things aren’t too bad. at least I think. im not sure about a lot of things anymore. its hard to believe or trust anyone anymore. a lot of people have left me and it hurts to watch everyone I love leave me and blame everything on me. I say sorry way too much and it annoys people but I cant help it. I always feel like everything is my fault and like I’ve done something wrong. I haven’t cut in I dont know how long but I still think of it every day. suicide is always on my mind and I cant stop it. I hate myself so much for the things I’ve done and for what people have put me through. I broke a window and told everyone I didnt know it would break but I wanted it to, it cut my wrist open and it made me feel good again to see the blood spill from my arm. it did the one thing I dont want to do anymore, for me. im afraid if I sink any further into this void I’ve been living I may take my life. I dont want to die. things just get to heavy for me to hold. I dont want to die. I just want my pain to end. even if it means ending my life.