It seems like if people aren’t beheading you for being an infidel, you’re being judged for your honesty. I really don’t understand how doctors and other intelligent people can be happy, unless they manage to block out the world somehow. I’ve observed several stories about intelligent people committing suicide, being murdered, or shamefully humiliated by society. I thought that I could be happy by being mean, but I’m just not naturally an asshole like so many others. I feel bad when I make morbid jokes based off of reality. When I talked to my therapist, I often told him what was bothering me, and he […]
Tag:
the world
*i want to apologize in advance. These are the things I can’t say to the man who promised the world and took everything I had left.
I can’t do this anymore. I can’t deal with you pretending I don’t exist one day and making small talk the next. I don’t want to live waiting for the day you decide to start caring. The things you said about me that night are killing me. Was there ever a time that you loved me, or was it all lies? I’m so tired. You only text me when you’re sad or upset, but you ignore me when I need […]
I find every thing about life exhausting. The daily interactions with other people, all the expectations and obligations. Every aspect of living takes more effort than it is worth. The work the effort we have to put into this existence its just far more than we ever get out of it. I have this secret fantasy, of getting sent to prison on a life sentence. Where I get to serve out the whole sentence in solitary confinement. Just 24/7 locked in my little cell, never seeing anyone else. Just slide a meal tray through the door once or twice a day and leave me alone. […]
The evil that is in the world almost always comes of ignorance, and good intentions may do as much harm as malevolence if they lack understanding.
I’ve come a long way since I was younger. The last years of my life have been filled with travel, education, and growth. Even though it was good, I still felt like I didn’t want to stick around. I stomached it and tried to make myself happy anyway, because there were times where I was honest to god glad to be alive.
It would suck if I never stopped feeling like this though. Objectively speaking, I’m at the top of the world. I have everything that I could want and I try to dedicate time out of everyday to be grateful for it, but sometimes I […]
Its been so long since Ive been happy. Day in and day out I yearn to just bleed, to let it out, to let go. All the pain of my life. Some 30 years of nothing but disappointments and pain. They say that the only thing that life promises is suffering. I say they are right. Its a sick twisted world that I have chosen to bring children into. I met the love of my life and now I dont even care if it all ends. He cant even be enough to keep me here. We have a baby. Its still not enough. What I […]
I’m not what you’d call suicidal. I don’t wish I was dead every day or think that the world would be better off without me. Personally I just need SP because it’s the only place I have found where I can express all my fucked up feelings and emotions free of judgement. If I’m not active on here or I don’t read all your shit and comment on everyone else’s shit I’m sorry, it’s because I come here to let out my own personal demons not to drown myself in everybody else’s.
Yes, thank you if you read my stuff and comment on it, I […]
The people who live in this world are all pieces of shit and some are even worse than me. Wrost of all the majority can’t even see that their lives are worthless.
Life doesn’t have a meaning so they try their hard to find something to fullfil the fucking hole in the middle of their chests. And they think that’s OK.
I just don’t kill myself because I’m too afraid of what happens then. So I’ll have to fight for something I don’t want and see the world like a fucking rainbow and be HOPEFUL.
FUCK THIS SHIT.
My username, effystonem, is based on Effy Stonem, a character from the British television show Skins. It’s truly a great show and if you watch it you’ll enjoy, I’m sure. Effy is a main character in the second generation of Skins, although she does show up in a few episodes in the first generation. Effy is completely relatable; at least I think she is. She’s quiet, dark, an alcoholic and drug addict. And she’s only 16. She’s drop dead gorgeous on the show, although her personality tends to repel people. She’s just a girl who bottles up all her emotions in this tiny, frail body. […]
Like the title says; i have lost ALL interests. There are still some people whose companionship I prefer above others but one hand I prefer to be alone but still need people around me at times. Currently I get this at work and after work it is enough; this is exactly like in my high school years.
Again I am reading a lot.
I am reading mostly read about older civilizations and technology.
My issue is how the world is being run. What they say about dictatorship is that most people prefer it because it is simply less messy. But we need one in the […]
it has been exposed
our secret leaked
the world now knows
there is beauty
in suffering.
I can attest
I’ve seen it too
the artistry
intense
vibrant colors
at our expense.
The tortured soul
a vicious hue
magenta, lavender
and blue.
The colors bleed
impending doom
a tiny whisper….
…soon…
Bruised and battered
masterpieces all
Trying to blend
and to conceal
all the colors we really feel
For it is only us
the chosen few
whom live it
own it
we cherish
abhor it.
The allure in me
the allure in you
we are so lucky
don’t you think
to posses the wondrous beauty
the raw and poignant beauty
of such suffering.
So I’ve been with this guys for almost 2 years. He’s a great guy and we used to be inseparable, but it’s becoming clear that we’re not meant for each other and have nothing in common. However he knows about my depression and my previous suicide attempt so I think that’s the reason he hasn’t broken up with me. I plan to leave the world next week (have surefire method) so I’m debating whether or not I should breakup with him first. Thoughts?
Sure, she looks like a bollywood model, but that’s not what I mean. She really cares about people. She volunteers at soup kitchens and organizes charity drives. Bad news stories involving people she doesn’t even know makes her get teary eyed. She spent a week losing sleep, tossing and turning because she was worried that I might be upset about something completely insignificant. She truly has a heart of gold.
I don’t have rose tinted glasses on. She’s a boy crazy lush like the rest of the women I know, but she doesn’t let it define her like so many others. She calls me a good […]
Guilt.
Guilt is my prison cell.
6 concrete walls that confine me into an existence that I hate.
“Why guilt?” some of you may ask.
I feel guilty for the possibility that someone out there that I am not aware of would grieve upon my death.
People who are not there for me in life, yet would experience pain and self-blame if I completed my last task.
Knowing that I could possibly hurt more people than I know by finally ridding myself of the one thing that causes me the most pain –
That’s what confines me here to a joyless, meaningless life.
I need to be around people in real life. I […]
Sometimes when you are lonely or afraid you seek solace in the one place, person, or thing, that comforts you and calms you down. That sanctuary you enjoy is euphoric, you feel safe, secure, and free. But what happens when it starts to trap you? When it becomes a prison you can’t escape? What do you do when the one person you should be able to tell every fucked up emotion to doesn’t want to listen to the things that hurt you the most. What about when no matter what you do you still feel alone? Just keep trying right? Ignore it? Pretend you aren’t […]
I’ve fought my depression alone for eight years. It was a struggle I was losing most of the time. My depression is a black cloud that covers me and strangles and poisons everything in my life. My depression has defined everything about me as a person, a few of these things being my motivation, self-confidence and social life. I hate the person I see in the mirror with such intensity it scares me. I would numb myself from the world by seeking out any distractions I can find, be it books or video games (with diminishing results, I can’t pick up a book anymore and I […]
I don’t think I’ve ever done this before. I can say right now this is going to be a really long post because I’m pouring myself and my twisted emotions into this. I don’t expect anyone to read this fully. Or even at all. I’m not writing this expecting I’ll get help on here. I’m doing it for myself because maybe if I put my thoughts in words it will help me in getting through this confusion, even though I detest writing.
I am a 20 year old female. Right now I’m living in the city away from home. Right now I don’t have a job […]
why is that I am always that last kid to be picked for gym of for a group project the teacher has to put me into a group and everyone has to hate on me because they were happy with their friends before I showed up.. I am always such a burden to everyone. Even my mom says that I am a burden. So why am I still here if no one gives a damn about me? and being the last pick of the bunch or the “thing” that no one wants. I am the ugly duckling and no one really gives a damn. I […]
For those not familiar with the term, eugenics is a way to improve the human population by eliminating the weak and propagating the strong. Back then when Hitler was in power there were euthanasia centers where individuals with incurable disease as well as mental illness were given a mercy death. For various reasons I am not a supporter of Hitler, however imagine if these centers were to exist today. Many of us could check in to these places to request to be put to sleep. That would be wonderful. Better for us and for the world if we cease to exist.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eugenics
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Action_T4
Having seen enough of this world, there is one conclusion to be made. The world is a cruel place that puts priority on rank and superiority. Make no mistake, in today’s culture you will find solace in books, movies and religion. However, they only serve to momentarily ease your suffering to give you false hope based on fiction. Invariably, they deceive you and disappoint you to deny you the reality of life. You may have a family and loved ones who genuinely love you, but what is the use of that love if you live a life as a failure and constantly depend on their kindness?
From when you are born, you are in competition with those around you, to […]