every thing I do for myself to show my family I’m doing better isn’t good enough. They always tell take it step by step but once I make alittle progress with my anxiety they say “that’s nothing, do *this or that* and maybe I’ll be impressed” they don’t see how hard I’m trying.  they can’t see that I’m doing my best to  get better. They’re only making it worse. I can’t take it anymore it’s been like this for months.
Tag:
trying
This is my first post so hey,
Imagery is a weird thing isn’t it?
Since I was 13 I’ve had that sort of ya know emoish look about me, listened to the music, wore the eyeliner, all that sort of stuff. At that time people couldve somehow assumed, because of this “image”, that I was rebellious, depressed and suicidal. But what’s ironic is at that time when I was going through that sort of “phase” none of that applied to me in the slightest. You could say I was one of the most friendliest, world loving emos our there aha.
I was “a goth” before my dad got […]
This pain is unnatural, a form of devious evil. It laughs with its twisted and corrupted face. Tears are trying to draw the pain away, create a smile – which fails.
Will I die soon, is it coming closer, will my heart give in to the pressure. Physical pain; please leave – set me free.
Remove my wings but let my worn out body breathe and ascend again.
Let my demise be painless, until you plunge me down.
Into the abyss.
Hi guys, I haven’t written anything on here for a long time, mainly because there was some idiot ruining it but hopefully he’s gone now.
Does anybody else on here have the fear of being happy?  Like when something good happens, all I can think is “Where is this gonna go wrong?  Something bad is going to happen” all the time!  Nothing good can just happen without something going wrong.  Recently I’ve had a lot to be happy about.  Things like passing my college course, getting a new dog, my football is going extremely well and it looks like I have a girl in my life for […]
Life is really , weird , I’m done with with everything . It’s just over , dealing with this shit has made me sick , it feels worse , I’ve lost all my interest in every single damn thing , dealing with the shit your parents are giving u … I don’t understand what the hell is wrong with me ,, this shit is over man , suicide is the only option left maybe.Today I stood at the end of the Cliff , nd yelled loudly . I just wanned to jump off it nd wanted to feel the warm blood […]
I am hopeless, I have no way out, no where to go. I have tried to get help over and over and over and over and over only to be rejected by the 2 people I am trying to get help from. I stopped working last August. I just couldn’t go on anymore. I have a bachelors of science. Against all odds I make something out of myself professionally. But it has done me no good. I still carry the trauma. I absolutely have no friends and no family. I am completely isolated, some days I think I will lose my mind from the isolation. […]
all of my life i have felt really dumb and i didnt know what to do.it got worst in fifth grade people bullied me and made fun of me i really didnt understand why… until one day i couldnt take it anymore thats when self harming came in…. for three full years i have self harmed and it is very hard to stop. i finally 3 months ago.i never have ben this happy.all of my life…… i was a depressed little girl until 3 months ago.im set free. finally i know why i was depressed because of my past and what i have seen.from a […]
Does anyone happen to know of a forum or chat site where we can discuss methods openly? I’m trying to figure out a way that’ll be relatively painless and not cause much of a mess. I’d like very much to go out in the comfort of my own home but without ruining the upholstery, and if it looks accidental then so much the better 🙂
Well ive been here almost a month. I found this sight to realy help me.
But yea here is my full introduction.
Hi my name is julien nicholas vetter. Im a 15 year old boy I live in south africa. Johannesburg, Â guateng. im a musician and play almost all instruments.
I cut myself very often. I am a honors in math, science, home economic, Â and creative writing (poetry).
And ive found no reason any more to continue.
Ive attempted suicid many times. And I ran away from home many more times.
Im sick of life. I often think life made as a si k joke when it got bored. And said […]
You know the feeling when you get dumped for the first time. That feeling you get where your heart and your head are in a vice and your on the edge all the time between crying. That’s how I feel all the time.
I’m years old 27, and I don’t have any clear path yet in mind. I have a job where I can work and maintain an apartment but besides that my life is empty, I wouldn’t say empty so much as void. I think of fight club a lot the part where he says everything is just a copy of a copy of a […]
Here I am, once again, depressed. Reality finally caught me and punched me hard in the face. But this time, I have nobody to talk about it. I’m so complicated, people get sick and tired of me. I mean, people don’t really care for me. And when there’s someone who actually does, I wish that person didn’t. It’s stupid isn’t it? I need help, but I push aside everyone who tries to help. And I say “tries” because I’m such a fucking mess and I’m the only one who understands myself, and still, I can’t figure out who am I. And if I can’t figure […]
Everyone is getting sick of me.
I’ve been in the exact same state since my breakdown over a month ago. I’ve made no progress. If anything I’m worse.
I’m trying so hard but I can’t move on. I hurt so much. People are sick of dealing with my weakness and I don’t blame them, I just don’t know what else to do. I need help pretty much 24/7. I’m a mess.
If I don’t talk to people, I feel worse and so lonely. But they’re tired of dealing with my issues.
I’ve had my exit planned for a while now. It’s all there and ready […]
I really feel ashamed for saying I was about to commit suicide in previous posts, I mean, I found Suicide Project about one year ago and at that time I was more caught in despair rather than feeling really really suicidal, probably the you guys don’t even remember me (I’m just one of the thousand unhappy wretcheds), but if you did you’d say I was just trying to get somebody’s attention by saying I was gonna push a knife into my belly (what just ended up in tears).Of course, I’m going to kill myself, I didn’t change my mind but you more than anyone know […]
I’ve started on an antipsychotic to tone down my high anxiety levels, but they make me feel so sleepy and sedated I can’t do anything but sleep. This is probably a good thing because its a nice blackout from reality, but it means I have more moments in the day where I ‘wake up’, and waking up is the worst. I feel so low all the time; my family keep thinking i’m ‘making progress’ but I still feel exactly the same about everything. I still think about how I need that final end, that there isnt any other option for me. I’m only doing these […]
I used to love the night because I could just sleep and forget everything for a while. But now, the silence and the insomnia, it forces me to focus on things I’m trying to forget. Sometimes  I try and figure out how my life spiralled into such a mess.
Well, for some unknown reason I am just so deeply sad tonight and the tears are flowing. I am leaving early tomorrow morning to make the 5 hour drive from PHX to L.A.  ….. Perhaps I should just keep on driving and make that visit to the GGB………yep…..it’s a bad one tonight….where is the positive energy I’ve been trying to offer on SP…..it sure isn’t with me tonight.
My heart hurts from all the pain, so much that every beat leaves me with a sense of fatigue. Im just so tired of it all. I feel like its just me here alone looking inside myself trying to find something but the room is getting darker. i need some light.. some hope so my heart could medicate. Its been through so much trauma dont know how much more of it my heart could take.
It’s been while since last post. I have been trying to keep myself a little hope that everything goes better but it is just fucking big lie. I dont know anymore who I am . Feels just whole time that this is a nightmare. Back in time I was very socially but now just shy and most likely I just want to be in home where I am safe but same time afraid. when i look outside of window for people’s talking each other or running all over the places i Think how they survives whit black in their mind’s and why i just get […]
Do you ever get the angry side of being suicidal ? i was just surrounded by people telling me that i’m perfectly fine and theres nothing wrong, the same people who spoon feed me the pills that are designed to basically make you humble in your intolerable situations, and they laugh and poke you as if waiting for a punchline in some massive bloody joke.
my mind instantly went to that place, which most of us probably call home, and i thought.
if i’m willing to end my own life in the most brutal of ways
then what’s stopping me from massacring my current tormentors ?
its a little […]
How am I?
Funny how no one really asks you that question because they assume that you are fine when in reality you are breaking and crumbling every day and no one notices.
Weird how the fact that, that I’m the first person to ask How I am in some time.
How am I?
Broken.
Shattered.
In pain.
I get more nervous now so I bite my lip, but sometimes it makes it bleed.
I lick my lips a lot more too to try and calm myself down, but sometimes it doesn’t work.
I breathe faster now trying to control my anxiousness around triggers.
Normally […]