I just wanted to thank everyone for helping me talk about my problems. No matter how ashamed and embarrased I felt being a 35 yr old man. Crying and sobbing and contemplating killing myself because of a girl that I fell in love with that just threw me away. I want to name names but there are so many that helped. I’m glad all you ppl cared about me. Well I felt that way. As I do you. Thanks also for adding me in the stories as they were fun and funny. They helped feel ok in my darkest of times alone, self sabotaging and […]
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Hello, this is my first post on this site, I’ve seen a few on here and can feel so much of what others have written. I am at the point of trying to figure out what the f the point really is. We live in a very judgmental world, eveyone has opinions of what they think is right and wrong and try and force it on you. I’m tired of seeing all the terrible things we as “people” do to each other, and I do count myself in that too, I am guilty at times of passing judgment also, I try and catch […]
I failed again :(all they did was forcefully pump pills from my stomach and ship me off to a mental hospital for three days worth nothing. I drew a picture on the wall with a girl with a noose and they thought to keep me longer but mom wanted me home. Wish she would have left me there.now i have to contemplate doing it again cause its not gonna stop till im dead.but i wish it would. Pills are useless.i need to be more creative. I will try drinking dishwasher soap this time . though I don’t know when. And i hope these are my […]
This is my first post. I just wanted to say that it’s really refreshing to see so much honesty. That’s all.
I went out, was invited got buzzed felt crappy, i hated being there, i hated myself, everyone there knew how messed up i was. I was there for hours. They offered for me to stay sleep over.. But i just wanted home. So i walked in the cold and went home. I wanted to stay but I didnt. Maybe I’ll stay next time.
It’s been a while since I posted here. I’m in a bad place today. Just wanted to say hello. Thanks.
Im sorry fellows, i dont give a crap about new year or what ever people make up to celebrate, tomorrow is just another day. And yes every new day is the best day to start over.
I never did, i just used to take advantage (of the celebration ) to be with the person that i loved.
But now i really dont care.
But if i could wish something i could choose to get my heart stunned, so stunned that i wouldnt even bother try to talk or meet new friends, girls.. After all i lost all i wanted to be.
It is always an effort, and it feels […]
I have no idea where to start this. I suppose I will begin with saying that it is 5:42 AM and I have accepted that I have grown so bored of life that I am beginning to think that maybe I just wasn’t meant to be alive. I have been bored for so fucking long I can’t even remember a time when I was genuinely interested in anything. I desperately need change in my life, I cant keep reliving the same god-damn day over and over it’s driving me insane. I am trying so hard to find something that will make me interested in living […]
I started getting involved in things I do love. I hung out with family today, even though I didnt want to. I tried being nice, also I didn’t want to. I’m applying to jobs, reading and talking about the walking dead books and show.. And doing things I love. I watched tv. Again. I like the show fargo. About to watch homeland. And I’m figuratively and literally putting one foot in front of the other.. Even though it hurts. I’m always going to try bettering myself.. I hate that it took 8 months to cope and maybe more.. But I’m trying and it does feel […]
after following this site for many years, I have worked up the courage to spill my guts. I knew it would eventually lead to this very moment. It used to hurt but now that I can wear a mask I don’t need it, the irony irritates me. The pain hurts momentarily before it overwhelms me and i go numb and it subsides. I don’t want to waste anyone’s time with a regurgitation of what others have felt. I’m no different after all I’m not special. The only thing I had was my philosophy and I lost that I lost everything. Money is meaningless. I’m no […]
It has been ten days since i moved back home. i don’t know what i feel right now. but my head keeps trying to find ways to escape from here. i was suppose to see the person i can talk to 10 days ago.but they were out of town. and i don’t want to text them and bother them during the holidays. i know they can help figure me out right now. i don’t want to go back to college. i hated college. i never wanted to go in the first place, but i had to. if i didn’t, i would have no […]
“If you really wanted to die you would be dead”, or “if they really wanted to kill yourself you would have done it another way”
For the longest time guys have been drawn to me, mostly ones older than me (5+ years older). I’m not meaning to make this sound like I’m stuck up or the most wanted girl, because I’m nowhere close to any of those things. But ever since my rape and molestation (starting when I was 3-4)I have noticed this almost target-like thing about me or that other guys see that draw them to me. I’ve had multiple older guys try touching me when I haven’t even led them on, so, is it bad luck? is this in my head? Or is there something that may be […]
Hi folks.
Well today ive tried to go for some shopping, looks like i need to buy a suit (new year party thingy), oh sweet, like i said i tried, i went to some shopping, but its so messy, so many people.. I had to give up, it took all my strengh. Than ive tried to go get a coffee in midle of town you know, just wanted to get it and to go near the river to sit in there and cry, yes because this try , sucked all i had, and again, people and traffic everywhere, gave up again.
Here i AM, tired, confused, near […]
Hello all, it’s been years since I last visited this site, under a different Alias. I wanted to share my experiences, maybe to give hope, maybe just to get things off my chest. I’m a male, mid 20’s. I was emotionally and physically abused, and I lost several friends (and a loved one) to suicide, and I myself attempted thrice. I was shattered, broken, and in a dark place. I felt unloved, unnecessary, and evil. I used to cut, and still get the urges whenever an episode strikes. I just wanted to say there’s hope.
I know it’s hard to believe, and nothing I can say […]
whenever i try to connect with someone i fail. i don’t know why i even try. then i get pissed off, either at the other person, or myself.
people bore me or intimidate me.
either way, i end up questioning myself because i don’t know why i find it so hard to relate to people.
i’m sick of people telling me i should change though.
a psychologist i saw lately told me i need to work on my communication skills, but it’s frustrating because i am who i am. i can try to change for the better, sure, but what if it’s genetic and i’m just legitimately stupid? i can’t do […]
Sighs recently i guess I’ve been doing anything to feel honestly now I’m just a piece of meat when i look in the mirror, first i did nothing but cut then i got to the point where i don’t feel it anymore it feels good sometimes, sex made me feel good so i had as much as i could get but now i just feel dirty and used (yeah guys can feel that way) and now i don’t know what to do ive cut as much as i could fit without it being too obvious now I’m just tired all the time recently I’ve wanted […]
I’ve said numerous times that I felt crazy, but nothing compares to this.
I feel so impulsive it scares me, like I can barely control myself. The anxiety is near constant and so overwhelming that my body becomes s0 physically agitated that I can’t stand it- at times I’ll cry and clutch my stomach, writhing in mental and sometimes physical pain.
I am so angry and sad and betrayed and- it feels like there is too much going on in my head. I know, rationally, I don’t want to lash out in anger, but the urge and pain is so strong. I know, rationally, that I could get through […]
So um, I guess I am kinda new here, ok? But eh… I kinda need someone to share this with. It’s been eating me for so long now.
So uhhh first, a bit of background: I am an “artist”. Which means I am a talentless amateur who can’t even draw a stick figure right! But whatever.
Have you heard of that site “deviantart”? It is frankly terrible. I frequent it.
So 2 years ago or so, there was this… it was kinda like an RP group. I was bored so ehh let’s join it. But applications were closed and you had to wait and they had a chatroom […]
I don’t know what I’m looking for from this, a place to get everything off my chest to hopefully clear my mind. This is going to be a long post.
I’m 17, male, currently attending a school that specialises in Mathematics, I’m studying Mathematics, Further Mathematics, Physics and Computer Science for my A levels. I have links to a cyber security firm who will give me a scholarship and put me through a computer science degree should I choose to go to university. I also have a huge interest in nuclear energy and want to see if I can get a job in that field. My […]