The railing looked so easy to smash my car is heaver then it can hold. These were the thoughts traveling through my head today as I skipped college classes to “run away fro my feelings” . This morning I found out my ex boyfriend already has a new boyfriend. he is thin pretty and motivated. I am none of these. I loved him for the two years we had so deeply only to be tossed asside when out of comfort with him i gained weight and just relaxed. He wanted to break up so badly but he wouldnt be “the bad guy” he would sit […]
Tag:
the world
I want to reply with the chorus from Metallica’s song Trapped Under Ice, but that’s just opening pandora’s box and I really don’t want to guide anyone down my rabbit hole of misery.
Freezing
Can’t move at all
Screaming
Can’t hear my call
I am dying to live
Cry out
I’m trapped under the ice
I feel like that every weekend, when I’m laying in bed, blanket pulled up over my head. I have every thought in the world for productive things I could do, but I never move. I spent the majority of this past weekend laying in bed sulking […]
I guess you can say I know what I want now. Lately I have been trying to be the social guy that gets invited alot and talks to alot of people. I wanted to make myself think that that was the way I can change for “better.” But in reality thats not me. I am the guy that is really quiet in class and when I go home, I go straight to my only friend. My computer. Thats all I want now. All I want is to be the quiet guy that no one talks to, the one who goes home and find his only […]
I find myself spending virtually all my time thinking, contemplating how meaningless everything is, and what the world will be like after I am gone (and it seems much better without than with me.)
I finished the message that I will send to a person
I’ve only spoken to her once, I found her through an article
She wrote about living off-grid in Nebraska
The ground shakes, I will send it today and hope, for the spirit
I will send her my short-summary that took me three-days to write
I asked her for her oracle for the order
Liz, don’t take my words personally if even anything, I was just busting
To the tune that I will hope to one-day sing to, from vast-eon-ago
Every-time, every-time, celestial, when I take a hit, the Earth trembles harder
If I make-it, […]
A disclaimer to the world.
I really don’t belong. There’s no conceivable place on this planet where I belong.
The public is my enemy. If you put someone in front of me, I’ll do everything in my power to disregard them, including not-disregarding them. My mask is so genuine that it even deceives myself half the time, such is the cost of being able to blend into society, and avoid being a homeless bum the rest of my pitiful existence (of which will continue to be a pitiful existence, bum or not, however bums are publicly pitiful, which is why I’m willing to throw myself away most […]
I have to tell someone before I go – see, the world has been draining of color for a while now, all the blood seeping out like snow melting on the ground…and today I saw something. It whispered in my ear to go. There was a person smiling in the orange rock by the window, and then he was gone. He had jumped to the top of the pine tree overlooking the hotel, he was waving, waving madly, his face so faint that the wind could erase it.
This reality is a lie, it’s a sham, – I have to go to the Kalahari desert before the […]
Espero que não exista uma regra por não escrever em inglês. Eu consigo até ler inglês, mas não consigo escrever.
Sumir, desaparecer ou morrer, estes são os meus desejos no momento. Sabe, eu estou cansada de tentar e sempre dar errado.. de não conseguir pedir ajuda e quando pedir.. a pessoa vem com 7 pedras na mão.
É muito fácil julgar alguém porque está sofrendo com seus problemas por mais “simples” que ele seja, pode até ser simples pra você, mas para a pessoa que está sentindo é a pior coisa do mundo.. é tão difícil entender isso?
Sinceramente eu não sei mais o que fazer e cada dia que […]
The tears can’t stop coming out. I can’t stop hyperventilating.
She’s gone. I’m never going to see her again. And yet, she’s alive and well.
There is no worse feeling. I thought what I’d felt last winter was harsh. But that was nothing.
I’ve lost. I’ve lost so much. Someone help me. Someone please fucking help me.
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
Today I bought razor blades and then went home and listened to King Gordy time to die. It brought me comfort reminding me of when I would take a knife to my basement and listen to the same song. I feared I had changed a lot since I began consuming and shipping drugs but this helps remind me of my old innocent self. But even then I was suicidal, I recently read from an old journal I had about how much I hated my father getting drunk and my mother yelling, which is funny because I don’t recall my father getting drunk upsetting me that […]
I’m a 15 year old Sophomore in highschool.
I don’t believe in God, so I don’t believe in heaven or hell. I think the only reason people “love” God is because they don’t want to risk going to hell IF God is real. Humans act on self interest, right?
Back to suicide, I plan on commiting suicide after I graduate high school. I’m not depressed at all, and there is no underlying depression, but I just think life is pointless. You work hard in highschool so you can go to college and work hard so you can get a job, and then you work hard for the […]
I think life is really beautiful, but I’m really depressed. There is so much crap going on in the world right now, and yet, there is an equal number of good things. Watching the news makes me think about why life is even important. But beautiful moments like a person saving another person by sacrificing his or her life, or a new wonderful scientific discovery, makes me think that maybe, humanity is not completely lost. Maybe there is hope.
For the longest time, I have felt like someone who just “doesn’t matter” to hardly anyone. I am generally someone who is forgotten about and it seems like I’m simply not worth most people’s time or friendship. I will admit to not being very outgoing and am certainly socially awkward much of the time – hell, you could even make a case for describing me as “creepy,” I suppose – and I used to feel that these things had a lot to do with it. Quite honestly, though, I do wonder if there is something about me that is actually not related to those characteristics […]
Today’s on fire, the sky is bleeding above me, and I am blistered.
I walk these lines of blasphemy, every day…
And still, like a bad star, I’m falling faster down to him,
He’s the only one who knows, what it is to burn
I feel diseased, ¿Is there no sympathy from the sun?
The sky’s still fire, but I am safe in here, from the world outside.
So tell me, ¿What’s the price to pay for glory?
The current situation is a sick love story. The girl who I think is the one, thinks the same of me… Yet; she cheats on me and gives as reason that she is insecure due to that I got a message on my phone in the early stage of our relationship. She is also jealous the moment someone looks at me in a club; me noticing that someone is looking at me is enough to shatter her self-esteem.
Then after several months of dating she tells me she need to meet her ex to be sure of her feelings and that this relationship is truly the […]
Fear is my problem. I’ve always thought that I have the mind to be dominant in any venture I choose, if not for my withdrawn nature. ‘Shy’ has been my label for as long as I can remember, but now it’s apparent to me that fear is what holds me back. I’m completely crippled by fear, unable to make life progress that involves going outside my comfort zone. I should note that the psychological blocks in my mind are really the only thing the matter with me; I live a pretty charmed life. Everything I want is within my grasp, I just need to find […]
My life has never been a happy one. At least, not for me. I have no idea why I had to be such a miserable person. Why I had to be perpetually afraid, miserable, feel completely alone, and live in utter anguish. I don’t feel I did anything to deserve it. In fact, for the first time in my life, I feel like I am owed something, that I deserve more, that I am better than what’s happened to me. But, it doesn’t make a difference how I feel, or what I do to demand the world give me a fair shake, because in the […]
Four years and I have felt nothing but anger and hate for the world and the people around me; until tonight. Tonight the passion died and with it my will to fight any longer.
okay so I’m new around here so I’m going to introduce myself, I’m 14 and suicidal. I weigh 110lbs and I’m 5’3. I started self harming about 6 months ago but it started off very rarely however now I cut everyday, sometimes even twice or thrice a day. I think it’s safe to say that I hate myself and everyone around me does too.
I have friends but I feel like they just kind of tolerate me but don’t actually like me. My parents are both highly educated and my brother is super smart – he recently did his GCSEs and got 10 A*. My parents […]