well last nights plan didn’t workout to well waking up in hospital on a drip I need to think of a different method because I don’t think things will get better and iv lost the will to live so I don’t like the idea of crawling though life
You would think it doesn’t hurt anymore. When people come in my life, gain my trust and friendship, then rip away a piece of me as they walk away like I never meant anything to them. But the truth is, it hurts so much more each time it happens. It hurts so bad that I feel numb until another part of me disappears. It hurts so bad because of the feeling that I only ever made friends from pity and I cared about them more than myself. It hurts so bad that it puts me almost to tears, but then a dark part of me […]
i have had the day from hell. sexual abuse, alone, no family, saw my mother, her denial of what my father did to me, i ended the day with loud music in my earbuds and finished off the brandy. it helped. it numbed. im not a drinker but sometimes i do. what csa has done to me is not pretty, i am always suffering, i want to find a painless way to say goodbye wont think of god, wont serve the devil, either, cant see her anymore, life so painful, nobody knows, every day, ive had enough of being so alone, nobody knows, no, nobody
Oh, fuck it, stop saying it gets better, just stop… it’s a bad joke.
I mean, why is it, that people genuinely don’t want me to die, “oh no, please don’t kill yourself, i mean, we’ll still hate you, you won’t accomplish anything, and even if you could, we won’t let you because we hate you, remember?”
It’s like they can smell it on me, how ‘pathetic’ and ‘retarded’ I am, fuck, even online, people seem to avoid me or stamp me out like the plague…
Really, they just don’t want to feel guilty for being a shit, and if they get a good laugh out of it, […]
What do you do when you live in a world that requires you to have green paper with dead presidents stamped on it in order to survive?
What do you do when everyone around you has been brainwashed and conditioned to think the way society considers “normal?”
What do you do when you are the only one that notices that slavery never went away? For it has only been transformed.
What do you do when you can see exactly what people are thinking when they look at you, and have faces of disapproval when you do not meet their expectations?
What do you do when every one you’ve ever […]
im not one really for emotions I still don’t really understand them but looking at my daughter In a room full of people knowing you would kill anyone who caused her any pain to cry or even make her sad and you would do anything for her is this love ?
Like I said before I don’t feel connected to anyone is this love ? I don’t think one can love anything more deep then a parents love I’m not a psyco am I it’s normal for a parent to want to kill for the kid right ?
is finding true love really a myth then ?
Anyways […]
To play a game or something? I think it would be nice to think of an interactive game to play on the forum. Something to get our minds off of things.
We can do mad libs?
I will start, you will need to fill in these blank spaces first. Then transfer them to my short story. Copy and paste so we can all see what you came up with?
A Name _____
A Time _____
Adjective ______
Noun ______
Name again (the same as the first) _____
Verb ending in ing _____
Verb ending in ing _____
Noun _____
Noun _____
Verb _____
A Place _____
Another place _____
I woke up next to a name, today at a time. I’m thinking […]
I want to know what everyone’s beliefs are I think it’s a good topic and will keep us busy for a wile
I’m not here to push anything on anyone and I want us all to agree to disagree
do you believe in God or the Big Bang started it all ?
What do u think happens when we die ?
do u think we get reincarnated ?
Why are we here ?
Before you close your eyes, think of everything that made you smile and laugh today. Even down to the littlest giggle.
Pull it in. Fill your mind with it all. Close your eyes and hold onto those thoughts until you’re opening your eyes the next morning.
Stay strong tonight, friends.
I remember their voices as I lay there in the hospital bed.
Asking over and over why I did it. Why I took those pills. Why I wanted it all to end.
I remember laying there and for a split second I didn’t know. Here’s these people standing over me, tears in their eyes, and broken hearts beating in their chest.
Whether I were their kid, friend or brother, they all had a sign in their eyes that a piece of them almost died with me.
This is what I think about when suicide comes to mind.
Even if you want to die, you have to take a second to realize […]
I’m packing up my life. Tying up loose ends. Cleaning it out. It’s making me really sad actually. Almost like this person has died already and I’m packing up her life.
I know it’s my choice. I can stay if I really want to. I just don’t think it’s an option anymore. But this girl, she seems like she had potential. Seems like she left a big hole it the lives of so many people.
This is hard.
I’m fucking tired and ive been tired for a long time
I honestly don’t even know how to explain this
I’m just sad and tired and I feel like life isn’t worth living. There is no true benefit and everything good comes to an end. Were all born alone and we die alone. blah blah more typical suicidal depressed teen shit
but the matter of the fact is that its all bullshit
life is bullshit everything in our ‘realities’ is bullshit
I don’t want to be another polluting selfish destructive asswipe and that’s all that humans are. we completely destroy everything we touch and I […]
Even with medication I still can’t fucking sleep. What the hell?! My doctor keeps changing my medication, uping the dose and whatever… But I can’t fucking sleep!!
I just took my pills. I feel sleepy. I’m in bed. But sleep won’t come. What the fuck?!
I don’t think the medication is helping me at all. Nothing is helping me. Therapy sucks balls. My turn to friend won’t talk to me anymore. I’m in deep shit. I feel like shit.
I’m thinking of making an attempt. My doctor is giving me TCAs. It might just work. I need more of them though. I doubt the dose I have is […]
I wonder how suicide project would look if it was a real place like a lil town or room would it be a fun place were we don’t have to wear masks everyday and just be who we are handing out razors to people who self harm walk around with our scars out without question ? A place were we get our medication at noon lol or would it be like we in a mental asylum with no guards ? Or would it be a place were we can find a suicide partner Laugh talk about all our problem for hours then at midnight blow […]
that is the day i decide it is over or i decide to move on with my life and hope its better. that is either my last day or the continuation of my life. i dont know which yet. some times im like “hell yeah, ill keep living” then most others are like “can it just all be over now?” i think i might try to keep a journal or something with a list. a list of all the reasons i should kill myself and a list of all the reasons i should stay alive. maybe thatll help me come to a decision at the […]
I think I’m allergic to the softer or something my mum used to wash the clothes the other day. I’ve had rashes for 3 days that itch constantly, and I’m cutting myself with my nails scratching. Oh well. It distracts me at times. I get so preoccupied with stopping the itches that I don’t think about what’s going on. I can deal with the stinging and itching if it means forgetting everything for a short while. I guess I just have something else to add to my allergies.
I left college early again today. I stayed for 2 hours until lunch, and then went home. It’s […]
It really is kind of hard to look at everyone around you and wonder what your purpose in life is. It’s difficult when the people around you think that they are so flawed, but in reality, they are the very idea of literal perfection.
My friends think that they are ugly and unattractive, but they don’t even know how it feels like to be me. My friends think that they are dumb or stupid, but they haven’t even begun to see my half-dead brain cells. My friends think that they have no special qualities, the only thing my brain can even think about is freaking self-pity.
Sometimes I feel like you’re just with me because you’re loney and need someone to talk to when it comes to you, but when I need you, you’re not there for me you just say, oh, I’m sorry, but then theres times I feel like you’re actually with me for me but that’s very rare now.. Like when you get mad that i don’t reply or call but that’s because I’m doing something or helping someone but you still get mad regardless which is something I don’t understand but you can do it to me and not expect me to get mad or cry.. […]
I am crazy in love with this guy, but we havent talked in a while.i have been in love with him since i was like 12 and ive never stopped loving him, i am 19 btw. he is in my mind all day and all night i dont know how to tell him, im afraid that im not good enough for him. im terrified that i might get hurt. but i dont think i could live without him. i dont think ill even stop loving him. no matter what other guys are in my life i cant seem to forget about him. what do i […]
Here’s me with my parents a few months after I was born. Dad was 24, Mum 22. They died 18 months apart (2002/2003) both were only 61 years old. They always said “when we retire we’ll…….”
I sometimes think that if there was such a thing as the devil and I would make a deal with him/her. I would have them back and allow them to have the retirement they deserved. I don’t value my soul that highly anyway, so no loss to me.
