i just want to go.
people wont miss me.
the one person i thought
that would miss me
well i just discovered that
in the end they wont miss me
theyll move on
i just want to leave
im numb but in
so much pain
all at the same time
its weird because
i cant feel happiness
i dont remember
how to be happy
what it feels like to
be happy
all i know how to
feel is sad, pained,
and lonely
oh and ignored.
i guess i was right
this world is better off
without me.
isn’t it?
yes it is.
Tag:
thought
Hi, it’s really hard to bring myself to write this, but I need help. Every time I feel really down or thoughts that I might be depressed come to mind I just ignore it. I don’t really have it, yeah, it will go away. And it does, for about 5 minutes.
And I just feel so weak. I used to think that I was invincible when I was a child, everything was possible. But now, I don’t even have a goal in life. I feel empty on the inside.
I already did everything I wanted to do in life, I think it’s time.
I used […]
For a while, i’ve thought this site might be useful. Sure, some of it can get repetitive, but it’s good for people to hear themselves, and get a candid response, not matter how juvenile. Now, I’m mot so sure.
I know wonder if it is monitored by some victimy-undergratuates looking to validate their projections. I spent a couple of hours last night responding to someone. It was my hope this individual might get a chance to read it when they awoke in their time zone.To me it was genuine and heart felt and did not contain *any* of the heated […]
Last night, i worked 12 hour so i’ll be making $82 from that. sounds like a lot right, not really. Tomorrow i got to work again from 2pm to 8pm thankfully and i’ll probably be working by myself. Â there is this woman at my work, and she’s a supervisor, manager or something but basically she’s my boss and she’s definitely bossy but it’s sexy, you know? is it just me or does anyone else find bossy women sexy? she was giving me attitude and kind of pissed me off but i was turned on then she was talking to someone and stuck her ass out […]
I’ve spent the past 35+ years in a depressed state. Something needs to change before it is to late. I’ve contemplated suicide more times then I can count even went as far as planning how and when I would do it. But I couldn’t pull myself to do it because I didn’t want my kids to grow up without a mother. And I didn’t want people think of me as weak and selfish. I hate the image in the mirror. I’m tired of putting on a brave front. I sick of crying myself to sleep. The loneliness is suffocating my soul. How can  I teach […]
She was little when it started, too little.
Is nine too little?
She was nine when it started.
She was sitting on the floor
Of her grand Dad’s mobile home
Thinkin and thinkin
She looked up and saw fields of grain fly by, and her one thought, her single thought was,
“Open it. Open the door, you could fly too.”
She got up, she jumped up, jumped. Lunged for the door, lunged for the handle.
Her breath shot out of her mouth, and she inhaled deep, deep, deep, until she choked on all the air.
She was little when it started, too little.
Is nine too little?
She […]
you go through each day like every other. you don’t smile, you don’t frown. you’re not in deep thought and you not I’m a conversation. your just listening in. you’re not with friends, you’re not alone, you’re just…there. someone hits you. you choose to ignore it. you got a good grade on a test. whoopee. not like it matters. every person that has ever hated you could start to love you. but you wouldn’t notice. every person in your family dies. can you tell? you don’t know where you are. but your not lost. your just wandering. one minute you have a dream. the next […]
I just wish I can go back in time where happiness really did exist and where you didn’t have to think about smiling bc it just happend when you were truly happy and not having to fake it . I just wish I can go back in time where your sister was your true best friend and had that sister relationship that no one can break , where you told eachother everything and stood up for eachother And cared about one another . I just wish I can go back in time  when your best friends were really your best friends the ones you call […]
I’ve finally decided life isn’t worth living anymore, and that I’m going to end it all. I really have no family, no friends and no purpose. I am the scum of society. I just want the pain to end. I’ve been consistently unhappy since I was 12 and lately I’ve just gotten worse. I don’t want to talk to or be around anyone. I can’t even think or interact because I’m in a constant fog. I’m quiet and I didn’t used to be. I’m having no creative output. I’m worthless. I guess maybe this is a last ditch effort to have someone actually care about […]
well damn everything is falling in place now. i had some really bad troubles with ppl. and life and things have been really hard for me lately. to where i thought i really had no part in this world. but im moving i have a new guy im talking to and having fun with friends and stuff. life just threw me a curve ball. but it got back straight.
My Name is Annie, I reside in Carson City, NV and I am here to tell you my story.
My story is probably a very common one, but three years ago, started a riot in my body. The moment my boyfriend, who was my first of everything dumped me over a text message, i went insane. I started everything to just be able to sleep, to eat, or to even live without him. I was messing my self up heavily. (Three to Four bottles a night, 24 case beers, Marijuana, pills) I wanted him so bad that my actions ended me up in the hospital, unconscious, […]
im sorry
but im done waiting
im done with this
im so done
with people hurting me
and doing that over
and over and over
again and again
a never ending cycle
i thought maybe
one more week
one more month
one more year
one more chance
i was wrong
i cant do this anymore
i thought i could get better
but i cant
i dont know how to be happy
i dont know how to do that
i dont know anymore
i was looking through a box
of old stuff earlier today
and i started crying
because there was a card
that my six […]
So, I found an amazing video with the Cutter’s Lullaby, and on it were some pictures for people like me. My sis made me angry, and I threw my phone at her. She picked it up, and it had frozen on a pic of the word “Disappear . . . ” and a bunch of blades around it and some blood stains. She said “that’s perfect for you. You should disappear and make everyone’s lives better.” So yeah, it’s my home page background. If my parents ask, I can say “(sistername) said it was perfect, so I kept it.” though they won’t find out. they’ll […]
Misinformation. Misinformation will raise your hopes and when you’re about to cash in those hopes and make them reality; bam. You search the internet better than you did the last time you wanted to commit suicide and, will you look at that, turns out suicide by pills isn’t as peaceful as you thought. Wait, wait… what? You won’t go to sleep and never wake up again? Hollywood misdirected you? How dare those movies make it seem so simple? Oh, what’s that? You might throw up violently? Your head will feel close to exploding? B-but—IT’LL FEEL LIKE YOU’RE LIVER’S BEING RIPPED OFF YOUR INSIDES AS IT’S […]
So once i had went to a aslyum for my cuts. I had met so many people had i saw past they cuts and burns they were beautiful with words and drawings and anything. But there was on that stood out the most. It was the first time ive ever seen someone with a huge deep slash on their throat. That person was always alone looking out the window like if he was waiting or just thinking. So i thought well let me see if i can talk to him. Everyone said he never talked so i thought well this is going to be difficult […]
Why the FUCK can’t my ex leave me alone? I check my cell after work to see if my mom called, and saw a voicemail. Naturally I thought it was my mom, calling to tell me that she was already there, waiting to pick me up. Nope. It was fucking Alex. This time he kept how he loved me, and he’s sorry for leaving me when I was ready to kill myself that night, and how he’s sorry for calling me a ***** ass ****. Then he started saying he loved me, and how it’s hard for him, and how he thought he should apologize […]
Been over a week since my last poem so thought it was time to do a new one.
Once again, inspired by a conversation I’d had with another SP member, and once again one that I think needs to be built on – still feels a little unfinished to me.
Like always, the poem is beneath the audio.
I Get It
When I read the news and see the tales of all the people that were brave enough to muster the strength it takes to pay their dues, take flight, let go and say their last goodnight,
I feel hypocritically sad for them, I feel that they shouldn’t have.
In the last two weeks, I have had more and more thoughts of committing suicide. I have also gotten closer to self-harm, than I ever have before. I thought that I would be able to cope better, since I started getting help, but I was wrong. Quite frankly, it scares me.
I’m scared of the following things:
Beginning another depressive cycle
My girlfriend breaking up with me
Actually self-harming
People finding out that I have thought about this
Those same people judging me
Potentially being put into a mental institution
Attempting Suicide
Feeling like i have no one to turn to
I keep trying to change my thinking, but it’s hard. I don’t think I […]
She’s in a Forrest, stripped and scared
walking on the bones of  people, who cared.
Spinning around in circles, she finds herself alone
running away from the thought, that she’s now on her own
A job well done, she’s killed everyone around
now she’s begging to just hear a  single sound
sticks may break, and stones may fall
but with the wounds in tact, she might as well crawl
No road to be found, No people to save
and they told her if she didn’t stop, she would be digging her own grave.
but she didn’t listen  and she didn’t care
now she was wishing, everybody was […]
It’s hard to go through sadness and helplessness etc. I sometimes wish that I can’t feel emotions at all but that takes out the basic part of being human.
If given the choice, would you rather not feel emotions (to prevent feeling pain)?