For a long time I’ve been hanging by a thread. Only here to make my daughters life worth something. Tied here because her dad died of bronchial pneumonia whilst I was pregnant.
Now because I cannot even put food on the table for her, I am having to look for someone who is capable of doing so.
I will be so calm, happy and relieved, at the same time scared, worried and sick that my daughter will have to endure this life with someone she doesn’t know and without both of her parents.
I tried to get a job, none pay anymore. Job centre has […]
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I know a lot of people can feel depressed and don’t necessarily want to deface their body as an escape mechanism. Try writing. That’s what I got into and it helped me so much. I know some people here are a fan of lyrics an relating to them. I have an Instagram account (for now) where I post my stuff. Ill leave one here for you guys to check out for now and if you like it feel free to check out my Instagram 🙂 it’s @_brevity.
Also guys, if you ever just want to chat, go right ahead and message me or email or comment […]
Why does it hurts so much to wake up?
Its because we were having a good dream, or just becuese we return back to life.
Today i woke up and drank the first pill even before breakfast, i headed to the kitchen asking myself if that living full of pills its living at all? Well i took some breakfast and returned ti bed, yes thats where i am, i want to cry and i want to scream, but shhhh, there is more people in the house we are not alone, and as the time go by i still look to the backyard, seeking, hoping to se something […]
I am very sad and I am very scared but I am trying. I don’t know if this site is helpful to me because everyone here is so sad. Which makes sense. But I’m sad too, and no one understands. I’m living with my boyfriend, and every time I tell him about my thoughts and feelings that scare me he gets upset and quiet. He doesn’t want to talk about it, but I need to. I feel like a time bomb. I feel like one day something will happen that I just can’t handle and that’ll be it. I try to think of my little […]
While I was watching this : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j2vg62IuG34
My brain said out of nowhere, “I don’t want to die.” Like, my legit inner voice said that after watching that old man fight “the angel of death”.
Can you believe that? And any other given day, and even today, I don’t care if I live or die. Seriously brain?
I’ve decided that night time often is the worst time of day for me. How cliché – the worst comes with the darkness. I don’t like the dark. I’m sat in it now, with the dim light of my laptop illuminating my typing fingers and not much else. I try to familiarise myself with it, to know that I’m safe in my room when it’s dark just as much as when there is light.
I don’t know why this fear came back. Honestly, I do not understand, I got over my fear of the dark when I was a kid… but this past year or so, […]
I have brilliant friends who are basically family but i cannot tell them what i am feeling and what i do to myself, they wouldnt reject me or anything im sure they would understand but i do not want them to act differently or take pity on me. im the person they speak to about their problems not the other way around.
the pills I take deflect the pain. but it’s only temporarily. the darkness creeps back in eventually. it’s causing me agony.
the withdrawals are so bad
nobody takes me seriously.
when I cry for help, it’s just for a hug. I don’t want your pity, I want your warmth.
the pills saved my life you fucks – they maybe the reason my life ends soon but
they did more for me than any person can
Oh, man… I just want to die so hard tonight.
Why do I remember still? Why can’t I forget? And why do they keep reminding me how useless I am???… I just want to escape everything… be happy and free for once… I don’t care if I fall asleep and never wake up again… in fact, I welcome that..
I’m not sure where to begin, other than to say my life has completely spiraled out of control. And I am beginning to feel too weak to bear this on my own. I have a child and I am trying to keep it together for her, but when u have feelings of despair it is so so hard. Right now I am in therapy and will be seeing my doctor soon to possibly prescribe me for anti depressants. I am taking steps in all the right directions to try and get better. I just don’t know if this is even working. My daughters father, whom […]
It’s Sunday night, and as usual I’m stuck inside. No one trusts me to go out anymore and I always feel as though I’m on lock down. I’m bored. I don’t really want to play video games or watch movies, I have been doing nothing but that for the past month. Hoping some of you out there want to lighten up the mood, weekends are hard for me and apparently that’s not so uncommon. Especially since I know there are things I could be doing but can’t because it’s so hard to travel where I am without a car. I should have asked to get […]
Never ever tell anyone that you’re going to kill yourself. No matter how much you want to. Don’t do it. Just do it unless you’re not certain.
Then be willing to accept what they will do to you in order to ‘help’ you.
Seriously. When you’re as depressed, unable to trust, wounded, afraid, anxious, angry, and lonely as many of us are, can we really be helped by a therapist? I used to think so but it almost seems like it makes things worse because the therapist thinks they want to help but have no idea what they’re in for. Once they find out they can’t handle it and start taking things personally and then react instead of guiding.
I have prevented my self from preparing for my death many times but today it feels stronger. I feel like getting up at this very moment and getting what i plan on using to end myself. I feel sad that this night (or shall I say early morning) could be the moment I final do it. Each time I have these thoughts of preparation I always look online for a place to talk to someone just to know someone is there. I have lost so many friends and just want someone to know what I have been feeling and what I plan to do just […]
Just when I think I’m starting to feel better, like a punch in the face it reminds me how depressed I actually am and that what I really want more than anything is to not be here anymore. These feelings will be here forever
Everything I do is worthless,everything I feel is useless,everything I hope for is always a cruel mirage and my soul is so full of pain I don’t feel like I have any strength anymore to keep forcing myself to live,what for? in the end life just hurts you,people take advantage of you the more sensitive and empathy you feel the worst and unlike they say it never actually gets better is all a lie it just lifts you up with a false pretense to throw you against the ground while it laughs at you and there you go again like a masochist standing up in order […]
I don’t want to do this, nobody understands that. I just want it all to end, all the pain, all the hurt, all the angry. Nothing seems to be getting better.. All my friends and family make me look like a terrible person because how unhappy i am and how much i want to die.. That’s the reason i haven’t done it, i just cant take this anymore and i don’t know whats wrong with me and why i am sad? I hate talking about my feelings because no one knows what to say to me and they all get so mad because i wont […]
So this is life?
This is the great mystery?
When every day is so predictably painful that I see no point in waking again?
What have they told you? That life isn’t fair? They know not the half of it.
Voices. Voices whose mouthes I cannot find speak to me, they speak my mind, my mind, my mind will not stay it’s breath, oh why won’t it let me be?! I cannot think clearly for these clouds of despair block my vision to a brighter tomorrow that they say exists out there.
With every day the same tragedy and the memory of what I used […]
I am a writer, I write poems, short stories, books, songs, etc. I wrote a poem a while back about suicide and self harm. Everybody says it is very beautiful but the content is bad (suicide anx self harm) anybody want to see it?? I will post it if you want to see it. 🙂