitiful existence (of which will continue to be a pitiful existence, bum or not, however bums are publicly pitiful, which is why I’m willing to throw myself away most […]
I don’t know what to do I try and explain how I’m feeling to friends and they just say your fine. But I don’t feel fine. Most people see me and a nice funny smart person and wouldent think I’m depressed but I can’t eat I throw up the meal a day I way I can’t sleep . I don’t get it I need help but no one seems to care I honestly lost the thing that kept me going but what do I have now a family that honestly doesn’t care for me I don’t know what to do anymore I haven’t eaten for […]
Travelling on a train I wonder how many of my fellow passengers suffer from suicidal thoughts; who, like me, had considered jumping under the train instead of getting on it.
In the supermarket I wonder how many of the other customers suffer from depression; who, like me, had difficulty getting out of bed and motivated.
Walking down the road I wonder how many of whose walking past suffer from social anxiety; who, like me, just want to be hidden away indoors instead.
How many others are there who suffer in quiet; ripped apart on the inside, but silent stoicism on the outer; I wonder.
I’m so confused…like during the day I’m fine and all but when I get home I just get these voices in my head telling me that I’m worthless and ugly and so many more names. I try to let out my pain by cutting but it doesn’t work anymore…I don’t feel it…I’m numb. I’m scared to tell my friends that I harm myself because they make jokes about people killing themselves and hurting themselves…I can’t lose them because they are all I have…I’m dying on the inside…I’m trapped…if I lose them then it’ll drive me off the edge…I’m scared to ask for help…I’m scared of […]
Hey it’s me one of the many unknown here.I just…don’t have the power to speak to someone so i guess i will just you know write it here i guess somebody will see it.So i don’t know where to start but i aint gonna make this long i just don’t feel like it.I am here as always alone in my room after a couple of drinks just like always i burns on the inside i guess getting drunk is the only thing that helps me sleep.I’m just laying here alone i have nobody is the same day everyday i just think i’ll quit.I don’t think […]
Ever since I was little I dealt with a tumultuous relationship between my mom, my dad and my brothers. I’ve been abused my whole life. I use sex as a way to feel loved. I’ve had over 15 sex partners and I’m not even 18. I hate my brother most of all. He rubs his achievements in my face like he’s better than me. He makes fun of me cuz I had to stay back my freshman year of high school. I do recreational drugs to numb how I feel. But sometimes, I just want to die. I don’t want to feel anything anymore and […]
He handed me a pair of pliers
and he told me to pull out his teeth,
because as long as he had them he’d
use them to do bad things.
You’re cold on the inside,
there’s a dog in your heart
and it tells you to tear everything apart.
My body’s covered in teeth marks.
Your bite’s worse than your bark.
You ruin everything you touch and
destroy anyone you love.
You’re all over me.
He’d sunk his teeth into the flesh of many others,
infecting them with whatever was already inside him.
He’d broken all their hymens,
cut them open and played inside them.
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