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I feel dead, physically, being so tired, can barely stay awake, and being in so much pain that I can barely move. I fear losing my jobs even though my bosses of one job work in another location from me now, but I know I’m dozing off all the time. It takes 2 muscle relaxers now to get any effect, and I’ve barely touched them. Remember, I asked for the rx to kill myself initially, but since I’m not just yet, I’ve used them sparingly. My back hurts worse than ever, my legs hurt like hell, my knees hurt like hell, the bottoms of my […]
I use my Instagram account for posting all my poems, quotes, and writings. And so in my post today, I asked whether I should publish the book I’m working on, then this account who had the same theme commented for me to do it and she just started to compliment all my works and I thanked her. Then, she asked me if I wanted to be her internet friend, and I couldn’t be more ecstatic, I’ve finally gained something out of a loss. We just started to share things about ourselves till’ we wrote each other poems about meeting each other. Then she asked me […]
My friend has been through a lot two years ago he moved to Louisiana and when he was over there a lot of things happened to him he’s suicidal and depressed he feels so much pain everyday and I hate it he’s mad for things that happened over there where he used to live I really want to help him but he tells me that he can’t forget about everything that happened he’s addicted to cutting but I’m not there when he’s cutting so how can I stop him I want him to be happy and not feel this pain I get so mad because […]
I’ve thinking about this lately. I do it because the physical pain destructs me from everything else, but this girl I was talking to the other day said she used it as an outlet for her anger. Just curios to know what other people’s motives were.
So this guy I started talking to and that liked me told me he’s falling in love with his girlfriend again ok so I bet your confused so his girlfriend lives in Louisiana where he used to live but he moved back to his home town I knew him since 5th grade so he’s falling in love with his girlfriend again I feel so stupid for trusting him he was my first kiss but Im not sure if I regret it I told him so much about me how I was depressed and that I cut and he was depressed too and cut I actually […]
Just a rant…
Living in South Korea right now, and one thing I noticed is that this place will literally suck the ambition, desire – any sort of force that drives me forward in life – out of me. I hate this place, and I have to stay here another 3 months before I can even think of moving to another place.
I used to have dreams, have a heart full of things I wanted to do. Plans to do those things, the WILL to do those things…
But…it’s something about this country. The lifestyle here…Maybe it’s just me that can’t get used to it or, […]
I keep getting these thoughts to just end it.. I don’t feel like I should be here at all. All of these thoughts are fucking me up & I feel like I’m just drowning. I want them to go away, but they never do. I’ve tried to be happy; I watch JackSepticEye as a source of release, you know? And during those time periods, I feel ..happy, to an extent. But after those, when I’m just sitting alone, I get these thoughts: “Is it even worth it?” “No one actually cares, you know” “You’re just a piece of shit.” “Just try taking the pills one […]
Im a sophomore in college. Please excuse the lack of correct punctuation and grammar because I really dont care.
First my parents are having problems. My dad was an alcoholic when i was younger now he quit drinking but is verbally abusive to my mother which may cause them to divorce.
Its hard to focus in classes because im depressed so my grades are reflecting this.
I had a friend that dumped me over me finally putting boundaries down so she couldnt use me anymore, this same girl sees the same therapist i see. She dumped me as a friend when i wouldn’t upgrade her computer to windows […]
I recently ended up moving in with my dad who hasn’t been in my life for 7 years because my mother kicked me out after I attempted suicide in July. She likes to believe that my entire depression that I’ve had for 3 years has been fake. Being with my dad is definitely better than being with my mother… except I feel like I’ve screwed up his life now. He isn’t used to living with his kids and isn’t used to spending money on anyone but himself so I get in a lot of crap for being expensive. I think about trying again everyday. But […]
…you are in love with a girl and you know that you will never be able to do anything with her because you are the ugly, short idiot that nobody cares about? I am so depressed and desperate all the time because of that and because i know that i will be alone forever. I feel terrible so much that i lock myself in my room and i hate everyone. I don’t want to speak to anyone… i was starting to get used to the fact that i am unattractive and that i will never find the special one but now… now i feel so […]
there’s no way that you are stuck on me like you used to be
and we never wade out too far till the skin begins to scar
to disappear without any trace
to open my eyes and see only your face
and to never be away from your side
wish we were so gone
stuck on these and your wide open seas and we never wade out too far till the skin begins to scar
warm lunar pole breezes here will keep us fine again
warm lunar pole breezes to the end
after light when we’re on our own and they slip on by
i had to […]
I don’t really know what to say or do anymore as I have given up on life and I am ready to die. Not to mention I believe in nothing so I don’t really care where I will go or what I will end up going through. I don’t think i have ever had a real friend in this life of mine or someone who actually cares about me. I have been used and hated along with being shit talked throughout my high school years and I have not seen a change yet as I am now in the 12th grade. Why should I bother […]
My friends found out I was depressed but haven’t done anything about it and barely even acknowledge it. I absolutely can not stand when they used the word depressed or bipolar to describe how they are feeling when they will never feel what it’s like to have a mental illness as horrible as depression. Here I am they’re best friend suffering in silence and they just laugh at the word I can’t stand it
So… i love a boy… but in the last 2 weeks and even today…
He’s causing so much pain in me…
And i’m standing here knowing i have to make a choice…
A girl, is sleeping in his apartment, she’s the type of girl that dates a different guy every month…
I really don’t like her
I want to trust that he will not cheat on me…
But i simply can’t do it, this is killing me everyday…
When i thought everything was going to get better…
It got a lot worst instead…
I’m so frustrated with all that…
I’m trying to be sober and all that […]
Thats not a typo. Its something my grandpa used to say and I would try to answer it for hours. Some things have no answer. Sometimes no matter how hard you try you will never get the desired results. Somethings make no sense. Im tired of trying to find an answer and am now content just letting things be. Im in a rough spot right now, worse off than ever. I havent given up yet. Gimme another week though and we’ll see if I still have the strength to carry on.
i cant speak. everytime someone trys to get me to talk about my feelings i choke on my words. I’ve always kept my emotions in i guess i got used to not talking about them. someties its just random things like about my day or whatever its hard. i start to breath heavily and i get scared then wont say anything. my best friend ariana gets mad when i do that but i cant help it!
Today, i’ve tried to hang myself…
I think i’m gonna try again once i’m drunk enough, i don’t know if this is a cry for help…
Or maybe is just a warning… Fuck it
i’ve tried, i think i’m gonna hang myself in a sheet…
i’m drinking right now, smoking…
today i’ve used 1,5g of coke…
i’m feeling like i don’t have a place here, i think i am a problem…
no one cares, i just want to die…
i don’t want to be a deception anymore…
i’m sitting here for hours and crying… sip by sip… cigarette after cigarette…
my neck hurts from my […]
I’ve attempted suicide 6 times in the last year. The pills are sitting next to me for tonight.
I became suicidal many years ago. I can’t remember quite when. I never acted until this year though.
I started self harming after my fourth attempt. I’m 57 days clean. The blade sits next to me as well, ready to be used.
My family hates me and I have no friends. There is no point for me living anymore. I don’t see why I hold on.
I recently stopped taking my medication. I just flush it down the toilet every morning. The medication makes me feel numb anyway.
I’m so broken I […]
Does anyone else have something good happen in their life, then feel guilty for being happy? I’m so used to, and “comfortable,” with that depressed feeling that I feel bad being happy. Depression, or whatever the fuck this is, sucks. I’ve been so selfish to the people that love me. And I know it… But I can’t seem to change my mindset. I just drink and drink and drink. Idk. I’ve tried the pills, the therapy, even the suicide. My thoughts are so jumbled. I wanted to post a well thought out, analytical post… But I’m too buzzed I guess. And too jumbled :/ I […]