I don’t really know what to say or do anymore as I have given up on life and I am ready to die. Not to mention I believe in nothing so I don’t really care where I will go or what I will end up going through. I don’t think i have ever had a real friend in this life of mine or someone who actually cares about me. I have been used and hated along with being shit talked throughout my high school years and I have not seen a change yet as I am now in the 12th grade. Why should I bother moving on any longer? I have nobody in this world and I will most likely die by myself in front of my computer screen that I am constantly on 24/7 so I can try and escape from reality and this so called place called earth. I became more and more depressed as the days go on and I have now been like this for several months. You don’t know how many times I have been asked for money or this or that and I also know when you get older you begin to finally understand how the real world works.
I remember once telling this girl about how I was suicidal and how I was constantly fighting depression since I trusted her I told her my true feelings. I have kept my secret for so long but I felt like I had to tell someone, I guess I was crying for help. My point is when I told her she responded saying “oh, I’m so sorry I hope you feel better.” That was all she said to me, she obviously doesn’t give a fuck and that was the last thing she has ever told me and doesn’t bother talking to me. What is really sad is that I have known her for so long too. At the end of the day you need to realize that people don’t care about you as they only care about themselves. Nobody ever cared about me and they never will, I was always used and probably always will be. One of these days I will off myself, especially if I end up not graduating on stage with my class. I promise you I will fucking leave this world including everyone and everything around me if I don’t.
1 comment
Forget about trying to relating to people in the world when it comes to dark subjects and cold, harsh reality type content. People in the real world need to be engaged superficially for the most part, but that doesn’t mean they can’t satisfy you intellectually. There’s nothing wrong with casually associating with people who love and care for you, but when they’re on an intellectual strain, try and prod them on their thoughts some more until a fruitful conversation comes about. As for the soul-crushing stuff, you’re going to need to use your computer as a gateway. You can even meet up in the real world with people who you bond and share similar views with online. We’re all so alienated in this world even within the wide vicinities of our daily lives. That is why we’ve come together and we’ll be here for each other until the end. This life is going to be an ugly, pitiful slog for the lot of us; but maybe us tortured souls can discover a higher meaning to life rather than mere conventions for getting on with it. The day we finish will be glorious, when we reach the end of this living marathon and with arms linked together, crawl across the finish line, knowing we are in company with the best of friends, those who were with us through it all, thick and thin.