I literally have suicidal thoughts in my head all of the time. I can’t even cope anymore, I have no one now me and my boyfriend broke up:(  I thought he was going to help me get through everything but clearly not. It all started at the beginning of 2012, we started talking and I was so happy but then I  started to get  bullied. I then developed an eating disorder, anxiety disorder and depression. I started to cut myself and ended up having cuts all up my wrists and thighs. I would go home and cry for hours. During this time,  Josh, my boyfriend, […]
I thought I was on my way to overcoming the sadness but it seems I was wrong. I feel so so so so alone and also unbelievably numb but somehow really sad all at the same time and I can’t really explain how bad I feel right now, just that it’s been a while since I was this low and that yesterday I cut over the almost completely healed scars on my thighs. I don’t even really know why I did it, I think I just like seeing the evidence, seeing that my inner pain can be converted and can mark me on the outside […]
i am an adult, now. at least according to the law – i’ve been an adult for quite some time. i’m 23 years old, on my fourth year of university and nowhere near graduation. i’m majoring in something i don’t love because i don’t love anything. i live away from my family – which is and has been broken for eight years, my mother so depressed she can barely hold a conversation that isn’t self-deprecating and shame-laden, my dad so lonely that it’s physically painful to speak to him, my younger brother so, so angry – and my two friends, who are the only meaningful […]
I have been dealing with depression for 8 painful years, and have had a self mutilation additction for seven of those eight. I have my ups and downs, but lately I feel like my depression has taken a turn for the worst. I have always felt it mentally and emotionally, but the physical symptoms of depression were always minor. That is… until recently. I couldn’t tell you what triggered my depression this time around. I haven’t the slightest clue. Maybe I’m lonely. Maybe I’m scared. Maybe I feel lost because my youth is very quickly leaving me.
I can’t eat. Every time I even look at food I’m […]
I don’t want to die, but I don’t want to live either.
Maybe that’s not entirely true, sometimes I’d really like to die. Like the time I took twenty pills and stared up at the ceiling waiting for it all to be over. But something always pulls me back. Ten minutes into it, my little brother came in to comfort me. I had been upset after my mom had another one of her episodes and lashed out at me. He told me that she didn’t mean it and that he would be there for me. It was in that moment that I didn’t want to die […]
How does it feel? Your brother sees the cuts on your wrist. The scars on your thighs. He tells your sisters and parents. Now everyone knows. Months later… Your brother tells you to stop being so mad ” This is getting old. Nobody gives a shit. Deal with it. Emo” Then your sisters… ” Stop being so mean to people. They did nothing to you.” NOTHING? HUH. Thats why i have bruises from Dad. Thats why mom use to yell at me for trying to make new friends. HOW DOES IT FEEL? They are the reason i’m this way… Then there is people at school. […]
Too Broken
Too broken to be in this world again
A doll smashed into a million pieces of porcelain
They knew me before
They see glimpses today
They think I’m back
But I’m too broken
I’ve become one with death
Held his hand
Dreamt of his embrace
Blazing out all the pain
He let me close my eyes
To it forevermore
He let me Know it’s okay
I’m too broken now
I’ve felt death’s kiss
Tasted eternity on his lips
How can I come back now
To this world
When my broken heart wants rest?
Light shines in my window today
I can see it for the first time in weeks
Scabs curve over my open wounds
They threaten to heal my flesh
Music and voices and faces I […]
When I Was 10 I Was Brutally Raped By A Old Male In His mid 30s It Stopped Me From Having A Boyfriend Iv Tried Suicide Last Night To End My Pain Quickly But All It Did Was Give Me A Bruised Neck And Fresh New Cuts On My Thighs
Please Help Me :'( Im Sick And Tired Of The Thoughts I Have Everyday <\3 And Most Of All Im Scared ..
He called my name
I walked away
Now im wishing i would have stayed
We walk around
Both looking at the ground
Scared to catch the other staring
But we both move on with out a sound
Remember the first night we kissed
I hope im not the only one who misses it..
I’m stupid for still loving you
My hopes are childish like i am
1 year younger, worlds apart
Here i sit with a broken heart
You said you wanted to ask me somthing..
Now im wondering what
But i lost my chance to hear it
By my own stubborness
Forgive me
For loving you
More then you could ever love […]
Recently, I’ve befriended this guy during my math class. I’ve always known of him since all of my friends are his friends, and he always appeared to be this average, hilarious, nice, druggy guy, which he is, but at the same time he is so much more. I like his presence more than he likes his own.
One day, he looked over to me and just goes “you are depressed or have been” and I was shocked. Then he was like “you used to cut” just sort of guessing facts at me. And I asked him how he knew and he told me that he just […]
I have thought about this for so long now. Why should I complain about wanting to die? I have a pretty good home life, an amazing boyfriend, supportive friends, even a good life going for me.
But there’s this tiny side of me that scares me.
I have my parents bitting at each others throats, jerks who wantto talk trash about my boyfriend, friends who abuse my feelings, and all these bad traits I see in myself.
Who said life is perfect? Why do I have the right to want to die?
I do though.
I really Do.
I have lied to so many […]
I saw the sadness in your eyes,
How they’d always seem to stray.
I saw the cuts upon your thighs,
How they didn’t go away.
I saw all the long-sleeved shirts,
How you’d blame it on the cat.
I was through your “skinny” wall,
How you’d always call yourself fat.
I saw how boys had treated you,
How they never seemed to stay.
I saw how you cried in your car,
How you never returned that day.
I hope you saw how I needed you,
How I can’t fight the demons alone.
I hope you know how a friendship takes two,
How I can’t do this on my own.
I hate him.
I hate his stupid smile.
I hate his fucking dimples.
I hate his muscly arms, his toned torso and his thighs and calves,
I hate the way my tummy flips when i think about his voice,
I hate his fucking voice, how soothing it is, how it makes me want to dance every time i hear it
I hate how much he makes me laugh and smile, how he understood my humour when no one else did
I hate how comfortable yet on edge i felt around him, like flying in the air but being spun around at the same time
I […]
I’ve read many posts on this site, and the many responses that went with them. I realized that it was the same thing over and over again, someone is hurting and they reach out to anyone who might listen. Then those compassionate few who happens to stumble on the post responds. It’s like an endless cycle, you know? To all those people who are suffering, I just want to say I’m sorry that I can’t help you much. I honestly don’t know what to say to you, “Just stay in the game, it’ll work out…don’t give up”? It’s  not the most convincing advise. So, I just want […]
I’m so tired. . . Tired of crying, fighting, trying to find some will to live inside this black hole of mine. I simply cannot take anymore. I’m trapped inside a world of hate and I am their object of disgust. The only future left is just day after day of pain to be added to my past.
I have attempted nine times unsuccessfully. 5 od’s. Hanging. 2slit wrist attempts. And downing mr.clean. I have scars covering my arms, shoulder to wrists and my thighs and calves. *sigh* but even cutting, the only friend Ive had, has left me now. But this helium thing and carbon […]
Every time I get on the scale, I cry. I am losing weight but not enough. It’s taking all of my strength not to kill or at least cut myself right now. I want to be a fucking model, and I have thighs that touch. Disgusting… sometimes I feel there’s no hope for me.
Please, if I may reach out to anyone that can help me. I have been cutting on my thighs, and scars remain there. My family has decided that we should go to the beach for the last bit of summer. I have a pool, but all I do to hide my scars is wear shorts. They think I’m weird for doing this, but do not question it.
I’m not sure if I can get away with shorts on the beach. I am not old enough to refuse the beach, nor go to a store to buy scar creme. If you are experienced with these matters, please […]
It’s laying late in bed. There’s a thousand & one reasons to hate yourself. I’ve given up on myself 6 times. The most severe time that I do remember was on February 2, 2012.
I stayed home from school (my senior year). I don’t like going to school when I feel really depressed. I usually just told my mom that I was sick. MY mind played tricks on me & my nerves made me sick. There was a full bottle of NyQuil & full bottle of Extra Strength Tylenol. I took both. I chugged & swallowed. Things shouldn’t have gotten this bad. I called my friend […]
So, I’ve been thinking about running away..I know it’s wrong to run away from your problems. Tho I don’t really care anymore, ya I’ll probably miss my family a bit.. And I know it’s wrong to leave them so I’ll probably never actually do it.. Tho I wish .. Im a coward..
Ugh life is hard… I want a flat stomach and skinny thighs which hasn’t happened yet..
:/ I want to die but I don’t. I just want to be happy and have no care in the world. Tho that seems impossible…
-RawrImaTurtle….
Living is suffering for me. I know some would say that I should feel like I have a great life. But they are only saying that because of my material objects.
They don’t know that I stay up late at night, crying because I have to hide so much of myself. My family is Christians, and they make fun of gays. It’s so hard due to the fact that I am a bisexual atheist. And it’s not like I have the courage to just tell them.
I don’t know exactly how long I’ve been depressed, but I noticed some notes of mine dating back to […]