not to sound like a broken record, but man have these past few weeks been hard. i don’t even know what to type, even though i know i want to get things off my chest; it’s annoying. finding things to keep my brain busy, or else i might just lose the small amount of sanity i have left. besides, classes start again next week. i don’t know what to think, or what i need or crave. actually, now that i’m actively trying to think, i don’t really feel anything; it’s a bit like being self aware while asleep. i feel scripted.
Tag:
Tired
generally, people always give the advice of putting yourself and your needs first. why is it that when i do it, i’m being selfish and purposely making like harder for everyone?
honestly i’ve been thinking so immaturely lately, i don’t know why.
i’m upset right now, actually. this whole week has been kind of hard, between balancing school assignments, some home finances, house work, doing just about anything that my mom doesn’t want to do and spending my mornings in waiting rooms while she does some exercises has been a bit much. finally, today i decided i’d work all afternoon on my own work i need […]
Feeling like I’m going insane.
Everyone’s delusional.
And I gotta play this game.
Alone and nobody gives a damn.
She said she’s my best friend but what?
Nobody hits up my phone up.
Everybody say they have depression and they’re all alone but it’s all just a facade. Like it’s trendy now to wear it as a badge of honor. When in fact you’re charged guilty pleading your honor.
Fk why I gotta bottle
Everything up inside
Gambling with my life like a lotto.
It’s past midnight.
Gotta sleep.
Dreams of waking up to a better life, resting in peace.
Lyrics:
So many feelings
Pent up in here
Left all alone, I’m with
The one I most fear
I’m sick and I’m tired
Of reasoning
Just want to break out
Shake off this skin
–
I can’t escape myself
–
All my problems
Loom larger than life
I can’t swallow
Another slice
Seems like my shadow
Mocks every stride
Can I learn to live with
What’s trapped inside?
–
I can’t escape myself
–
So many feelings
Pent up in here
Left all alone, I’m with
The one I most fear
I’m sick and I’m tired
Of reasoning
Just wanna break out
Shake off this skin
–
I can’t escape myself
I can’t escape […]
I’m so tired of my freaking job… Sigh…
It’s just so demanding…
I work at Goodwill and here everything is already used and donated so everything is priced by stickers that can easily come off. o.o Then it has to be updated weekly as much as possible while old stuff comes off…
It’s hard to explain, but this can be really hard and exhausting…
For me at least, it’s a one man job too and I often even run out of stuff! Then like, I had to take a week off to spend time with my family and it was nice to get away from everything… but then of […]
After graduating high school, I became a hermit for four years. During that period of isolation, I grew depressed and developed an intense fear of being seen by other people. The thought of killing myself came up frequently, but I was more comfortable in those days than any other time of my adult life. Now I have a job for the first time and live in a better house with my brother, but I still don’t feel much better. How people are able to connect with each other has always puzzled me. What is the point of living if you don’t even have people who value […]
I’ve been wanting to go back home since the first night i spent here. Back then i thought we’d bought a ticket for me to go back after around six months, so i wasn’t all that worried. Though my mum told me in January we got a one way ticket. I was a bit upset, but thought, “i’ll just have to get through it and then i’ll go back”. But now, going back has been written down as probably the biggest failure. There’s such high expectations that i simply cannot meet. Everyone asks me what i want to do and why didn’t i think about […]
Have you ever f*cked up a situation or friendship that you honestly believed was unf*ckable? That you believed was foolproof, with no f*ckabilty ratio?
I did that yesterday..and it sucks.
I just thought I could open up more, to someone I have been trying to open up to for a few years now. It is not a relationship, but it was helping me get through some things. I considered him to be a friend. And now he sees me as a crazy, depressed, hopeless loon; so I lost another friend.
Here’s to another birthday knowing that I should just keep my f*cking mouth shut when it comes […]
i’m really tired of being told to see a psychologist. i’m tired of being told it’ll get better. i’m just tired of all this false hope people expect me to soak in like a sponge. they expect me to instantly be cured of my illness just by simply looking at the bigger picture. i don’t see a bigger picture for me, i don’t want there to be one. i want to be dead.
yesterday i took full advantage of the numbness i’ve been feeling for the past few days. since i haven’t felt anything; not anxious, sad, happy, stressed, anything; i decided to finally make an appointment to talk with someone about what’s going on with my brain. it’s too annoying to ignore now, and honestly i doubt that’ll make it worse so i may as well try. the appointment is on the 28th, so in about two weeks but i guess it’s a nice thing and good news, i honestly don’t know and currently couldn’t care less. let’s see how that works out.
i don’t know why, but i’ve been having a lot of trouble sleeping. on sunday i went to bed at 4 and woke up at 8. last night i didn’t sleep at all, but i took a nap at 10 because i had to work tonight. and today, here i am. it’s 2:45 and i’m about to go try and sleep. it’s really hard though. most people tell me to just go to bed earlier, but the thing is i just can’t seem to stay asleep for long. i constantly wake up, which makes me more tired. i even noticed how i feel more awake […]
today was a busy day. very tiring. though i have two days off now, so that’s good. it rarely feels like i’m actually living though, i’m just going through motions. it’s weird.
still can’t sleep, but oh well.
11:40pm
So tired of my shitty, sad, pathetic life
So tired of being sad and depressed all the time
So tired of being lethargic
So tired of being physically sick
So tired physically
So tired of being in fear, of things being taken away from me
So tired of procrastinating and not getting things done
So tired of the shitty people who purposely want to screw me over
So tired of being alone and lonely, but
So tired of attracting only shitty people
So tired of the universe constantly shitting on me
So tired of being sad, depressed, lonely me
So tired of being so fucking tired all […]
Firstly, I should sorry for my English, I’m not a native speaker. So, okay…
Why am I can’t be just happy? Why I have to bear all this pain, hiding deep inside in me? I only want to smile so heartily as I was smiling before but it seems to me that I need to wait a lot of time before I can say that I am really happy. I just hate to wear this mask, to behave like everything is okay, to lie to myself that this time will end soon.
I’m tired. I’m so tired of it…
It’s started in the beginning of August, and I […]
Whenever people ask me, “Hey man, how are you?” My response is always tired. And this is a true statement because I most likely didn’t get an appropriate amount of sleep last night.
Unfortunately that isn’t because of an inability to sleep, its because I’m just, tired.
I’m tired of having to wake up. Im tired of having to get dressed, I’m tired of going to school, Im tired of getting yelled at, Im tired of crying, Im tired of feeling like I’m not good enough, Im tired of everything.
Im just too tired to want to keep going in this life, in this timeline.
I want someone in […]
I feel done. It’s this feeling of emptiness and loneliness. I don’t have any motivation to do anything. I’m so much more tired to do things. I just want to sleep all day. I don’t know why I feel this way. I just do. I can’t talk to anyone about it because my friends won’t understand and my parents will just say that I’m being dramatic.
I’ve been carrying this illness for years and didn’t utter a word to anyone, not my family, friends, the counselor I had been seeing for 5 years. I recently reached out and tried getting help. I started by telling my older sister, who then told my mum and soon I was seeing a doctor who was meant to direct me to mental health specialists. This was over 2 months ago. The doctors have done nothing. After the years of doing nothing the one time I try get help I get thrown aside. There are many other signs but this is the final one. I give […]
I have been eating irregularly for the past week…I don’t eat at all except for dinner (As less as possible) because I can’t avoid it, since I have it with my parents…
Now I tried eating an apple and god I feel so nauseous and urgh…Whenever I eat or see someone eat I get this feeling of wanting to throw up but I can’t?? I feel all queasy and I just…
I don’t want to get out of bed in the mornings, and I have to…At school I’m just fighting back tears all the time or thinking about suicide or those voices in my head that won’t […]
Hello. Haven’t posted in a while. Testing week was hell. Tired. Ended testing week off with an important interview. Felt like a fraud. I dressed up as something I wasn’t. Smiled. Used hand gestures. I was articulate. They seemed very pleased. The final question was why I thought I deserved the position. I wanted to scream out I didn’t deserve it. That I was a fraud. That I was a liar. That I was a horrible person. I sat there for 30 seconds. I finally came up with some bullshit answer. They said I got it. Went up to shake their hand. I felt a […]
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