I want to do it tonight, but it’s harder on a weekday because of work. I don’t think I can bear this pain until the weekend. I’m miserable. I’m ready to go. I wrote instructions on my leg. I’ll write more on my arm later. It’s a matter of principal. I’ve always said this, the longer I’m alive, the longer people will treat me like shit and feel they have every fucking right to. I will leave my name here as soon before the event as possible. I also have to apologize to my work by email and basically tell off the guy I loved.
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If you do decide to commit, I understand and I wish you nothing but peace afterwards.
But yes, please let us know so that we are not left to wonder.
I want to wish you the best on what ever you decide to do. I do however want you to know that nothing about you is disgusting. What is disgusting is how people have treated you to push you this far as to want to die. I can relate because hopefully I’ll be gone within 6 months to a year. Please make sure you understand how easy it is to fail at a suicide attempt. I don’t want you to suffer. What method are you wanting to choose?
I do have to add in…if you are going to do this make sure you have your affairs in order, so that if you are found before death is “complete” they don’t try and bring you back to a worse condition than you were before. IE Vegetable or even still just back period.
Definatly! Nobody wants to think of themselves ending up like a Terri Shiavo or a Bobbi Kristina Brown in a PVS
I have researched it for years and know it’s much harder for an obese person to die. Especially me. I’m nearly immortal. My blood work and blood pressure is that of the fittest athelete, yet I’m fat and half way crippled, not in any shape at all. Yes, I can’t stand to be alone. I feel scared of getting caught beforehand. I’m almost certain a train can take my head off, or crush it. I don’t think that my body could live on after that. I don’t have affairs in order. I’m a life long homeless person who’s never had anything established. I’ve worked my ass off to try to get somewhere. I gave everything to someone who I could have worshipped for an eternity. I’ve always been too ugly for everyone. I’ve never felt loved. I wasn’t wanted from birth. No one ever liked me. I’m nearly 38 and never had a real, serious relationship where I was loved. Men fall only for bodies, nothing more.
I want to say I am sorry…but that is probably the last thing you want to hear as you have heard it more times than you can count. And what does “sorry” really mean anyway?
You yourself are not ugly, it’s the people around you that make you feel the way you do that are ugly. I can sympathize as I do know what its like to work you ass off for everything in life and have nothing in return. I know what it’s like to love someone dearly only to have them walk out on you and you are left with….nothing. Its a horrible awful plague that stays with you for a lifetime. My mother pawned me off on an aunt that never wanted me and I don’t who my father is; probably better off not knowing honestly.
It’s true men are visual creatures but again no all men like the pencil stick models that walk around. Nothing but bones and looks like they have thrown up everything they have ever eaten.
While, I cannot understand your personal pain, I can sympathize and empathize to a degree. Either way, I do hope you get what you are seeking if you choose to go through with it. None of us on here would want you to be in more “pain” that what you are now.
Even though I myself thought deeply about getting myself hit by a train, there’s a chance that the bumper at the front will throw you, leaving you severely disabled yet alive. There’s gotta be another way. Before I thought about paying a heroin addict a shit load of cash to inject me with a lethal dose. It’s peaceful from what I read but I don’t know any heroin addicts and plus I don’t know how potent the heroin would be.
I have heard that heroin overdose is painless…you just basically fall to sleep and everything just slows down until it stops. Sounds like a great idea to me but I wouldn’t have any idea how much one would need for such a think. I do know that black tar heroin is more potent. Like you, I wouldn’t have a clue to where to find that shit. Makes you wonder though, doesn’t it??
Yeah, the idea of getting hit by a train *shivers*
God no! Terri Shiavo was just….awful. It took her so long to die and it was so cruel in how she had to go. Why don’t we have human euthanasia for things like this; like Dignitas. I am sorry but there was nothing wrong with what Dr. Kevorkian did, I just wish it would apply to people like us.
I did read up on Dignitas though and if you can get through their “legal” hoops and have the money, they will end your suffering. You don’t have to be terminally ill either. Although, sometimes I feel like depression really is a terminal illness. There is not really a cure for it and we do succumb to it at times….so shouldn’t that be a terminal illness by definition?
If you are a homeless nobody they won’t spend a dime on your care. So I’m good.
Exactly! Our stupid society decided to let Terri Shiavo starve to death “naturally” over a 10 day period instead of just injecting her with something that could have made her die instantly. She had the consiousness of a No. 2 Pencil and yet all these Judeo-Christians where talking about how important it would be to keep her alive. What is life without experience and consiousness?
As for depression, it is a terminal illness in many ways, mostly due to the fact that it releases the stress hormone Cortisol, which increases your risk of cancer, heart disease, etc. I already got hypertension.
I couldn’t have said it better myself!! Thank you!!! It’s funny how Europe is so much more advanced and open minded about these things. We are too busy playing political correctness to know our ass end from a hole in the ground.
They really should classify it as that, then maybe we would have the chance to end our life painlessly and with some damn dignity and without fear. I have heart disease, so I am screw one way or the other. I’m a ticking time bomb and I’m only in my mid-thirties.
What about laying down? I doubt my head is big enough to reach the end bumper. I’m aiming for decapitation or at least the same effect of my head exploding. I know my fatness would bounce so I’m only aiming to put my head on the track. I hope I’m not wrong…
I suppose that could work. Don’t quote me though. I did know of someone who’s Aunt just laid down the on the tracks and let herself get run over. She didn’t come home to say that least.
If your overweight and put lay face down on the tracks, with your head on the one side of the rail (for decapitation) and the rest of your body on the tracks, it may work. It depends on the train and how fast it’s going to. I’d lay horizontally in a way that your head is positioned closet to the train. I think if you just put your head on the tracks, there’s an even bigger chance of failing. You may flinch at the last minute or the train could nudge you hard, breaking your neck and doing brain damage. Last week when I walked to the railroad tracks drunk at 1 am, I worked on the best laying positions myself. Nobody was around because it was a quiet setting. That was when I was walking on the tracks on the way to my dads to get blitzed on Vodka when I was gone doe 3 days.
|\| < this is the best way I can visually explain it. The two lines represent the railroad tracks, while the middle line would represent your body position. That's the conclusion I came to when I was testing it out. Also on my railroad tracks there was a lot of lose gravel and I found that I could barrow my arms into it. I thought about using rope or something to tie me to the tracks as well. Had many ideas but decided against it. Who knows what I'll do when the time comes. I'm just so afraid of failing or feeling intense pain.
Also the line representing you should not be that horizontal. But I couldn’t find any other symbol
And make sure your head is on or over or hanging over the bar. Good look if you decide this,
I watched 3 drunk people walk past a rail crossing gate right into the path of a train. I was sitting in my car stopped at the gates. The train was just passing through a local station and was not going very fast. I was the first person on the scene and had to go to coroners court. It was 2 guys and a girl. The impact launched all 3 of their bodies through the air, probably landed about 7 or 8 metres away. one of the guys died instantly. Other guy and girl survived, not sure how badly they were injured.
I was thinking face down, neck on the track, body away from train because big fat body would bounce and head not be hit. I can’t fit under a train. I would be on the e hope that I get decapitated and/or skull flattened. It’s hard being as fat and round as I am.
I recommend a fast one. If its going less than 15mph you have an 80 percent chance of not dying right away and being conscious for the up to 15 minutes it takes to bleed out internally.. If it were me I would go find a spot between stations and have a nice bong and smoke weed till I cant hold the lighter. Then just stroll out and face away from the coming train with earplugs in so I don’t have to hear it and so I can enjoy my last bong in peace and enjoy the nice day. If its going more than 40mph you have a 90% chance of being unconscious instantly and being dead for good within 5 minutes. People have lived from 3000 feet skydive disasters where the shoot didn’t open and they hit the ground. The body is pretty damn durable. I wouldnt lay on the tracks. Gives them time to stop it and you get bounced off more often than not
Well I’ll do it at night, wearing all black. Walking in front of a train won’t work. I’ll fly. I’m big and round. And I believe my body could handle more trauma than anyone else on the planet. I do believe I’m next to immortal. Decapitation or total destruction of my head and brain is the only thing that could kill me. I have survived torture.
But dying is a lot of work. I mean really by the time you get to the tracks and cry and bla bla. Might as well just go to work. Tomorrow is always just a day away. Did you know that most people kill themselves when it is 80 degrees and sunny with low humidity. Perfect weather. You would think it would be more so on cold dreary days.
Probably because on the nicer days, there are more people out and about, having fun, which just serves as a reminder of what the depressed person doesn’t believe they’ll ever have.
Being big will protect you to a certain degree. I am 6 foot 1 and I weighed about 120kg when I was in an accident: Pedestrian versus high speed semi-trailer. It was a 22 wheeler Kenworth doing 100km/h. The front mudguard hit me in the left upper chest breaking 3 ribs and causing a compression fracture in my spine. It also broke my left leg and a few other smaller bones. Took a bit of skin off and left a few bruises.The impact threw me about 3 meters over to the side of the road and I landed face down on the guard rail beside the road, then fell onto my back into the gutter. # ambulances attended and they had to cut my clothes off on the side of the road and placed me into a full body inflatable compression suit. The paramedics spent about 20 minutes trying to get IV access but all my veins had collapsed. They had to wait until I got to hospital to get an IV line in. The Police Crash Investigation section told me that if I had been 70kg, I would have been killed and it was simply my size that saved me.
I just got the biggest shiver while reading your post, not to mention a vivid image of the whole thing. WOW, that is amazing and horrid all at the same time.
I was conscious the entire time and when I got to hospital the nurses kept telling me that a Doctor would have another attempt to insert an IV line so they could administer morphine. I told them not to worry about the morphine as I was not in pain but had a slight headache and some Paracetamol would be fine. At the point of the truck hitting me, I remember the massive impact but experienced no pain. I didn’t have pain until the following day.
That is scary. I don’t want my size to save me. But I have no choice. I could never afford all the steps to getting a gun.