things aren’t too bad. at least I think. im not sure about a lot of things anymore. its hard to believe or trust anyone anymore. a lot of people have left me and it hurts to watch everyone I love leave me and blame everything on me. I say sorry way too much and it annoys people but I cant help it. I always feel like everything is my fault and like I’ve done something wrong. I haven’t cut in I dont know how long but I still think of it every day. suicide is always on my mind and I cant stop it. I […]
There is no more reason to continue. I see no more hope.
My friends are gone.
I’m about to loose my brother.
People are out to humiliate me.
Today I lost my job, because I got angry about the abuse of equipment (they haven’t got that big a budget).
I don’t know how to continue anymore. People simply don’t care about me anymore. There’s only so much caring I can do until I need some care back, from wherever it comes. It hasn’t come for a while now.
My heart feels like it’s shredded, burned and trampled on. My life just keeps getting more and […]
I just wanted to know some things that keep everyone going or make you feel better when you’re down and things of that nature?
Mine is my two horses who I love very much and my 7 year old nephew. When I’m down I also think of once when my nephew was asking me and my sister (his mom) if he would die one day and so we told him yes, but he had a very long time before he would ever have to worry about that and then he asked me if I would die one and I told him yes and he started crying […]
Staring at these same walls day after day.
Having to eat every day. I hate being hungry. Why can’t I eat once every six months or so?
Getting hair cuts.
Being told it will get better.
Living in the U.S. with all these hateful, ignorant, uber-competitive, loud mouths.
Basically being human or even existing.
I really don’t think I was meant to be human. I hate them so. Yet I must rely upon them.
Please. I just want the sadness and misery to end.
Funny how it happens. Things happen, new sights, new people, new interactions glimpsed, and something changes and find something new in your own insights or how you viewed something. I want to believe that’s hopeful. Well…Thanks
I can keep pretending we’re one.
I never wanted to live, not even when I was a child. I still remember when I was 9 years old and cut myself for the first time. I squat there in the sand behind my classroom and sawed at my arm with the metal insert of a wooden ruler until I saw blood. I hated myself so much and the only thing that seemed to take the pressure away was putting myself in pain. When I was 13 I tried a knife for the first time but it was the razor blades I discovered at 20 that changed things for me. In college I […]
Things get better, they dont and they will never get better. Looking on the bright side of things only works for a little while. My life has been hell ever since I was 10, when I first started to get depression because of my shy nature and as a result got bullied. Now I tried to tell my parents but they didnt care. Finally found a sollution a few years ago when I first attepted suicide by hanging myself. It didnt work and ended up in a hospital because of it. Now I tried to live it out but no things got worse so now […]
Things have changed since I last posted. I had my first fender-bender, my boyfriend broke up with me same day, my cat almost dies, and I had to move back in with my parents. So where to begin? It was a normal day and I had to run some errands so I told him I loved him and went on my way. I proceeded to barely hit a parked car. The only damage was my broken headlight. I called him crying and freaking out. I got home where he proceeded to break up with me. Not to mention this was the day before Thanksgiving, I […]
UPDATE: I started typing this last night when I was on the verge of killing myself. Obviously I didn’t….. But I decided to share anyways.
Here I am telling my story to strangers, that will never really know me. I could have told someone else, but she wouldn’t listen. I could have told her family, but it would have hurt them too much. It destroys me to know the amount of pain they will endure, but at what point do I get to stop suffering? I can’t carry on living in misery, just to spare everyone some pain. Life is a giant shit sandwich, and right now I’m just […]
I have done terrible things
Things to make you shiver in the dark
Things that make even my own skin crawl
I want them back, to take them away
I hurt others, so badly I cry
It wasn’t me! I scream
It was them! I can’t help it!
Please, you have to believe me
The things that lie in wait
To rip me apart
To make me rend and tear
As they watch
It’s the demons that lurk beneath the skin
The ones only freed by razors
Death is to begin again
They beg me to stay
I beg them to let me leave
I don’t want to hurt you anymore
I don’t want to make you bleed
No you must stay
You must endure
My friends father had a traffic accident and this made me thinking again what I always think about life.
That it is so random. Most important things in your life are decided by basically universe throwing a dice for you. Where you have born, to what kind of parents you have born, whether you were born with a serious defect/disease, whether you get a terrible disease later in life, your gender… list goes on.
One of the people I know, who had a good life and pretty successful, was sitting in her car waiting her husband, a tree near the road falls off on the car. Almost […]
There’s that occasional night where you just break down and cry because you know that no matter what, Things will never be the same again.
I’m depressed. Wouldn’t be here writing this if I wasn’t. I come looking for answers knowing that there really are none. I don’t even know where to start. Things have gotten so messed up. Situations change but in reality we are stuck. We can try to change who we are inside, we can try and mask our pain but in the end it is still there. Honestly I’m just typing this as I go with no plan in mind. I don’t even know what to say anymore. Being different sucks. People don’t seem to understand me and because I’m different people want to protect me. […]
Anyone heard from the user distant road in the last while? Things were going better for him last we spoke. But my last email from him is from Feb 13. I know of two others who have lost contact with him too. His email no longer seems to be working either. If anyone has heard from him or knows what happened I would appreciate the closure. Thanks.
While being depressed, I was working on this prosthetic for a 6 year old kid. It turned out that i won the competition! I was on lots of news coverage. Here’s one of them:
Thanks for the support guys.
Good morning – I have been lurking for a couple of months and decided to come out into daylight today (blink blink). Things are not going great for me right now and I thought talking about it might help me figure out what I’m doing.
I am a 46 year old professional female (too old to be feeling this way?) and have been pretty lucky in my life, work-wise. The rest of my life is and has always been kind of a disaster. I have been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and refractory depression. Fits. Growing up, I was sexually abused from the time I was […]
Within each dark night
Things come alive
Sitting there just out of sight
With a killers drive
Light footsteps following behind
Wherever you may go
That one persons presence
Is always in your mind
That strange someone
You don’t even know
Then your belief in safety misleads you
You’ve wandered out alone
Your trust in mankind betrays you
Now you’ll never make it home
Within his grasps now
He’ll never let you go
No one will ever know how
Your body came to be
Hidden among the bushes
So no one will ever find
A body left for the thrushes
A killers peace of mind
I’m trying to organize things before I committ suicide. (I was thinking of saying, “do it” or “take the big sleep” or something, but there’s no point in talking around it- my plan is to commit suicide, plain and simple). This will probably be part 1, since I’m sure I’ll think of other things to do.
1. Most important and I know the hardest. Write my son a letter and tell him how very very proud I am of him. Honestly, I’m crying now just thinking about it. He’s 18 now, a man, and a fine one- so at least that’s one thing I did […]
What language does one choose when all is lost? When the thought of ending ones life is the only safety net left. I’ve been here before. Wandering the shores of hopelessness. Whirling in the abyss. Aching for an end. Devoid of hope. Lost. Broken. Forgotten. Burning. Empty. Numb.
I see all these people who seem to have it together. They somehow understand life. They somehow understand their purpose. I never figured any of that out & I feel myself being left further & further behind. […]
Last year i decided to have a suicide date but i couldn’t really decide then i made a list, a list of thing i have and haven;t done and i have a lot of things i haven’t done and that list became like a bucket list for me, the title “Things before my suicide date”. The date i never really had a date all i knew is that i would wait till i’m 18 and that maybe by then things will be great, so i’m really hopping that things get great by then but if it doesn’t i already know what to do, it’s like […]