whenever i  get into really deep thoughts i always end up laughing. laughing at the absurdity of it all, laughing at the absurdity of my efforts, laughing at the absurdity of my suffering. i suffer because i am human, because i have to survive. had this survival thing not there i would laugh my way in and out of this world. all my reasoning regarding my suffering ends (i.e. starts) with this survival thing. my whole evolution is based on this thing. all my hate, all my animal instincts are based on this single thing. i think if we could somehow get over this one […]
Tag:
the world
I Should Have Thought Of a Sophisticated Title (or “Proof I Suck At Titles” or “I Have a Tendency To Make Titles Long”)
by monsterly
written by monsterly
Imagine a map, it’s a map of the world, a giant map, placed on the wall.
There are lights on the map, some of them blue, some of them white,
some of them glistening more, some of them flickering faintly.
Each light represents a soul.
Your light is on the map and I don’t know if it’s blue, white,
if it’s shining or if it’s hiding, if it’s bruised or healing.
(If it’s healing, it’s purple.)
Then something horrible happens; a villain steals the lights.
Not the souls,
just the lights.
Blue, white,
purple.
No indication of them on the map.
The map’s plain now. That’s not nice, is it?
A plain map. A plain map that didn’t use […]
Why can’t anyone hear me?
Why can’t anyone hear the screams?
Why can’t anyone hear my screams?
You were able to hear them.
You listened.
You shielded me from the pain
You saved me from the cold
You dawned on my world like the sun
But then you set
All suns set.
The stars aren’t bright enough in this black world
The screams are loud
Can you hear them?
They’re breaking a glass wall
A glass cage
The cage can’t hold the demon any longer.
The world will burn in the night
Or
I can plummet into the sea
Before I allow the world to burn.
Perhaps the cold water
Will stop the screams.
Title
The blade comes down,
Tears staining your face.
The voices and taunts,
Leaving a bloody trace.
They think they’re better,
And tell you you aren’t.
Stings like hell,
You’re ready to give in altogether.
Unwanted and alone
You curl in a ball.
You wish to sleep,
Once and for all.
You think no one cares,
You put your life on the line.
You’re ready to commit,
And prepare for your time.
I reach out,
Wrapping my arms around you tightly.
I whisper in your ear,
And I tell you matter without a  doubt.
I care for you,
And don’t want you to hurt.
I’ll always try to be there,
And go through your hell with you.
I speak the truth,
I will never lie.
I will always think you’re beautiful,
No matter […]
Came across this forum while researching things related to suicide and the reasoning behind it. I’ve had a good life, and I’m still young with lots of potential but things seem to just keep piling on, the puzzle pieces never quite fitting together. Last night I had it in my mind that it was the night I was going to see what was on the other side because whether it’s better or worse it should at least be different. The one sad thought I have is that I always wanted my death to count for something, to either give my life for someone else or […]
I know that it feels like a good way out of the bullshit that life throws at you. but its the cowards way out. suicide has never helped anyone. and i know you dont want the world to see you but you are a beautiful person and you cant see it. you just cant see that there is a place beyond the bullshit. there is a place just on the brink of perfection and you will get there one day. the world is going to change whether its for better or for worse there will always be that happy place but killing yourself will only […]
From such a young age I have experienced so much pain. Age of 8 the most dear person in the world passed away, my granddad, the only person in the world who loved me more than my parents. Age 10 turned to smoking as a pain reliever and have been addicted ever since. Age 11 got moved half way around the world to a place I had no knowledge of, came back to UK a year later for holiday only to find out my dad has another wife and a child with her who was 4 years of age at the time, having committed bigamy. […]
Off to the Wacky Shack in an hour, good bye to all you beauts and thank you!
by Shootyhoops
written by Shootyhoops
Pretty soon i’m gonna get sent from my doc’s office to a “long term intensive care unit”. Looked it up and it seems like the loony bin which I guess is where I belong. Guess I should explain why I am in this predicament. Two weeks ago I got home from a party where some things had gone badly, read the posts here of course looking for comfort that never comes, as we all do. After reading it was about 4 in the morning so I just figured now is as good a time as any and I slit my wrists (heavily fucked up on […]
indefinitely as i drift among the currents, indefinitely will i vie for optimal position in the flow.
But… lately i’ve been feeling that feeling, much more deeply; less indefinitely…
And maybe it’s just time… or almost time… and i’m not really sure what good waiting will ever do, if it’s all i can do, and only without any chance to make any of the changes overdue.
So many things, circumstances, scenarios, all converging and intersecting at once… that i can’t really even… communicate, i guess.
Too many things went wrong, long ago, and started a bunch of chain reactions, which have all been feeding into and compounding each other, […]
I’m sitting here listening to my mother and grandparents babble about all the bad news going on in the world.
I already woke up with an anxiety attack which is now turning into anger, and I have to have a clear mind so I drive to the store later and then to the crazy doctor. Really I just want to throw my cup of coffee against the room and punch a few holes in the wall and tell everyone in the kitchen to shut the hell up.
Just fuck man. Am I crazy?
There were hands everywhere, so many hands grabbing at me, greedy hands, get off of me, greedy hands, lights flashing, clicking, blurry vision, light, dark, chatter, noise, I’m so confused, I’m so cold, I’m so sad…..
I have drifted into something, somewhere I don’t understand, something I never meant for….
I’ve been born?
Oh God, no.
Oh no, God.
I’ve been born.
It’s the worst day of my life.
This is the first day of my time in hell.
Worst day, first day…for without a first day, there could be no second day, no third day, no 11,322th day…..
Oh what have I done to be cursed like this! Wretched little body. Wretched little room.  Wretched little world.
“In that place there will […]
yes the world may be depressing and cruel.
yes people suck and will let you down, disappoint you, anger you, sadden you, and hurt you.
yes your own brain can become addicted to harmful substances and becomes astonishingly susceptible to psychological diseases that shorten your lifespan and ruin your body.
yes…….other stuff!
but thank God for the internet. where i can buy, look up, read, research, watch and communicate with just about anything at the click of a button.
thank you God for giving me the chance to live in the 21st century. also thank you for booze (thats been around for BILLIONS of years).
far out.
the world is an incredible place.
how funny that we can value something like life so much when its so temporary.
i value my life with everything.
i value the history and the future, and the morning and the night, the water and the sun and snow, and the food and the sounds; i value everything that will inevitably end. if your in a relationship and you find out that it will come to a tragic end, you’d get the fuck out, save yourself the heartache right? but thats everything. every person you love you’ll loose; there all just temporary components of the illusion that is your […]
So if you haven’t read my bio I’m 14 years old. To the surprise of many, I work. Today, I was feeling pretty down, but my job requires me to look perky, like there’s nothing wrong with me and the world (as if). Â Subsequently, I kept a smile plastered on my face, even though the whole time I just felt like crawling into a hole so I could lay there and die. An englishman came into my line, and of course he had one of those awesome accents. I asked him if he were from the UK. He was pretty old, and it looked like […]
I suffer in silence but so desperately want to be heard.
Don’t ask me whats wrong because I wont be able to tell you- just know whats wrong with me and tell me it will be okay.
Tell me things will get better.
Things wont get better right? I mean whats the difference between this school and another. Whats the difference between this town and any other?
Whats the difference between the you you hate now and the you, you’ll hate tomorrow.
As much as I’d like to think things will get better when I get out of this country I cant help but realize that the problem is me.
me: […]
To tell you all that everything is gonna be alright.
Ive been so far down. Came to this site once. Got a little back up again after talking to likeminded people. Fell right back down. Ive cut, I loaded my ex-boyfriends gun and held it to my head. Ive cried for days. Stopped eating for days. I have scars up my arm.
But today I’m free. And you will be to if you just hold on. I know that each and everyone of you in here are here because you have something holding you in this life. It is some reason you have deep inside that is […]
Our lies and Broken promises crossed paths
Tears and screams escaped our eyes
My love was something of nothing
a general mix of  a dream and  a reality
I let the blood drip, and My mouth water
but I did not cry aloud, for I did not need to be heard.
Thoughts, and thoughts, they fell ..but none of them, she caught
Fear surges throughout the air, the paranoia attaching to my past
She’s gone. i’m alone and the rope is tightening around my neck
Black and blue, unconscious and fine
I’ll remember, the times how you were all mine.
beautiful and sweet; wicked and cruel
It […]
It’s been a while since I came on here before yesterday, and my taste has changed and I can feel the zopiclone entering my brain right this moment so odds are I won’t be able to spell check. I was just looking for him. We never spoke much but I saw him around helping people and saying profound things and I really respected him and admired his impac
t. Is he still going? Is he alive? Umm.. wow, this stuff is more powerful than I remember. Shame I don’t get hallucinations. Anyway has anyone seen him? I miss him.
Dawg, if you’re reading this. We […]
i am a blur of emotions. panic, dread, nervous, angry, and some fuck the world and everyone in it added for good measure. i have come to a fork in the road of sorts. i have come to a point where i have been on just about every med out there. currently taking 6 total. and since i am still topside i guess they are working to a degree. thinking about hypnosis . there seems to be something deep in my memory that is trickling out at a rather slow pace. whatever it is or is not i am scared. i remember being sexually aware […]
Yup, new poem.
Bit of a change of pace for me. Don’t know if I love it but maybe it’s something I can build on. Less depression-centric but hopefully people here might still relate.
Don’t You Remember
Don’t you remember when the furthest edge of the earth was the corner of your street?
When we hated the street lights because they signified that it was time to go inside?
When Sundays seemed to last a life-time and we despised the rain because it meant we couldn’t go outside to play?
How something as simple as a cardboard box could entertain for hours?
It wasn’t just utilitarian, it was […]