Expressing my feelings has always been
hard for me, mostly because i don’t even understand myself. One day i can feel really happy and then others i can feel like ending my life. Does anyone else feel this way? I can’t take feeling this way anymore its like a constant never ending battle in my head…I hate myself sooo..much. I would end it all but i know my little brother would be devistated if i was gone. And i would never want to hurt my brother..i would never want him to feel like me. Thats why i always put on my fake smile when i’m […]
I just want her to make it go away.
The longer I live, the more I can’t help but think about how everything has the same fate. There’s a beginning, middle and end. From a term in school, a job, relationship, trip to the doctor’s office and even life. Nothing is forever, but plenty of things appear like they should last that long.
Life is composed of all these short lived events. One after another. They all bring different emotions. I want to know which ones are the best experiences that make you want to hang on for another chapter of life?,
Hey…Can somebody help me? 🙁
I’m sorry if I’m bothering any of you…I’m new here
Ok so, where should I start? :/ I’m 15 years old… I have everything, a loving family, friends…I shouldn’t be complaining at all. I’m sorry, some people don’t have any of that. 🙁 The thing is…I don’t have anyone to talk to about my problems, it’s like no one is listening. Â I love smiling…and laughing, but sometimes it gets too hard and I want to leave, disappear. I’m a failure, I fail at everything I do. I feel so sad when I look at my mum, because I’ll never be the daughter […]
Honestly though, is life really worth it. Constantly being judged and having to go get hair cuts, ugh so much work. I would rather just skip school and watch American Horror Story all day, am I right? Exactly, but that’s not how life works. We need to work for what we have. I am 14 for crying out loud and I am terrified of the future. I have a shitty job at Tim Hortons and get $10 an hour to pour coffee and listen to all my customers ***** and complain that there no donuts and I forgot a spoon with their sandwich, I know right […]
i hung in there with you through thick and thin..you threw me away now im the one thats left wondering why and what i did so wrong for you to walk away like what we had meant nothing to you.
you are just like the rest taking what you want and giving nothing, i actually loved you so fucking much it hurt me everyday.
why cant i just be accepted or find happiness i cant remember the last time i smiled and meant it..ah well the world wont have to put up with me for much longer!
Last week I felt pretty bad, and for some reason I asked my crush of a couple years ago why she didn’t like me. I know, stupid. But anyways, turns out her cousin which I knew as well had a crush on me and that’s why she wouldn’t date me, because she didn’t want to upset her cousin. Wtf? I mean, girls never like me, that’s like general knowledge. And this one damn time it actually happens, it ruins everything. Not that I would want to blame her cousin, she cant control it as much as I cant. But why? Am I so unlucky? Is […]
I am sick of this world. I have so many great things In my life, so many great people but I can’t appreciate them, I can’t even be happy with them, i only cause them pain, so why do I deserve to be here? I see a therapist, he put me on antidepressants and sleeping meds, I hate taking those pills, makes me feel like I’m crazy, everybody asking me how I am, like a child.
My friends are starting to get fed up, they say they arnt but I’m not stupid, I can tell, I am throwing it all away. My family don’t know me […]
Have you ever thought about who you are?
The way you are?
That noone will ever love you because of that? I have. I’ve come to realize that its useless to change things about yourself for others. Whats the point? Arent people supposed to love you despite all your flaws? At least its what I’ve learned from watching television.
I am in my early twenties and never been loved. Trapped in an endless loop of thoughts without an exit. It’s really painfull. I cant look at people sometimes because my mind is telling me what the person is thinking about me, and its never something nice. […]
Sometimes I just wish, I could run away and hide.
No matter where I go though, these feelings stay inside.
How can I stay here and live each day a lie,
When all I want to do is close my eyes and die?
I see the pain I cause you, with every tear I shed.
I plead with you now mum, let me go instead?
I wish I could take you with me, to a happy place,
Whether it exists though, is time for me to face.
Can I ask for your forgiveness? For you to set me free,
It may seem ungrateful, but this […]
I’ve always wanted to have kids someday. Four to be exact. I know what you’re thinking, that’s a lot of kids. Well yes, but I love children and I’ve always wanted to have two of my own and to adopt two. I want to spoil them and love them as much as possible. I want to give them the world! But today, I stopped and I thought about the little boy or girl I’ll bring into this world someday.. and I realized I didn’t want that for them. I dont want want my children to grow up in such an ugly, hurtful world. I never want […]
Well hello there beautiful people of the universe how is everyone doing? It’s been awhile since i’ve been here. My depression started when i was 12ish in 7th grade and i thought i was getting better because i decided that i didn’t want to feel like shit anymore and became positive and i didn’t want to die by eighth grade i was happy or so i thought. Anyways i was good and mentally stable for a whole year before i turned 15 and it all went to shit again. For people who don’t know i got hit by a city bus and you know survived […]
The quote is from a favorite show… it rings true right now.
I can’t see going out in my home and leaving a mess for everyone to clean up. I’ve failed at everything I ever set my hand to do in this life, so I would at least want my death to be beneficial. I would want a good death.
I’m thinking about life insurance policies and how I could go out so there would still be a payout. Maybe vigilante style, and make sure to end up near a hospital so there’s time enough for my organs to be donated.
Honestly I would prefer a heroic death. Charging into bullets, saving somebody, something. Maybe […]
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Think about it. Are the problems that you want to end by suicide that awful and permanent that nothing could alleviate them? Although you may not think so now, you will recover from your problem or problems and live out the rest of your life happily. There are no problems in this world that can be solved by suicide.
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When you are thinking rationally, try to think of solutions to your troubles that are constructive, and that will help ease the hurt you’re going through. The person attempting suicide doesn’t truly want to die — instead they just want the pain to stop.
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If there’s someone who […]
Originally I wanted to post some thoughts on alt.suicide.holiday but I cannot seem to get the narkive account to do anything. Everytime I try to post, I gets 403 error saying there was spam with my post. Oh well, some of the regulars there are a real kick in the pants like The Colonal Eric Paul Burke from Northville, Mi.
What drives me crazy is the perfect conditions that need to be present to take the plunge. If I’m too depressed, there is absolutely no way I can attempt ending it all. If I’m in good spirits, I want to do other things. Its very rare […]
you try to act normal
you don’t want them to know
too ashamed to tell them
you don’t let it show
they think your happy
they think your fine
you try to keep it up
emotions walking the line
you don’t want anyone to ask
yet you wish someone would
you wish someone cared
you wish they could
she doesn’t like you
you don’t blame her though
you don’t like yourself
she still doesn’t know
when they find out
(cant keep it up much longer)
you give in to guilt and shame
and wish you were stronger
I wish…
I want…
I…
You…
It’s complicated…
I only love N… forever <3
I was just wondering. Everytime I tell my closest friend (but this is my view of our friendship) what I am feeling, for example last night, I told him that I felt like complete shit and everyone would go along their merry ways if I die without even caring, he just says, ” If that’s what you think then okay.” And the subject stops there. He quickly jumps to another topic and I assume that he doesn’t really wanna hear what I have to say. I try not to get hurt by his words but I feel like it’s just one bigger proof that even […]
i can never understand why society is that way it is. My mom treats me like she doesn’t even care, im certain by now that i’m just a waste of space. My dad left when i was born but came back a couple years later only to just beat me and yell at me, my brothers and my mom. I struggle in school because i’m bisexual, im supposedly going to burn in hell. No one gives me a chance to get to know me, just one look and it’s obvious  i’m an outcast. I don’t want to fit in with society. I’m not gonna live […]