insomnia has 4 syllables, 4 vowels, 4 consonants…it’s 4 in the morning. I take enough sleeping pills to down a bus full of toddlers, I’ve taken 37 tonight….this is beginning to be an average number…not in a desparate attempt to die, but to sleeeeeeppppppp sleep sleep sleep sleeeeep…I cannot sleep. for 3 hours I tried…tv off lights off dark. silence. eyes closed, as if I laid completely still for long enough I could trick myself to sleep…..insomnia is crazy. there have been nights that I’ve just fuckin broke and wept, wept for sleep…a few days in and i’m thinking maybe I am actually asleep but […]
tonight
The majority of posts on here seem like a cry for help, if I’m being honest with myself I’m just here to vent.
I don’t plan on committing suicide tonight, but one day soon I will. I’ve been depressed for 8 years which is a third of my life and all of my adult life.
I’ll never understand why some people are challenged in life more than others, why some people can live long happy lives while others suffer every waking moment.
I’ll willingly admit there are people out there who have it far worse than I do, but I am at a constant struggle to find a real […]
I am afraid. Very simply put. Because very rarely am I just afraid with nothing else to feel. There are usually other things, like anxiety, or stress, anger. Not tonight. Tonight I am afraid of the dark, of my dreams, sleeping; of going insane, of staying like this for the rest of my life. I can’t….. I just can’t
There’s an eclipse tonight and everyone should watch it of they can! it’s gonna be amazing and may lift your spirits even if just for a little while! it’s a wonderful event that’s truely magical and I hope some of you get to experience it!
i know that i said that i would wait but i found the key to the trigger lock taped to the inside of the box so tonight is the night I’m going to go get some burger king and a pack of cigs a few beers and finish the job goodbye everyone. ill let y’all know if i puss out at 10:00 tomorrow morning but don’t count on it.
It’s been 3 minutes since I walked through the front door and I’m in tears.
i knew I should’ve stayed outside, it took me a while to convince myself to come inside anyways.
First minute:
I walked through the door and the second I do my dad tell me to hurry up and put my backpack down and go see him.
second minute:
i went to go see my dad and he said he has stuff for me to do, I told him he has to hurry because i have a lot of homework tonight and he automatically got mad at me and started yelling at me saying I’m selfish […]
I’m tired of anxiety constantly running my life. Bought concert tickets for tonight but am having a nervous break down and don’t beleive I’ll be going anymore. I’m to scared. I hate this I just wish I could enjoy myself for once.
Every day it’s all the same
Like no matter what the reason is
The seasons never change
I think of all the time I spend
There’s a fire in sky
They’ll remember me tonight
It’s burning up
alcohol is my filter tonight, I may come offf crass, and harsh, wheather io mean to or not, that’s anyones guess
The only reason why I haven’t killed myself yet is my mother. She’d be crushed, and I don’t want to hurt anyone because of me killing myself.. I’m probably just going through a “phase”.. Well that’s what I hope… It sucks, I feel like I have a pretty bright future ahead of me: good grades, great Offensive Tackle, But I have basically 3 friends, and one of them is just done with me, and I don’t know how I fucked up so bad.. But some things are too much, my stepdad having stage 3 kidney cancer.. And earlier tonight, my “friend” had just said that […]
I’m feeling sad again tonight, but then again that’s nothing new.
thats it. im done!!!! i fucked up. im a fuck up. the voices wont be quiet. ive completly lost my mind. i appreciate everyone on here who was supportive and freindly to me. i just cant do it anymoere.
I’m staring at the new cut on my upper arm, and I’m numb. I’ve just finished writing a text so someone I thought I could trust, who chose a guy over my friendship, and I’m numb. I just dropped one of my courses, because I couldn’t handle a full-time course load, and I’m numb. Maybe I’ll never feel again. Or maybe tonight will be the night, and I won’t have to worry about the fact that my SSI will be there and gone on the 1st. Well, really, either way I’d never feel again. I think I’m out of […]
I want to do it tonight, but it’s harder on a weekday because of work. I don’t think I can bear this pain until the weekend. I’m miserable. I’m ready to go. I wrote instructions on my leg. I’ll write more on my arm later. It’s a matter of principal. I’ve always said this, the longer I’m alive, the longer people will treat me like shit and feel they have every fucking right to. I will leave my name here as soon before the event as possible. I also have to apologize to my work by email and basically tell off the guy I loved.
I can’t take it guys…. I can’t do it…. I’m so low right now.. Everyone is out and having fun and enjoying themselves without me and I’m sure no one will even notice that I’m not there, just like if I died. No one would notice that I wasn’t there. Maybe I would be a sad story to tell your children ten years from now about mental illness or what happens when people aren’t loved. Maybe those that I know will cry for a day, maybe they’ll mourn for a week.. And then it’ll be over and people will forget, slowly or quickly. Everyone will […]
screwdriver. i like a phillips screwdriver. gets u fucked. star shaped for star children.
i dont do wodka straight unless i must. too many rough nights in 2013 shootin straight wodkuh. tonight imma enjoy this. it may very well be my last night. (: seriously i get intensely impulsive. i mever drink for the taste like a *****. i drink to get clobbered hammered and shit n pissfaced like a true alcoholic. drink drink drunk
I’m sorry, she’s a good person but I’m pissed off and frustrated at her right now! I asked her again tonight when I can get my own Visa card so I can buy the peaceful pill eHandbook. She got on her high horse and said “this is a bad book I can’t do it”. I said “how is it a bad book?” She said “I did research and it gives you contacts”. I said so? I want a freaking book using my own money and I got freedom of information!!!!!!!!! She said “your crazy”. I said – let me buy the damn book! She said […]
Alright, I’ma try to dedicate this other to this other one.
What makes you beautiful, is the secret inside of you.
You are already, your perfect cathedral.
Don’t change yourself, from being just.
Grow in your nature like you were meant to.
Keep going and someday, life will be beautiful.
Like the way that you told me so.
If you may, may I ask, to pray for me just for tonight.
What makes you beautiful, is the secret inside of you.
Hi guys,
so it’s decided tonight is my last night. Tomorrow evening I am staying in a motel room & am going to hang myself there (so my family don’t have to find my body). I really wanted a more painless method than hanging but after researching and researching it on CO poisoning or the helium exit bag these options are too logistically difficult for me. I feel quite happy right now knowing that it’ll soon be over, but will no doubt be extremely nervous tinorrow. I also feel extremely guilt ridden knowing this is really going to hurt the ones I love. I try to […]
A month ago, I decided it was time for me to get some help, so I did. It was really hard for me to do but I did it anyway. I am now seeing a psychiatrist and I’m trying to get back on the right track. I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression, which I am taking medication for. Most days, I still feel like I just want to die but I’m trying to ignore those thoughts. Sometimes it works. I just want to be happy again. I know I won’t wake up and suddenly feel okay, which is why I’m still trying. I’m doing […]