I feel like I am always searching for a place to fit in. Just to blend in with all the other people that fit in. But all I manage to do is watch them; Envy them; Pretend that I am like them.
I feels like I am just watching life from behind a glass. I can see what’s going on but I can’t join..I can’t touch them, I am never going to be one of them. There is always Something separating me from them. I don’t exactly know how to describe it. It is invisible and yet when I reach out I can touch it, […]
think
Why wont it go away. Im so lost right now.. im unhappy inside.. how do u cope with such a feeling? When all u wanna do is lay on the bed n think..
I’ve vaguely researched the effects of depression on the body. Most of it is things I know just from being depressed for so long. Like when you’re depressed, you have body aches, fatigue and so forth. I’m wondering if that could be the cause of my migraines. It’s more than that though. I feel like my body is shutting down. I wonder just how much the mind communicates with the body. Obviously there’s a link, but I think it’s a lot more than what I’ve read or learned over the years. I don’t think they understand the full impact depression and anxiety have on the […]
@sked a few cops about what (my friend) should do and they said go to a hospital.
I dont think thats a good idea.. ill prolly end up in a straight jacket in a rubber room…
Thoughts?
Everyone falls asleep at night around me and I’m left alone in the dark with my thoughts and the sound of the traffic outside. Sometimes I wonder what the lives of the people in the cars outside are like. Not sleeping gives you so much time to think.
I’ve accepted that I’m too pessimistic or depressing for anyone to like or take seriously. I would have lost many friends if I were honest about how I feel. I remember being judged in therapy sessions for telling the truth, like how I was bored during a conversation.
Still, I don’t know what to do. I don’t really like humanity, nor do I really like existence at all. I try my best to ignore reality and daydream, or think of ideal, romanticised situations that have never happened in my life.
OK I GIVE. Everyone jumped on me about my dog, so I will stay alive until she dies. Should only be a few more years. I can’t stand the thought of someone else having her.
I’m beginning to think that sleep doesn’t exist… I don’t even know what it is anymore :\ someone…anyone…? Please just turn my mind off for me…..sighhhhh
I used to have suicidal thoughts as a younger teen. My mother had a rough childhood in China and would accidentally try to force me into her ideal life. But my mom also would call me a lazy ***** or fat pig (i used to be quite the chubster). I just want to say that it would have been helpful to know someone loved me out there. I felt deprived of the affection i deserved. I understand if you don’t give a bit but i just want all of you to know I LOVE YOU more then you could ever imagine. All of you no […]
to try to open up to her? Like seriously, I asked her about it, but she had no interest at all to talk about it. “I don’t want to talk it.” I hate you, whoever told me to do this 🙁 She was nice about it though. She wasn’t upset or rude or anything, I guess she just thinks I’m not the person to talk to about stuff like that.
Btw, I asked our running instructor for her email, and she emailed me her skype account and we chatted a few times over the last few weeks. I have no idea how she thinks about me, […]
Seriously. I’ve tried and failed to take my own life, and my family will hurt less if I get “murdered”.
I’m in California. You’d think finding a way to “accidentally” die here would be easier…
Good day everyone,
Terribly sorry for seeming helpless and sharing too much of my personal issues here, but when one is desperate for help they take any opportunity.
I’ve been researching on ways to avert suicide and I came upon this site. I have been battling against suicidal thoughts since I was 11 after a classmate demonstrated, in front of our very eyes, how to slash wrists. (Mind you, she just wanted to show how brave and utterly reckless she was for doing something that makes her feel above others who couldn’t, at the time, even consider harming themselves.) – I followed her footsteps when […]
Basically, this is how it goes. My life has been pretty traumatic thus far. (Loosing my grandparents at age 10, my first girlfriend commiting suicide at 18, seeing so much violence) that kind of stuff.
Since then, I’ve felt myself growing slowly and slowly more numb, feeling less and less everyday. I don’t think love exists anymore, I’ve lost my faith and I just survive day to day basically.
To top this all off, I haven’t had much happiness to counter this. My family is sub par at best, never offering support. (By the way, I survived after my girlfriend killing herself without any professional help or […]
Well, I just bought two 8.9 cu3 party time tanks, tubing and some old O2 lines. I intend to put it all together tonight and give it a try. I believe that I can make it work. I have no one to say good bye too. If anyone out there wouldn’t mind I sure would like to say goodbye to someone. God I am so depressed about this. Itht really is harder then you would think. Going that last bit seems much harder then I anticipated. I am going to do it though, even if I have to cry myself through it. Well, thanks for letting me wine a […]
Yep. Maybe it’s because I have so many things wrong with me. I’m not hiding behind them, I like to think not, anyway. I’m true to my feelings, and am kind of brutal sometimes. Usually, I say what’s on other people’s minds. I feel bad. I can’t figure myself out. I’m mean to those who intimidate me, and sometimes, I’m just mean for no reason – usually when I’m manic – which is no excuse. I don’t forgive those who have hurt because I’m afraid they’ll only do it again. I’m afraid. I’m afraid of everything. I wish I was pre-rape me. I was super […]
That’s what my life feels like. It’s that pathetic. The people I want to talk to are all there in front of me, but they’re not looking back to see me reaching out for them. I want to think that there are people behind me that would listen, but I can’t turn back to see for sure. Every once in a while the line moves enough that I get to talk to a perfect stranger, but they can’t help. So what else is there to do but go to the back of the line?
No one knows, or cares to understand…. But this is me…. A girl lost in her own thoughts. The only person that ever loved me died a couple of years ago, he was like a father to me. Now, no to sound cliche but I have nobody. No friends, no family…. None who care enough to ask, ” hey girl, are you ok”
A simple hug or a few words of encouragement will go along way but that never happens…. I often think of killing my self. I wonder what what life would be without me. Some days i find it so hard to get out […]
She plays with razors
She traces he scars
She counts her flaws like she counts stars
You think you know her but you dont
Everyday her thoughts get darker
Her heart sinks a little more
She doesnt see the light anymore
“Open up to me, I won’t judge you.”
“Trust me, I won’t hurt you.”
“I’ll never leave you.”
“I love you.”
All the lies they told me.
You know that girl with the beautiful face,
Cute little body, not a hair out of place?
She’s always the first one to tell you a joke,
Share her advice, or give your ego a stroke.
Her smile can brighten anyone’s day.
She seems so perfect in every way.
Don’t forget she’s so smart and so strong.
You’d never know that you were so wrong.
You don’t notice the scars on her wrists
Or the pain that’s hiding behind hazel eyes.
Makeup covers the brushes from his fists,
While the truth is covered up with her lies.
She really believes that she deserves this.
After all, it’s been like this her whole life.
As a little girl she survived
Strange […]
Hi everyone,
I’m not sure if anyone will read this or care but I’ve accepted that boiling up my demons inside of me is not the answer, so here’s my story.
I’ve only felt this while for a little over the year, and I’m not exactly sure what triggered it. I have a stable family, a stable education, and a stable set of friends. I have a roof over my head and I have a lot to be thankful for. But I had one sad day too many, and one day I just collapsed into this mindset. And I haven’t gotten out.
I wrote a paragraph of reasons […]