I recently ended up moving in with my dad who hasn’t been in my life for 7 years because my mother kicked me out after I attempted suicide in July. She likes to believe that my entire depression that I’ve had for 3 years has been fake. Being with my dad is definitely better than being with my mother… except I feel like I’ve screwed up his life now. He isn’t used to living with his kids and isn’t used to spending money on anyone but himself so I get in a lot of crap for being expensive. I think about trying again everyday. But of course I don’t tell anyone because they either freak out or completely think I’m joking. My boyfriend is the only one who knows and made me promise never to try again. How do I keep that promise when it’s all I think about? How mad would he be if I did try… and if I succeeded? The worst part is knowing that people care about you but still feeling like you are nothing but a burden to them. I just can’t help it.
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I believe it’s a very common feeling, to feel like you’re a burden. You should know that you’re not and you did not ask to be born. Your parents decided to have you so they should take care of you. I was in the same situation with my mother not believing my depression. It’s hard to understand because it’s an invisible illness, but you’re suffering and your suffering is real.
It seems your boyfriend really cares for you so hold onto that. Your mind will always try to convince you of the worst but remind yourself it’s not true. I believe it’s about slowly learning to accept who you are and convincing yourself you deserve the love and care you receive.
I hope you feel better.
The worst part of my mother situation is that she worked as a Psych nurse with kids so she should know that depression is very real but anytime I Would be depressed she always threatened me. I’ve kept everything bottled up for so long, it’s like an overflowing emotion now.
My boyfriend does care honestly, I finally opened up to him about how I was feeling and he was actually crying so much because he was scared of what I might do and scared to lose me.
Thankyou so much, I appreciate your comment
Your Dad could have said no. He needs to grow up. Don’t tell him I said this, he’ll just throw a tantrum and shit in his diaper.
Your mom has no problem caring for wacked kids because they aren’t hers. She is such an ass because she thinks your illness reflects on her parenting skills. She needs therapy.
Stop thinking about committing suicide and you probably won’t do it. There are drugs and therapy that are specifically designed to help you stop dwelling on negative thoughts.
Part of getting better involves accepting help. Do it gracefully.
Peace be with you.
I’m trying to get help, I have a really good therapist who I love talking to but it’s very hard to get in to see him unfortunately
Yea!!!
people should never make you promise something that you may not be able to keep. my grandma does that. annoying. as if just saying “i promise” changes everything.
I agree completely. But I understand why he wanted me to promise. He was extremely worried and wanted some kind of comfort. But all I can imagine is how destroyed he would be if I couldn’t keep that promise
HEllo Blondewig. Tiz very contradictory isn’t it, when folk say they care about you but at the same time you feel a burden to them. It all goes around and around, I know.
Methinks it is you who needs the comfort, to feel safe, to be safe, and I agree with vc333 about the ‘promise’. Having to give boyfriend the promise, to give him comfort, is part of you feeling a burden to him? Are you able to … rise above that? Difficult to explain. Be like a bird in a tree, look down on the two of you, and think about what is being said to who and why?