First of, I’m new to this I came across this when I was looking for easy ways to die. I see myself as pretty messed up in the head. I had a mental breakdown when I was 17 after suffering horrific abuse and exposure..I was sectioned and before that was told by a nurse that if I had fallen asleep I would of died. I’ve always felt that no one cares about me as I’ve had my own mum tell me I was a mistake and my own nan has told me I was a 2 minute wonder baby. My depression is clinical and can […]
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told
There are so many misconceptions about what it feels like to be compulsive. The most common being that people who are compulsive are obsessively cleanly and a perfectionist, that’s not always the case. Like with me, I’m compulsive in a way where when I remember something unpleasant, or I’m just triggered I have an “episode.” Let me explain what these episodes are, they’re when I remember something and I go through… I don’t have words to describe it. Imagine the worst you’ve ever felt in your entire life, then compress that into maybe one or two seconds. That’s what happens when I have my episodes, […]
and he was online … she was too .. he said “hey” and ever since they are talking on Facebook .. she was having a foot injury out of something stupid that caused a metal piece .. get sticked into her foot .. she told him that , he said ” I feel really bad when a beautiful girls like you get hurt” ..
they kept talking for a days .. and then she said .. I’m going out tomorrow to the collage .. if you wants to go with me give me your phone number .. and he does .. and they kept talking […]
Wow, where do I even begin? I guess I’ll start by introducing myself. My name is Illya. I’m a 28 year old guy from Belgium. Why am I on this forum? I just wanted to share my story. No one in my life knows what I’m about to write. Not even my mother knows everything. She knows several things, but not all of it. I have no idea why I’m writing this down. I know it’s completely insignificant, but I guess I just need it.
I’ll start with my youth. I never knew my father. I only heard stories about him. He was a bad man […]
can love turns to hate at some point .!
I want to talk clearly about my boyfriend ..
I believe that he really loved me from the depth of his heart
I will not lie to you .. I did so wrong things to him ,, I cheated on him so many times , and I used him as my slave for a whole three years .. all this time he was okay and never said a word
but once we had a sex on skype
and he got a pic of that thing and he started threaten me with it … when I told […]
I am hellish.
It took me a while to finish that sentence. Today, I was exposed to the revelation that I am that friend. That person; I am changing. I found myself today, in one of those common ruts, depressed and anxious to the extent that I could not keep a facade on my face.
These friends of mine are lovely. They do not judge me openly. They listen. The trouble is, you never know what they’re thinking, hearing you speak, watching you move – or not move at all. But today I did something I never have done. I demanded affection.
A friend […]
Today, for some reason, I could not stop thinking of her. I thought about her throughout the day as always, but when I got home, I napped and dreamed about her. After my nap the thought only got stronger. All I know is, I am never going to have her again the way we used to be… I’ll never forget when she told me, “…things aren’t going to be the way they used to be…” As much as I knew that was true, I didn’t want it to be. I wanted things to be the way they used to be but I ruined it. I […]
As I watched my husband walk out of the door, leaving my daughter crying for him to “take me with you” or “don’t go daddy” it hit me like a brick. I was that little girl. I cried for my daddy to stay….. My husband has worked for almost 3 weeks straight. Nights. Not by choice. But tonight, his first night off, he chose to go to a sporting event. My daughter’s heart was/is broken. She cried for an hour, I cried with her. Unable to comfort her because I was hurting too. I tried to explain to my husband but he just got mad […]
: to be honest i simply have grown tired of life…. I was hoping that by doing this the right way I would grow stronger … strong enough so that even I wouldn’t have to talk to anyone about the burning inside my soul. the inadequacy that I feel every time I walk into room. The shadow that I cast at dusk… It is a large shadow. It is painted with my suffering and misdeeds. I am truly a monstrosity. I am unworthy to live. and yet… many keep telling me that God wants me alive. that I ought to keep striving to survive , […]
I feel so numb. I feel like nothing around me is real. I should have told my pdoc that I attempted suicide when I had my appointment, but I guess I assumed the hospital told her since they asked for her name and I provided it. But nobody told her and I told her that nothing changed and I was still depressed and she just refilled the medicine I oded on and off I went.
My pdoc is a revolving door of pills. I don’t know if I’m having a mental break or if it’s a side effect of all these meds. Right now it’s keppra, […]
She was one of the most beautiful faces i have ever seen. Its not like i haven’t seen her before. Me, her brother and she, we used to play together, when she used to live near our house. But they moved to a place near my grandma’s. That day when i was visiting my grandmas, i saw her after a long time and just got a feeling as if my heart is feeling suffocated and as if trying to beat, every beat felt like a beat of drum in my ear. I felt as if something was holding my heart and pulling it towards my […]
I always wanted to die …. I was told if I tired I would regret it and never do it again
Well I tried. I was hospitalized for 4 days and I’m back home. I still want to do it. I failed I didn’t succeed when I should have. The longer I go on living …. the more I hurt. I don’t want to do this anymore I don’t know what the point is. I have yet to have a purpose for staying yet I’m still here. Altough that may be a ‘sign’ I still don’t want to be here. Life is shit…. it doesn’t matter […]
Hi, it’s a time ago that I wrote a post here and I even feel more miserable than I was. I really can’t understand why methods are not allowed here. I mean detailed methods, not things like ‘jump before the train or shoot yourself in the head’ because sincerely I don’t have the guts to do something like that. In 2011 I jumped from the balcony of my appartement but it only shattered my bones! I was even not near death. I took some painkillers the day before and when my mum started to threaten me I jumped. I was not scared at all. I […]
I don’t have anything. I am failing out of college, I am unhappy with my job, I am out of money, I don’t have very many friends, the love of my life/best friend just ruthlessly walked out of my life. I guess that is my biggest issue. I had been in serious relationships in the past, but nothing quite as emotionally invigorating at this one. We met about a year ago, last October, both working at a local grocery store to put ourselves through college. Around the time of the new year, it was evident that a connection was forming. We would grab dinner several […]
Still feeling sick. Sick like slow, tired, dizzy, nauseous… This awful headache. No appetite. Intense amounts of sleep. Going through benzo withdrawal as an unintended side effect of overdosing and the hospital prescribed hydroxyzine to help with anxiety and withdrawal symptoms. The hydroxyzine makes me tired and blank cognitively but I kind of like it because it’s better than being alone with my thoughts.
I haven’t told my family anything. We are the type of family where this sort of thing is swept under the rug and considered a weakness. I had my friend check me out of the hospital which I know was […]
Ever since middle school I’ve always wanted a bf. Almost every night I would cry because I thought no one would ever love me. When I was 18, my best friend introduce me to a guy. We started emailing each other a lot. I get really bad anxiety but that one day I decided to meet him. He picked me up, all he wanted was sex. He kept pressuring me to do it so I felt like I had to. So I lost my virginity to him. He totally left me after that. I was heart broken and sad again. I met this guy on […]
Im new here, and already after reading some of these posts I feel like I have found my people . haha. I dont know where to begin. Isnt that ironic? Since I dont know how to end it either? Man, Im funny.
Im a lonely, cowardice, self loathing 22 year old mother and wife who lives in a repetitive world that she oh so badly wants out of. Im very exhausted from living a lie.. Living to make sure to not step on my husbands toes.. I long for connection. I wont get it from him. When he attepmts, which is rare, it is forced.. I […]
So my “friend” that I was talking to about my depression misread a text I sent her. Somehow she came to the conclusion that I want to kill my boyfriend. I don’t know how anything I’ve told her could be turned into that. But she called the police and they showed up at my house last night. They asked if I was suicidal and if I was planning on killing my ex-boyfriend and myself. I said no, and they clearly thought that the whole situation was stupid so they joked a little and left. Then my “friend” comes to my door, with her cousin. I […]
I find myself waiting for the crosswalk light to turn to go, watching all the speeding cars fly by. I like to stand as close to the edge as I can and just imagine the feeling of stepping out into traffic, and the feeling of the impact of the first car to hit me. the only thing holding me back is the possibility of some how surviving that…and all those people watching…me. I was told it only gets harder from here. Right now is harder than I can stand, just kill me now, I hate life.
this morning I was called bipolar, they laughed at it and then started mocking me, saying I’m in denial about having bipolar (actually currently being assessed for it and the such like) then another person suggested multiple personality disorder, than the other replied ‘oh that’s you(me) all over, you’re always changing’ and then as we left form class I told them to shut it, but was told ‘mental illness is funny, I find your denial about bipolar amusing’. it hurts, it hurts so much when people say this stuff.