my parents gave me the choice to see a psychologist since she noticed I seemed different. I accepted and was all hopeful about things getting better, but now I’m not. she cant take away my coping methods they are fucking mine. I feel so stupid that I wanted help for so long but now that I have it I don’t want it anymore. I wrote a suicide note last night, but im scared since my last attempt failed miserably :(I need to find a way that would guarantee death 🙁
want
im bipolar, scared, lonely, and just want someone to spark up convo with me.
the last strain is called comatose.
I do not want to get too close to the radiation.
a falling astral sound of the heart.
I only pray to one.
Icarus. Can you ever be born again.
I am the only that dies in this world.
I won’t walk again into the shop.
God. Is not just a word.
God, is the Almighty. Turning the word into capital.
The new age. I befall, stricken. Damnation secretly lives.
In front of our eyes. Inside our hearts.
But I just want to breathe. A trio, and all that I can’t do.
My salvation. Under the ocean. Descending.
A magician, there is […]
Don’t know how much longer I can keep deluding myself. So long as I don’t think of my life – or rather lack there of – I just keep on existing, surfing through web, looking at completely inane stuff… Sometimes I read something or see something and though it has nothing to do with me and at times isn’t even all that sad I’ll feel tears welling up in my eyes. Then I’ll find a way to distract myself and pretend all is fine with me again. (Even though every moment I’m awake I know it’s not – I know I’m not alright)
Then my parents […]
I know the difference between what is wrong and what is right. I know what I probably should do and what I choose to still do. I am AFRAID absolutely terrified because there is no real hope this time around. Why can’t anyone hear me or even see that I’m just scared?! I know the mistakes I’m making I know how my current decisions are hurting me. But i’m scared to be happy i’m scared to enjoy life, so scared that I’d rather just die now to avoid it. I don’t want to have a friend that I connect with and have the most awesome […]
I’m stupid to think he would ACTUALLY want me….. WHY? Why does this always happen to me? I can’t even fucking CRY! He won’t talk to me, and he is with a new one. I warned her this time, because that f*cking b*tch is not worth her time. Not worth anyone’s time. He deserves to be alone. Sorry, but you don’t do this kinda crap to ANYONE. And I’m so tired of being used like this! I’m good until you get what you want and then you move on until you’re tired of them. Then where are you? Back to me because they won’t give […]
I’m freaking out. I’m fucking freaking out. I can’t wait anymore. I want her. I want her to want me. Why is she taking so much time ? Why doesn’t she miss me ? Why doesn’t she come back regretting everything and saying I’m the love of her life ? It’s not fair. Stupid shitty life. I don’t deserve this and I’m sick and tired to collapse under your vicious hits. This girl is meant for me and she doesn’t even realize it. She doesn’t even want me. What will I do, alone and miserable in my stupid small apartment. Without her. Without everyone.
I won’t […]
i fought with myself for all of 2 seconds before posting this.
I feel morally corrupt for even doing this but here goes. I found a new site called Lost All Hope. its lostallhope.com.
its supposed to have methods, stats, links and all that good stuff.
I felt like if i posted that here, I’d be giving people the fuel they need to do what they want to do and that it would be all my fault. But i also know how desperate I get when I get in those moods and how I wish someone could point me in that direction. I may or may […]
Every decision that I have made each mistake and failure in my life is floating around inside my head. The fact that i’m emotionally disconnected because I’m terrified of feeling anymore more pain. I don’t want anyone not even my ex and deep down I think I still love him. I still talk to him I still see him and I’m sure that’s a big mistake on my part. But I can’t let go maybe it’s because I’m afraid, maybe I like remembering the good. Its unhealthy I know that, but I seriously think that there is something wrong with me mentally. Is it wrong […]
 I don’t think I want to kill myself quite as badly as I just want to stop participating in modern day life. We go to school, get a job, buy shit we really don’t need, and rarely ask “why the fuck am I doing this”?
If you live in society you need money to pay for essentials like food, shelter and clothing. But do you really need a cellphone, a car, furniture, credit cards, internet access, health care, etc? Is any of that essential for survival? No, but you want it, so you work in order to earn […]
If you can’t trust your own mind, can you really trust anything at all? I live in complete uncertainty, I can’t rely on myself or my own feelings. I constantly feel a whole bunch of nothing, or a whole bunch of everything. One day I’ll be head over heals for someone, and without warning I’ll wake up the next day and the only thing I feel for them is completely platonic, strictly friendly. The only thing I’ve found that feels right in this galaxy of wrong is completely impossible, a slap in the face. I vow never to have feelings for anyone, so why am […]
This has got to stop… the constant depression, self doubt, pain… I don’t know anything beyond pain now, to the point where I wanna cause myself more pain because I just want to hurt as much as possible… I don’t mean a thing in anyone’s life… I can’t do anything for anyone… why am I even here…
Sometimes I feel like killing myself. Other times I feel like my life is perfect and nothing can ever hurt me, but that’s usually just when I’m with my boyfriend. All I know is that no matter what I feel, I always feel like cutting. I guess you could call it an addiction, but it’s kinda just my way of life now. I can’t stop, and if I’m being honest with myself, I’m not sure if I even want to. It’s like breathing to me. If my thoughts begin to overtake my mind, I cut myself and everything gets okay again. I just want to […]
I’ve never imagined I could be as devastated as I am now. I don’t believe in god but as my life progresses it is hard to believe that this amount of bad luck is random.Â
I’m not going to talk about the years of abuse I endured in my childhood or the fact that my mom died when I was four. I won’t go on about my dad’s alcoholism, and after this sentence I won’t mention the blister acne that adorned my face from 12-21. I won’t dwell on the murder of my best friend in high school or my family’s lack of funds. No, those […]
I ruined a friendship with one of my best friends because of work stress and now all I can think about is that I am a huge fuckup and want to die. I don’t even care about the job. I care about my friend. Why do I always get angry and push people away like this? I don’t know what’s wrong with me. It all seems so illogical and distant now.
I can’t ever be happy ever in my life I really just want to kill myself already
“suicide doesn’t kill people, sadness does”
My kik is prefectlybroken504. I need someone to talk to before I walk out my house and go to the nearest bridge and jump. I’m lost and broken and need help picking up the pieces. I don’t want to live but i do. I think my thoughts are getting the best of me. And I don’t know what to do. I’m 22 years old. I’ll be 23 in a few months if I live that long.
The girl that always seems to come back to me one way or another in such a way that i want to control but emotions,memories all coming running back. I cant seem to move on, Ive tried so many times to forget but its not enough time because she comes back to me. Being broken up now for over 5 months, being together for a total of 3 years its hard to just forget someone like that. Are we meant for each other? Its her family that worries me…. They hate me…I don’t want to be hated for feel uncomfortable around them. What do i […]
Days like today make me recount the week that I was hospitalized and my mother was the ONLY person who visited me, aside from my fiancee, who expressed the entire time how much he didn’t want to be there and constantly found excuses to go do stuff somewhere else. I’m so lonely. I’m not sure what it is about me that just repulses people. Nobody acts like they truly want to spend time with me. Right now I’m sitting alone at my kitchen table while I watch all of my fiancee’s friends play the new Mario Kart 8. There’s nowhere for me to sit and […]
To be honest with you, I don’t remember the first time I did it. I never really cut at first.. It was more like scratching. I used to get my key and scratch my arm with it. It hurt… That was all I wanted at the time. That began over a year ago.
Why did I do it, you may ask..? Well I felt so helpless, I had no control over anything in my life and I thought that it would help, but it was more than that too! I felt numb. Nothing made me feel anything, but when I scratched myself, I felt pain… And […]