Well ive finally built up the courage to end it, there zero chance things get better . its like i try to talk to about my problem and ppl including my own mom just toss aside how i feel my depression , everything like is nothing. I just feel alone, im playing to lose.if i feel angry or sad my own family looks at me like i have no right to feel that way . funny thing is me and my mom got in an arguement just now and she wished me death at least she thinks so too . well someones wish is going […]
Do you guys know?
Do you guys understand?
I think so, your’e all so nice. I love you all but it’s my time. I just had a very scary episode. My family is downstairs and they’re all going to try to kill me. This doesn’t even make sense, but I guess it proves that I am truly insane. I put my lucky dice near the door to stop them from coming in and it’s working. I have voices in my head, they tell me to kill people (mainly myself), they are Shirley and Danny. They’re so nice to me sometimes, everyone else is trying hurt […]
It’s lonely tonight. I’m sitting here completely alone, no one to call or text. No one to say I love you, good night or good morning. And I’ve never been happier for some strange reason. I’m not a social person anyways, I hate crowds, I hate being at social gatherings, and I have a hard time conversing with people. Possibly I was made to be alone for life. A cold but comforting lonliness at least for now.
I cared about her so much and she threw it away. It was my fault but goddammit that doesn’t make it hurt less. I’m such an ass. I made her do things she didn’t want to and I ruined it. I… I’m a selfish prick… I’m going to cry and wish I could die tonight, but I won’t. I’m better than that. But this won’t stop hurting. not for a long time. This burns. Hollywood Undead. Black Dahlia. Most of it applies, but not all. Fuck. I care so much about her. I just want to make her happy. I thought I’d be okay being […]
Blame xirzio for this shot. Sorry guys.
I feel sort of spent tonight. I’m making progress, but it never seems to be enough. Nothing can make me forget. These things that are running through my head nonstop.. They’re eating me alive. Before long, I’ll be a skeleton on the floor of the mansion that I used to call my life. When did it go so wrong? There has to be more to life than this […]
My best friend, K, tried to kill herself again tonight. Two of my best friends are dead, and another one is almost dead. I think that’s the only reason I’m still here. Her. I honestly think that she’s the last person I love on this earth. I mean, can I really say I love my fosters? I don’t think I can. Most of my family is on the other side of the world, an ocean away. Therapy makes me hate myself and all the others in my group even more It makes me into a different person, someone I want to strangle.
Well, at least K […]
I’ve noticed that some of the dumbest things can make me feel completely inadequate as a human being. For example..
-I really REALLY suck at folding fitted sheets. I work in housekeeping at a nursing home and I’m in laundry tonight. All I can think about is how awful that stack of sheets looks.
– I have a little extra bounce in my step when I walk. I feel like it’s drawing attention to me so I try WAY too hard to correct it.
– i couldn’t get a bag open wjilebi was checking out at Wal-Mart the other day. I struggled a bit with it because the […]
When I fall asleep tonight
Will the voices stop
Will an angel come to comfort me
Or a demon come to mock
Make a joke of suffering
And laugh in my face
Let the darkness smother me
While the echoes fill the space
“They hate you”
“They crave you”
These voices never change
They argue with themselves
They magnify my pain
“They’re watching. Not leaving”
Paranoia is setting in
“Even when you’re dreaming
They know your every sin”
I think it’s sad when you learn you finally love someone.. that would be my father. I have taken him for granted, but yet again he doesn’t have a clue what it’s like to suffer with depression and anxiety. I can never talk to him. Before I was token away, I was daddies little girl.. no matter what he has done to my family or my mom. We’ve separated so much through the years.. I cant just go speak to him about it, it’s different..
I honestly don’t feel like anybody is listening.. but I like the thought. Done posting for tonight, I post too much.
Listen to this.. The song has helped me in a way, sharing in hopes that it will help someone Else out there tonight..
You all matter.
If anyone out there knows of any other good songs that describes there situation feel free to share in a reply.
I don’t want to be here anymore, I’ve known this since I was very young. But only now that I’m over 40, I’m no longer living on some autopilot or “unawakened” state. I’m awake. I get it. Oneness, we are all one, the energy, the unified field, the energy of love, the veil, the illusion, the ego. Got it… I’m done now, I don’t want to force peace and happiness upon myself or others, what for? People and life keep pushing back and I want to leave now, I can’t keep this up on my own.
If I ended up here with this pitiful story, what’s […]
I don’t want to get into who I am or why I’m doing what I’m doing. I am going to kill myself tonight. I have checked into a hotel room and it is on the 11th floor. I’m looking down and it is high, I’m sure high enough to kill myself, but I have no faith in my mortality so I don’t know if jumping from this height would be enough. I am however going to land on my back, with my head tilting down so the brain stem is completly shattered. I also have been trying to get a gun for the last couple […]
Please, please read if you’re considering suicide:
I have bipolar disorder and I’ve tried to kill myself 5 times. Every single one was a nightmare. I’m totally with you and understand you when you say you feel hopeless, lost, worthless or in pain. My depression is with me frequently and I often wish it would end.
The fact of the matter is that it will be with me, in some degree, for the rest of my life. And I’m ok with that. Because despite the difficulty and the occasional emotional torture, I know – I know – that life offers happiness too.
Relief does come, it will come, […]
I don’t even know if I like being alone or not. Sometimes I want a friend, but other times I remember how impossible that is for me. Maybe I just want someone to talk to. That’s probably why I’m posting on this site, anyway. I don’t like feeling alone. I know that much about myself. I kind of feel like I’m walking on my own plane of existence, and nobody else can even see me. Like my world and the world everyone else lives in overlaps like a one-way mirror. I can see everyone else and know they’re there, but they can’t do that for me.
Whatever, […]
I can feel it. The pull to take a beer or any other drink I have every night, when the thoughts come creeping up. The sweet, blissful promise of release from the voices in my head and the cool, refreshing feeling as the liquid touches the back of my throat, giving me a sensation similar to falling into the arms of someone who cares. They won’t shut up, so I drown them. Just for tonight, because a permanent way to shut them up doesn’t seem to exist. A constant battle, day after day, always ending in my twisted, ironic victory. Like fighting a bomb – […]
I’ve been around watching and reading for three years guess I decided tonight was the night I made an account I don’t really know why maybe because the only person I’ve cared about is on the phone with a asshole that treats her like shit and by the time she gets off the phone shell tell me how much she regrets being intimate and cheating on him with me then again I could be here because I’m a sick puppy as is
Really suicidal tonight. I’m so sick of life, of hurting, of empty fuckin promises. Tired of loosing people i love. Its like there’s a black hole where my heart is supposed to be, nno matter what i do i feel nothing but emptiness and pain. though this is only my second, I’m thinking this will be my last post.
goodnight
Sweet love that I held so close
The hand I held and needed most
The lips I kissed so many times
Oh love never were you mine
For a split second you let me believe
That I had you back and you’d never leave
I guess I was just the easiest to convince
But I haven’t stopped hurting since..
Oh love I know I’m easy to forget
But I’m so sure you were ‘it’
That person for whom I would give my life
But […]
”…1, 2, 3 1, 2, 3 drink
Throw ’em back, till I lose count
I’m gonna swing from the chandelier, from the chandelier.
I’m gonna live like tomorrow doesn’t exist
Like it doesn’t exist.
I’m gonna fly like a bird through the night, feel my tears as they dry.
I’m gonna swing from the chandelier, from the chandelier.
But I’m holding on for dear life, won’t look down won’t open my eyes.
Keep my glass full until morning light, ’cause I’m just holding on for tonight.
Help me, I’m holding on for dear life, won’t look down won’t open my eyes.
Keep my glass full until morning light, […]