What if I told you I don’t belong here?
He asked, what do you mean, here at school or on this world?
I answered with on this world
He said he was scared
I was scaring him
He didn’t know what to say
He asked me if I was talking about suicide
I told him no
He asked me if I was telling him the truth
I lied and said yes
I was thinking about suicide
There was a whole 40 minutes from the time that I left my friend and walked to his door
In that time, I had walked to the river and […]
Tag:
Truth
I wear upon myself a suite
A cloak, disguise to hide the truth
where fragile broken pieces lay
Of which I find myself today
I lay inside a maze of lies
in which I’ve told to keep disguised
the truth that hides behind the man
is not who they all think I am
the maze I’ve built in self defence
has now become a life sentence
its filled with demons kept inside
of all the things that I despise
there is no way to hear my plea
in which I wish to be set free
instead I get, eternity
With the troubles that I hide
My […]
I am a recent college graduate. I want to go on Facebook, and message this person from my year, and tell her that my life has been a lot of bullshit since graduation. I know this is a bad idea for a number of reasons. I just really want someone to tell me that their life has been a lot of bullshit as well. I just want to make a connection with someone. In truth, I have two good friends, but they don’t like to listen to my problems. They also spend most of their time absorbed in video games, and while I am a […]
It’s been basically a year now. Since I was on this site. I’ve heard many stories of loss and divorce from so many people. Yet none of them seemed to hurt as much as I felt just a year ago. In a year everything can change in a heartbeat. Sometimes for the better. Sometimes maybe not. But in the end change is a matter of life and you can’t shy away from it. If right now you are feeling desperate or in despair. Just think of it as a tunnel. I know you’ve heard of it before. Or you’re saying to yourself but you don’t […]
Dear whomever this may concern, or those who may care,
You are probably wondering right now what you may have done to prevent this or if you even could. The answer is maybe, thought probably not, this decision in the end will be all mine and not yours, so no, it was probably going to happen eventually. I know that you are probably asking yourself why? Well, that is a very easy question to answer. It is because no matter how much people love you and try their best to give you solace, it is not enough to satisfy someone if they feel utterly alone in […]
I’ve been suicidal for so many years, I’m pretty much not even hiding it, yet nobody fucking care, I can tell you that. When I first decided I wanted to end with life, I was like “ok I’m done with life, maybe I can just have fun before I do”, that resumed playing video games day and night, and staying locked up in my bedroom at least I was having fun. Only getting out at night to eat when I know my parents are asleep. This dragged on and on always like “let’s do that one more day”. I live on the day by day […]
Every night I hope that the next day will be better, that the girls who think they are popular will back off and leave me alone, that they will except me for who I am. But no, they keep coming back with meaner responses, and meaner comments. They tell me to go kill myself, they tell me that I will never be loved. One of them acted like she was my friend, she found out who I had feelings for and told everyone and anyone. They are on my soccer team, I recently got into a fight with one of them, I won, but […]
so this is my first post on this site, im not really sure what im expecting from it, iv been in counseling for 2 years and i have gotton worse i have severe clinical deppresion and its feeling like something i will never get rid of more and more each day, truth is im tired, of feeling like i want to die, of talking about ways to cope and what triggers my deppresion when theres nothing left i havent thought or said before, ive attempted suicide in december, and still my only regret is that i hadnt succeeded, there have been some difficult situations […]
Hi. This is my first time ever posting to this site or anything like this site. I found this site doing research for my suicide, but I’ve come back multiple times just to read the posts because it seems that there are people here I can identify with.
So I suppose that I should tell my suicide story? I will try, but it’s not much of a story. It’s nothing compared to some of the things I read here, or see and hear at school. I know I have no right to feel the way I do, but that knowledge doesn’t change what I feel, it […]
It’s petrifying how little from the world truly exists: only the now.
Such a narrow flickering glimpse.
The past is memory. The future is simulation. And they are both occurring in the now, the recalling of the memory, the playing of the simulation. Aren’t they?
But the mind refuses to admit it. The mind finds this microscopic now terribly boring. How can you compare this skimpy moment to the vastness of the past and the future? it asks.
First, I was going to start off with a response to Laura22:
I found this excerpt online:Â Â Obsession is when you cannot function as a person on a daily basis without thinking about an object of affection. Love is mutually supportive, caring, and giving.
I wanted to explain. Â I have always been in love with her, but the obsessiveness didn’t kick in until some time later. Â About a year after I believe. Â And I still believe that it’s love even now. Â It’s just that the obsessiveness is present as well. Â I don’t enjoy admitting that I am obsessive. Â It hurts coming from other people, even if it is […]
i run from the blackness i keep trying to complete my task
your’e so hard to love i keep trying i sware to you i do
i keep laughing at all the bad things i’ve done and what i will do
why is the darkness chasing me
why do i keep losing my bereath
the ground cracks and crumbles beneath my feet
i fall and fall then i hit somthing it go’s right through me
what has happened to me
my eyes open it was just a dream but my bed is soaked with blood
there is a man by my bed he steps into […]
I am gay
I am Christian
I am in the closet with my family
I moved countries to put distance between us so I don’t have to face up to the truth.
I entered into a civil partnership
The lies are getting more and more
I am tired of christians who hate me for something I have not chosen
I don’t want to go to hell.
I have lost all hope
I want to die…….
There is so much I want to say but so little words that could describe how I feel (and have been feeling for the past few years.) The ones that immediately come to mind include: Tired, apathetic, and hopeless.
I am generally thought of as a happy person because I am always seen smiling whether I’m at work or at school. It’s even to the point that people always laugh at me for smiling so much. The truth is I hate it. I hate smiling, I hate laughing because I just don’t want to. Why should I have to anyways? Â My school life is a mess […]
We were playing truth or dare last night, then moved on to dare, or double dare?
Its finally my turn, i say: “zanders, dare, or double dare?” “Double dare”, he replies back to me.
“Alexander, I double dare you, to give me your eternal soul.” Gladly, he reaches for my hand, so i cut his, then mine, then we shake. Just like that, I gained his soul, poor guy was willing to give it out, if only he knew what it meant.
Saturday’s, because they are my day off, seem like my day to post on this thing. I only have like three posts so far, but I feel drawn back to this place. Its a place for my tough thoughts that no one else wants to listen to. ..
Just reading the last post was almost to much for me because the person reading it was very angry about their situation saying *** you to everyone and saying they want everyone to suffer as much as they. How ironic that they are crying for help, but at the same time snarling that that. I understand it all […]
“some gaddamn time…a man’s due t’ stop arguin’ with hisself. feelin’ he’s twice the gaddamn fool he knows he is….’cos he can’t be somethin’ he tries to be every gaddamn day without once gettin’ to dinner time and not fuckin’ it up….i don’t wanna fight it no more. understan’ me charlie? an’ i don’t want you pissin’ in my ear about it. can you let me go to hell the way i want to?”
—wild bill hickcock, deadwood.
that’s the second to last post on my facebook page. Â only one person got what i was saying. but it was only after another conversation that it […]
So i’ve been posting on here for a while. Â I hope no one is getting annoyed with me. Â I just write and write. Â But it gets my feelings out, and to people who understand.
My doctors appointment is tomorrow. Â And I promised myself and distant.road that I will tell the truth. Â Which scares me witless. Â Because the truth is I am questioning whether to be here and the truth is I am hurting myself throughout the day every day and the truth is if I had the means today I would probably end it.
And I know what she will say. Â And I know what I say […]
Here we are again.
i thought i was number one,
But now i have a chance to be a black widow on your wall.
i listen in every now and,
then when your about to cry,
Your deppresion has blinded you,
from what you need the most.
i’m supposed to be your host,
but its seems i’ve dissapeared.
the important thing is to remember,
i am always here.
i listen in every now and then when you scream,
though it looks like i m still,
as if i was serene.
your noise shakes my webs,
that i have spun neatly just for you.
I’m new to this. I’ve been researching things concerning suicide. I’ve been depressed for 2 years. I have no friends. And Im ugly,and no one likes me. I’m not saying that just to make myself feel bad, it’s the truth. If I could, I would type 100 facts about no one does.this is my only post on here. Because today is my last day to live. I can’t take it no more. I blame it all on school. All i asked for was to be homeschooled, but…looks like no one listened. Good bye fellow “friends” enjoy this so called “wonderful” life. Peace.