First I want to say that I am New to this site. Due to my search of painless suicide on Google. Also Im not writing this to get help or even expect anyone to actually read my nonsense. Im just tired and venting my pain. Because I hope to End my life soon. I dont want pity. I dont want people to worry about my children. they will go to my brother which I am going to have stated my my suicide note. Ive actually attempted 6 times since I was 13. which was my first attempt. Now I am going to apologize got grammar […]
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wanted
I want to share my story here in brief. I have everything in my life parents, good job , had higher studies but I am a very sensitive girl. I always wanted to have a true lover who can caRe for me more than anything, who can do anything to make me happy simply who can love me deeply. I have boyfriend but I don’t think he loves me that much. He thinks about himself . We had fights n I have tried attempts after that. I hurt myself physically but he is still same. He can’t wipe my tears off. I want to kill […]
God reached his hands down from the sky
God asked Noah if he wanted to die
He said “No Sir! Oh no Sir!”
God said, “Well then, here’s your future; it gonna rain”
then He flooded the land and He set it on fire
He said “fear me you fool, and know I’m your father,
remember that no one can breath underwater”
then God told his son it’s time for a boat,
He promised Noah would’nt die all alone,
“I need you to pay for the sins I create”
his son said “i will, but dad i’m afraid!”
“Well, here’s your future”
I have been in this depressed state for as long as I can imagine. I am now 20 years old and have been feeling hopeless ever since I was about 11 or 12. I’ve hated my life since then and nothing has gone right for me. This is the first time on this, making this my first post. I have had such a lonely life for as long as I can imagine and I’ve never felt worse than I do now.
I am basically the black sheep of my entire family. I do not talk to anyone, no on invites me to anything (from my cousins), […]
Tonight after I get to see my kids I will end my life. I have bought them a gift that will always remind them of me and how much I love them. It is my time to go to end my pain. I love my children and hope they will understand as they are 9 and 10. My two daughters are and always will be my angles!
What I wouldn’t give to have a woman one time tell me she loves me before I go. All I ever wanted was to be loved and be a good father. May those that are here find peace in […]
Hi again.
Today was pretty stressful, as are most days. I feel like I’m writing to a diary but people are actually commenting, so that makes me feel a little better about it. In the last post I used initials for the people’s names in case they find this and try and do something about it. My ex-best friend are out for blood, and it’s not their own.
Basically, my friend T is actually my friend, but I found it out a little later on. This morning she was hugging one of my friends and I walked up to her and she walked straight past me like I wasn’t […]
I realized that I don’t want to be alone, because being alone truly sucks. I am so unhappy with my physical appearance that it just depresses me and makes me so insecure. Over the past few months I have gained 22 pounds and until recently I lost 10 pounds. I feel so ugly and I want to change but its so hard, I guess I don’t want it bad enough huh? I gave my all to someone that took advantage of it and just hurt me. And now I’m afraid, I don’t want to do that again and so I don’t. I don’t let myself […]
Meh. Not sure what I should think about it. I mean I enjoyed it, we got to know each other better and I think she had fun too. Even though there were a couple of moments where neither of us said anything and it was kinda awkward, but not as bad as the usual awkward silence I get when I’m nervous. Speaking of, I’m glad I wasn’t actually as nervous as I thought I would be. But I’m not at the point yet where I’d say the “ice is broken”. Usually when I get to know someone new I can tell pretty well when that […]
I was a rebound. We weren’t even dating for 2 days. She didn’t even want me. Right when someone better came along she wanted to leave. So why did she even say yes in the first place and why does this hurt so much. It’s like I can’t stop crying..
dear sp, i just wanted to come and give an update on my current situation. things have been really sucky and i cannot seem to get ahead. the days are not bad cause i have places i can go, and things i can do. i am able to get on sp from our workforce computer but not at the librarey. they block it for some reason. its been two weeks now sleeping in the car in a walmart parking lot, and it is taking a serious toll on me. tanked really bad yesterday, and was not any better this morning. had decided to return the […]
My life feels like a story, but i havent gotten my happy ending yet so far things have being going wrong for me. I’ve always wanted to write a book about my life, but i dont know where to start. You think you guys can help me out? I think it would help me get things off my mind by not hurting myself. I think it would be better to write about my life then hurt it. Anyways just let me know if you want to help me out
I dont want to feel this way anymore, but the only way for ghe pain to stop is if i just end it end it all. Is it wrong for me want a perfect life, but i already know i will never get that. I got in a fight with my grandparents on saturday for that they made it seem like they dont care if i kill myself. I yelled at my grandma tell her they are the reason why i cut myself” and all she said was “go do it, kill yoursrlf ill care less. When she said that i just wanted to end […]
Ever since the start of my life, I have wanted it to end, to die.
I was a baby [ idk how old] and I simply DIDN’T want to live, so I ate Christmas lights. I remember that day. I didn’t want to be there and its not THERE that I didn’t want to be. It was there as in alive. I was searching for things to kill myself with and found Christmas lights. I figured the light and glass would kill me, so I ate them.
2 years old I tried to run in front of a car.
3 years old I tried to […]
I have not had suicidal thoughts. However, I know the pain of loneliness and the feeling of being hated and not being wanted. I know other people that have had suicidal thoughts. It is not worth it. There are many other alternatives for the pain, and there are many other people who care for you, even if you don’t think so. And if you think you do know that there is no one that cares for you, you still have one person. Me. I may not know who you are or what you look like, but I can tell you that you are a living, […]
Today I bought razor blades and then went home and listened to King Gordy time to die. It brought me comfort reminding me of when I would take a knife to my basement and listen to the same song. I feared I had changed a lot since I began consuming and shipping drugs but this helps remind me of my old innocent self. But even then I was suicidal, I recently read from an old journal I had about how much I hated my father getting drunk and my mother yelling, which is funny because I don’t recall my father getting drunk upsetting me that […]
In solitude, steadily moving towards what is not mine: a sense of tranquility. An artificial sense of gratitude steeps through the thought of tranquility, tranquility becomes a symbol of your demise. The feeling of gratitude to what is not wanted: it’s betrayal, that betrayal is present in the tranquility: the tranquility of the – ordinary! The ordinary is a distinction of your-self from the rest, they’re ordinary, you’re authentic. The meaningless feeling of tranquility they enjoy, cannot be a result of emptiness filled with the necessary elements that gratitude feeds on to manifest. Why you want that tranquility, you just can’t figure. In the end, that […]
Life has been on the skids for some time, but I always gave what mother called”good face”. I had a name, a good reputation, a person people asked advice or leaned on for support. Recently my significant other and i were arguing, (been living together for 10 years). She decided to try some Tough Love and kick me out. She hoped this would shock me into listening to her, and doing what she wanted, and then I would be told I could stay. She called my elderly father, who drove over and proceeded to convince him I was mentally ill and had emotional problems. Meanwhile […]
Lately my whole life has falling apart. Im 24 in California. Iv been with my gf for 5yrs. Iv left my whole family just to be with her here. (My family is in Michigan). So after 5yrs now she isn’t in love with me anymore. She says she loves me but shes not “in love with me”. She broke up witb me yesterday and now idk what to do.. like wtf iv built my whole life around her. Iv given her everything she ever wanted. I put her before myself and now it means nothing i cant just uproot myself whenever she feels like it. […]
There’s no doubts that now you’re not longer mine, You never were but I swear that what you gave me, made me feel like it was real; that I wasn’t dreaming. It hurts but it’s done. It’s so fucking hard to understand, but not impossible to knew that this was going to happen.
And just remember that besides you’re with someone else, and even that I know that the fucking time will pass, I will never ever forget you, besides everything I’ll love you. I love you.
To whom you decided to love, I don’t really know if she’s aware of the blessing that she […]
I guess many can say I’m overreacting. Many would say the cliche “there’s plenty of fish in the sea”. But I am done.
21 years of my life someone actually returned their feelings. Someone made me happy. We were in love.
I have been used, manipulated, led on and abandoned. But this person…they weren’t anything like that.
They were innocent. They weren’t capable to do such things. But my past hurt, and my mental illness drove us apart and I feel much worse than before.
I was suicidal and planned but they came into my life and saved me. They picked up the pieces and glued me together. But […]