So I admitted to my sister yesterday that I need mental help. I’ve been trying to deal with my depression and anxiety myself, but this week has been one long, constant breakdown. I heard a train go through town yesterday and my first thought was, “I wish I was there to jump in front of it.” And I realized I’m not strong enough to handle it myself anymore, if I ever was.
Tag:
trying
I feel like I’m being a fake person. Now that I’ve started to do my work, trying to focus more and do what is “expected” of me. I go to class, I do my homework. The problem is, I’m not 100% into it. No matter what I’m doing, I find myself wondering why I even bother doing anything. I feel like it’s too late to bring my grades up (it’s past midterms) and I’m failing two out of four classes as a junior college student. I don’t know how to come back from that. I’m scared to talk to my professors about it because I’m […]
I feel so tired. I have been suicidal ever since I can remember. However, in recent years I have been distracting myself from these thoughts by trying to convince myself that life is better than the alternative. I would always tell myself “I’m going to try living to the fullest today. I can always die tomorrow.” There are days when this works and there are days when it doesn’t. I feel tired because I have to continuously keep convincing myself that life is worth living. Its been almost two years since I started living this way and I’m still not fully convinced of it.
I have this friend, for privacy reasons I’ll call her Jane.
Jane victimizes herself. If you don’t know what that mean, it basically means that in any situation she is always the victim. She’s the one who’s been wronged and she’s never wrong. Of course, that isn’t true, we’ve ALL been wrong at one point or another, but she just won’t admit it.
So at the moment we’re in a huge fight, and I really want to remain being friends with her, but she’s driving me insane. I have explained so many times why I’m mad, and she just doesn’t ‘get it’. She keeps telling me I’m […]
It’s been a long time since I was last here. About a year and half, to be exact. I thought I was really getting better but in the last few months, everything seems to be spiraling down again. I’ve read that it’s therapeutic to write about it, so hopefully this will help me.
In July, my boyfriend of seven months, Alex, broke up with me. He was everything I had wanted in a person and I woke up everyday with an overwhelming amount of happiness that I thought the years of suicidal thoughts and depression were finally leaving my mind.
If only I knew how wrong I […]
“A Broken Jar”
So here goes,
One last letter now. One last attempt to make sense.
Who have I been writing to? I’m not sure anymore.
What have I been trying to accomplish?
It’s a mystery, I guess. Self-made secrecy.
Things get cloudy and now all these stories and
The struggle as an undercurrent, both get blurry by the minute both get blurrier.
So, which voice is this then that I’ve been writing in? Is it my own or his?
Has there ever been a difference between them at all?
I don’t know I don’t know.
One last desperate plea. One last verse to sing.
One last laugh […]
I have felt all day like I needed to cut or do something to make me feel better, the feelings and thoughts are making me feel like I have no where to go and no one to talk to..I keep it bottled up and I keep to myself and now I am trying to make it through the day and all I want to do is hurt myself. I feel like I am pathetic and a looser. I just need someone to talk to… is there anyone out there? or am I just trapped in the dark….
If memories only serve a catalyst for misery and my future is bleak?
There is nothing, my anxiety destroys any prospect I would ever have. Are some destined to exit early? I find myself asking this question a lot. Very little makes me genuinely happy, I’m never safe in my own skin. It’s sad to say I feel the most comfortable and at home when I am alone. How pathetic my life has become. So many mistakes I have made, I wish I owned a fucking time machine (I’m sure a lot of people think that). Being haunted everyday with no ability to make new memories […]
i dont have much time left. so i think im going to try and enjoy the time i have left, try and drown out all the bad stuff, talk to my friends, whatever. ill still keep trying to look for a job, but i doubt ill get one at this point. its almost over just 2 more weeks. i hope something good will happen, but i know it wont. thats ok ill be ok ijust have to pretend like its not happening for a while and then it will be over.
I had an account on here before, which I started a few months back. A little over a month ago, I had an extremely bad breakdown that lead me to attempt suicide (I had been thinking of it for awhile but many little things pushed me to it). I posted on here to say goodbye to everyone and apologize for wasting their time in reading my posts and trying to help me. I didn’t see any way in my life recovering, since the stack of shit just kept getting bigger and masked the few good things I had left. I was obviously unsuccessful in my […]
Where do i start, my life has not been the easiest in terms of growing up. I’ve had problems from all fronts from varying categories. This list of problems I manage to put off everyday, just trying to ignore this world on my shoulders as I go to school and pretend to be happy with people I pretend to be friends with. My life in public is but a mask to hide my face covered in years of abuse and hardships. This list manages to grow with my best efforts of keeping the problems down, and it seems with every jab at the list that […]
Why is it so hard to get mental help when you need it? I’m a college student with parents that don’t know that anything’s wrong, and $10 to my name.
I started going through what I needed to do to prepare to commit suicide…one of my friends caught on and told me maybe I should go get help. I said I would do it for her. It’s been an uphill battle trying to find someone to take my insurance, and being able to get an appointment. Most places don’t take appointments for the intake paperwork, so I have to miss a whole day of class for […]
I thought maybe over time I could forget about him. Just distract myself until I forgot. But it’s not even been 3 months since he left and now I’m just empty.
I feel nothing for anyone or anything. I don’t get irritated when customers complain at work . I don’t get mad over things that I’d usually be pissed off at.
I can’t even cry. I mean, I do the motions, but no tears come. I finally told my best friend this, just to let her know what was going on. Then she tells me that she had been hospitalized a year ago for trying […]
day two, figured I should try a second post just to get out there again. Appreciate all the support from people. Today is a little better, still feel like someone pissed in my cheerios but still better than yesterday. Don’t feel as bad as yesterday and can focus on my work a bit more. Still just feels like same shit different day though but I’m trying to work on it.
I’m a loving husband and father. After taking an a antidepressant and subsequently stopping it a matter of weeks later I developed a rare physical condition for which prognosis is dubious and treatment is extremely painful. It has interfered with EVERY aspect of my life and is debilitating both physically and mentally.
I was negligently put on a benzodiazepine which I’m trying to taper off and is proving difficult, it’s destroyed my health. I have fought this for over a year via physical therapy and various different forms of medication. I look and feel awful, I have had to move in with my parents and can […]
I feel like I’m done with life. I can’t go on beyond this anymore.
I’m a 24 year old guy. I’m severely depressed. I’ve never in my life had a girlfriend, and it looks like this is my life. I’ve always been too shy and socially awkward and I basically can’t approach girls and don’t know how. And I’ve also been rejected by the handful of girls I’ve approached. I don’t bother trying anymore. I’m sure that even online dating won’t work for me, so I haven’t tried it. Besides, who wants to date a depressed suicidal person anyway? The irony in all this is that […]
What i have realized in the recent past, is simply that i am a needless person wasting the space in this shitty (for me) place, known as the earth. And I can prove my point to you.
Firstly i hate the society and humans who all of them selfish and hypocrites. They follow the same rules (trying being cool, have a nice appearance only to be liked be others and hiding their true character) because this is the only way to be accepted. I am not interested in to meet new people anymore and i hate speaking to them because i waste my time for […]
Growing up i had a really rough life. i was never happy, even as a kid. i have thought about killing myself before, many times actually, and i have tried once before but i stopped myself. I try to stay happy but it is really hard for me. i have been through a lot. my family has put me through a lot, my old friends have put me through a lot. i am trying so hard to be happy. i am 18 years old and i feel so broken and destroyed. my family has destroyed me. i break down everyday and i just find it […]
I feel awkard, because I’m drunk. I can’t cope with the love I feel for you. I just can’t. BEcause you’re a good person. The kind of person I’d like to meet. The kind of person I’d like to know. But the kind of person I won’t know. The kind of person I can’t know. And I’m just feeling… I can’t stand it anymore. Loving people that can’t and won’t love me back. Loving people I see so much beautiful things, but who won’t see it too. I just can’t. I know my grammar’s not perfect, sorry dudes, I’m drunk. Tomorrow, I’ll see you and […]
Been a while since I posted here… I bought a gun I put it in my mouth and I wanted to pull the trigger but I couldn’t. Anyway at that point I started to see the lighter side of things and now I’m back to the dark and I’ve hit deep space black hole dark. I got a loan for 2500 a month and a half ago and my intention was to go see a woman in Canada that I used to mess around with… You know because we both still have feelings for each other. Well I blew that money at a strip club. […]