Trying to make my life more tolerable has resulted in me getting hurt once again. I was the “oops” baby, and i see that my parents try to accept me…But i know they never wanted me from the beginning. I have this indescribable feeling of emptiness that no professional, technique, or exercise can help with. I’ve used sex to coop, sex is great but it doesn’t change the reality of my problem. I’m tired of crying myself to sleep; thoughts of my future, my past, my family & friends, even my own funeral consume my mind. Im a strong person, but this pain inside of […]
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wanted
It’s mysterious,
the day you change,
suddenly feelings are engulfed by darkness,
and it feels as if you’re carrying a darker shadow than usual.
You wonder if people notice,
but you don’t think they can,
until you get that one person who says “Why are you so different all the time now?”
and you realize that everyone has noticed,
they’ve just been too polite to say anything.
You curse yourself,
but how could this be your fault?
This isn’t something you wanted,
this isn’t something you can change.
You swallow down the pills,
that numb your brain, feelings,
yourself.
To please you parents, your family, your […]
I guess I’ll write something, just to get it out. Suicide. I’m not sure I really desire suicide, I’m kind of just like this one person’s story I just read. Floating in between the lines of life and death. Not really wanting to die, but just wanting to disappear and have everyone forget about me. I’m kind of confused about myself.
Let’s see… about me. Their hasn’t really been any major incident in my life. I guess I was bullied by this one kid when I was young, but I’m kind of over it – just when I hear his name or see him I […]
You never let me do anything. You “said” you always wanted me to “grow as a person” but whenever I didn’t do exactly what you wanted, you hit me. You starved me for days without food, and called me names nobody should ever be called. You measured love by success and trophies, and made sure to cover up all my bruises before a competition. You stole my glory from me. My victories were never MY victories, whenever you talked to admiring parents, they became YOUR victories that I had gained because of you. While enduring this, the flute became my only friend. Well you know […]
This is it. I’ve finally reached the ultimate irreversible thought of suicide, and never going back to the ‘so called’ dumb shit life. It’s gonna be a slow suicide anyway, it’ll probably take about 2 weeks for me to be completely dead, without being taken to the hospital. Now the hardest part is to pretend like I’m not dying haha. I’d like to say sincere goodbye to my dumb life, and my closest one’s, who’d hurt me too much that I didn’t want to live anymore. I have no worries that I’m leaving my parents behind. They truly don’t need a worhtless child as me. […]
It’s funny how things work, I suppose. I always seem to end up right where I started; in the dark. I’ve been trying to sleep for the past few hours but nothing is working, I’m disgustingly wide awake.
I’m just going to write how I’ve been feeling lately in this post, you don’t need to read it, not at all I just need an outlet.
My older brother and his wife had moved out, right? well, they’re back. I should’ve expected it, I really should have. On top of that the man who made me first start to hate myself, my grandfather, lives here now too. That’s […]
I was born to a drug adict that loved being passed around bars and biker gangs! No father. First 7 yrs in and out of foster homes, out only when she wanted to feel like a mother. Finally left at an orphanage. 2 years later adopted, it took them all of 5 yrs to realize they didn’t want kids( or just me). Back into foster ” care” for all of high school. Joined they navy, didn’t fit in. A dozen or so girlfriends all cheaters, boy can i pick them. 84 jobs before 30. In that time ( mostly as a teen) tried to kill […]
I remember back when I was 19 years old, there was this big “civil rights controversy” that started in Florida where a Muslim woman wanted to have her drivers ID taken while fully covered in a burka, which covered every part of her face accept for her eyes. The far left jumped right on it, and bleed for her. Also Muslims are allowed to pray 5 times a day at work. These are not equal rights, these are special rights given to people who are religiously delusional. I don’t discriminate since I’m an atheist. These are not real rights!
i know someone near and dear to […]
I broke up with my girlfriend of three years almost two months ago now, and for her it was over a bit longer than that (I left the place we were living together at two months ago). I think I still love her but she already has a new boyfriend. I have been trying to get over her but I think it’s getting worse. I feel so empty and alone. I had a relatively good life before but now I feel like nothing can get better. I’m very insecure about myself.
I kind of know that it was my fault that she lost love for me. We […]
Went on a tinder date. Get this text message afterwards:
Hey. I just wanted to say how great of a person you are. You have a strong personality. You take on and take over quickly. With that being said I must be honest with you. I was having a great time but it was too much too quickly. I enjoyed it but I’m afraid this sort of relationship that we’ll likely develop is something I don’t want. I’m sorry I was too chicken shit to tell you in person but you are very nice and I couldn’t bare to hurt your feelings. I hope you […]
I’m going to try to not make this as long as it was going to be before.
To summarize my problem: I have spent every day of my life almost all the time thinking about why I do what I do and how I feel about any given thing. Imagining every experience I can and trying to gain and understanding of how everyone else feels about anything. All I have ever wanted in life, as many people do, was someone who saw value in me.
The problem is because I have such an insanely high level of understanding for other people, they can’t trick me at all. […]
the way i feel has no words. i live day in and day put of not being wanted by anyone. i am a burden to everyone i speak with. i annoy people. there’s something very off about who i am. why am i so strange?
i just want someone to listen to me. ive been used by others for disgusting factors. people tire of me easily
i bring bad luck to whomever im with
im just devastating as a person.
nobody at 18 years old should feel like me. i wish i was normal i wish i didn’t want to die. i wish someone cared. i wish […]
sometimes i just want to die! as most of us fucking do but seriously whats the point? to show everyone our life was shit? to let them win? well no thats fucking bullshit if we want to die its their fault and if we do kill ourselves that means that u r letting them win! dont you want to prove to these douche bags that we can achieve our dreams and that we arent worthless and even if we were sexually harrassed, or abused, or just treated terribly, or r strugging with depression dont u want to prove the rest of the world wrong? stay […]
My girlfriend doesn’t want to see me anymore as of yesterday.
She’s 20 years older than me, and is dealing with a lot of shit from her past marriage. I wanted move in and take care of her, which she wanted, too; but she’s stopped trying with us, and has decided to focus on the problems she had before we met.
I found myself briefly considering other women, but I feel numb. I loved her! I gave her everything I had, and I feel like I’m betraying her by considering other women! I feel like if I wait one more week, she’ll message me back and want me […]
I have very little sympathy for Bobbi Kristina’s family. They forced that poor girl to stay alive far too long after it was determined there was nothing they could do to save her. Whether she did it to herself or if her boyfriend killed her, whether she wanted to die or not, it’s safe to say that she suffered through 3 long years of unimaginable grief. I’m more inclined to believe that she killed herself, but that’s just me.
If I were her, all I would want is to be with my mother, not wasting a hospital bed while my family begs me to make […]
Right now I’m 16 and turning 17 on March. So the plan is to me nice to as many people as I can possibly be and then kill myself. Why? because I’m afraid of being judged both religious wise and Hunan wise.
None of you now my backstory. So just recently I’ve found out my whole life as been a lie. My dad divorced my mother before I was even born, because of me. Also my whole family (excluding my mother) wanted me dead, again before I was even born. And the worst part it that they pertain to care about me.
So I was unloved even […]
Your pain is truly tragic.
You hoped and dreamed.
However the world just
isn’t they way you planned.
It isn’t what you imagined.
Yet you sit here and say
“I will kill myself,
and make the pain go away.”
But it’s just a hope,
that something is better.
That leaving is going to be grand.
But what if,
it’s not quite,
what you hoped,
and dreamed,
it would be.
It’s not what you
Imagined,
not what you wanted.
Well doll,
there’s no going back.
3 months ago my fiance and I got into a fight and he pushed me. We had been together 9 years and nothing like this had ever happened before. We have a son together and he is truly the love of my life. I was freaked out when he pushed me and called my mother to come get us. This was the biggest mistake I could have made. The next morning I woke up in my mothers house still upset from the fight. She was being very pushy with me and ended up calling an expensive lawyer and the police without my consent. She embellished […]
My first post…
I often think of how welcoming of death I am. Some say they are scared, I am not. If I could only wave a wand and poof!
I have many many things in my life to be thankful for, particularly two kids that I could never see leaving.
i battle depression alone. My wife is the only person that knows, but she would never understand the thoughts in my head.
i have no real direction with this post, just rambling. I’m just excited to be here. I will post again.
just wanted to introduce myself.
Tired of hiding behind everything. Lost all motivation. Trying hard not to give up. Haven’t shed a tear today which is a change. Still tired of this bipolar suicide shit. I’m suicidal.. Now I’m not.. Now I am again.. This is one crazy planet. Wait I’ll just check with myself again I now may not be suicidal. Lol
I know no one can help me even ssri’s give me serotonin syndrome after only a few short days being on them. Which suck because the first day or two being on them is good.
God did you screw up giving life to me with a mental disease or […]