I want to swallow all my pills. I am unsure about wanting to die. But this exsistence seems meaningless. And lonely. I want all the things im supposed to hate. Alcohol. Cigarettes. My bulimia. Sex eith strangers. I want all of it to help ease my sadness, my lonely, my anxiety and insecurity. I feel so desperate and lonely. Why am i all alone.
Tag:
wanting
I’ve been going on and off this site for the past few days wanting to say something, but I just can’t find the way to do it. I’ve been having a lot of problems lately, and it seems I’m falling into depression once again, like if happiness was nothing but a dream, and when you think you’re grasping it, it just gets away from you. The only thing that I’m certain of is that I’m alone yet again, or I’m about to be. Alcohol wasn’t the solution to my problems, and I found out that the harsh way. Apparently I’m replaceable too; I’m noticing I […]
this reminds me of a book i read, a website similar to this. im glad i have somewhere to vent. i just wonder why no methods are allowed to be shared, it honestly would’ve been nice. but back to the juicy stuff. i am a transgender boy in iowa. ive attempted suicide once before. parents never took me to therapy or got me on antidepressants. i came out to my parents via an email from my school. fun. they said they support me, but have not used proper pronouns, name, or discussed me being on testosterone. (i dont even know if i spelled that right.) […]
In the past week I have lost almost everyone…everything. For a while, weeks, months, years maybe, I’ve been wanting to escape. Escape it all…all at once. The pain. The fear. The loss. The confusion. The depression. Everything. Gone. But how? There’s so much to leave behind but so much to let go. How do you grow the courage to make your decision?
I’m tired of punching walls, I’m tired of feeling sad, I’m tired of having an empty burn inside my chest, I’m tired of hearing voices, I’m tired of being surrounded by people who don’t know my name. I’m tired of wanting to end my life every single day. i really wish i wasn’t so tired..
I’ve been so focused on music.. And futures.. And now i can’t help but sit here and feel that everything is becoming just pointless. I haven’t had this feeling for a long time. A feeling of wanting to die.
But that’s the problem. I don’t want to die. I just want certain things that don’t exist… I can write songs to try to capture this perfect world.. Or write stories where it’s real… But all of that is just ignoring the reality. The reality that, none of that is real. It’ll never be real.
I see long endless plains and hills in my paradise. Nature everywhere. […]
Alright well I can say I’m ok but I’d be lying. Then again it might be better to lie and smile and act as if I am ok and nothing is wrong… this is what I tell myself when ever anyone asks are you ok…or how are you… I guess its time I be honest. Well its been happening since age 6. My mom ain’t in the room, or my at school teaching, at the store whichever. So me and my dad and brother are home. We seem to get in arguements alot my brother overreacts easily as well as my dad next thing i […]
I keep trying to tell myself that it’s alright, but it just doesn’t feel like it is. Everything is continuously getting worse, & I don’t understand why?? Like I try to get better but I’m just to the point where I don’t care if I’m better or not, you know? My grades are slipping & it’s not even half way through the first quarter. I wake up in the morning just wanting to come home & go right back to bed. It kind of really sucks, but it’s fine, I guess. Oh well. I don’t really have much to say. I just really needed to get that […]
Up until I hit middle school, I like to think I was a normal kid. A little shy, but I had friends and liked myself. I didn’t know it was possible to dislike yourself.
My middle and high school years have their own stories to them, but I’ll share them another time. Basically, wearing glasses, having acne, and I guess just something about my personality in general marked me as a target in middle school. My high school years were spent avoiding any sort of attention, even though I looked a lot different and likely wouldn’t have been made fun of anymore. I was terrified of […]
Ever had memories so intense that you just wanna bang your head against the fn wall until they go away?
by wndozh8er
written by wndozh8er
i remember in school, I had a couple times when girls pretended to like me and than made fun of me with there friends the next day. I remember this one was wanting to meet me at the park. Ha never happened.
The reason I brought this up is because that’s exactly what happened to me yesterday but over the fn Internet. I just wanna get all these memories out of my head. One tragedy always leads to existential breakdowns with me. Alcohol, pills, there only temporary. Death is forever.
I hate roller coasters…..the rides and the emotional ones. I want this fucking shit to just stop. […]
i have been wanting to die for a decade. When I first came on here, I was really looking at 6 months to a year to live, enough for a “peaceful death”. Now that everything crashed around me on top of the crap I already been going though, I can’t stand another moment on this BBBofBS. The depression and PTSD is so bad that it hurts.
Thanks to my basement, I got a nice little workshop going on. Building two unique things that should make me pass out faster.
when I go to the doctor this week I’m gonna ask for sleeping pills “because I been having […]
Have you ever asked yourself, “when would suicide be the right thing to do?” What line needs to be crossed before killing oneself is justified? And once one finds justification for killing oneself, what possible future is there for them if they can’t? This is where I am. Struggling in vain to find a way to end it. Too cowardly to do anything painful, too selfish to give up wanting. I don’t want to die, I just deserve to. I’m not finding a way to cope. The world would be a better place without me. Everyone with whom I come into contact ultimately ends up […]
im tried talking to my aunt once again about helping me with supplies I need for euthanasia. I gave her all my logical reasons, told her that I’d feel so much relief just by having it here, even if I wasn’t gonna use it right away. I told her that it’s not fair to force me to live without a peaceful means out and that if I continu living, I’m probably gonna die a painful death anyway. She said “I’ll make you a deal, if you ever become terminally ill I’ll help you”. But I’m NOT terminally ill! I want this instrument of euthanasia. Even […]
Hi my name is X,
I am 19 and have been struggling through the last 4 years.
Here is a brief run down of my past.
I first started feeling suicidal when I was 16 for the first year I convinced my self it was nothing as most teenagers go through so I put it down to the bulling and no social life.
When I was 17 the feelings still hadn’t stopped even though I had a job and had a nice girlfriend. I was getting more depressed and down and had being going to see multiple counsellors, I was the only one aware of my feelings. […]
I have felt like shit for so long, I don’t remember what it’s like to feel normal.
Since the fifth grade, I have been dieting because one of my friends constantly told me my thighs were fat. I compared myself to her daily: She was pretty, had good grades, had a Mom lot of boys wanting to be her boyfriend, and I had jack shit.
In sixth grade, I started self harming. I was caught, but nothing came of it and I started to do it again about a month later.
In seventh grade, I started getting bullied. I would get shoved in the halls and would get called ******, […]
Someone please tell me why after all I’ve been through, after all the measures I’ve taken to make sure I never wound up back there again, why am I back there again? Why am I losing everything that has ever mattered to me in a matter of less than two weeks? Why does it seem he doesn’t love me anymore, even though two weeks ago, we got engaged? Why do I feel as if nobody cares for me anymore? Why am I slipping back into the place of just wanting to die and end my life, and nobody would care anyway? I know it’s a […]
“Did you really wanna die? No one commits suicide because they want to die. Then why did they do it? Because they wanna stop the pain.” – Tiffanie DeBartolo
by Dusty96
written by Dusty96
Found this quote and thought of it to be very true. I’m done. I’m sorry mom, dad, and brother but I need to do this. When I get the chance I’m hanging myself. I have no motivation to get a job, start a career, or just live in general. Nothing appeals to me in life. I’m a broken soul with no home here. I have parents that love me and I have a roof over my head and I should be grateful for that which I really really am but I don’t want it. I just don’t want to be here anymore. The depression hasn’t […]
i don’t understand how people can be there one day and then all of a sudden they’re gone.
It’s not fair that we should talk every day for weeks on end and create this beautiful friendship where we are open and honest with each other and then lose it all. And for what? We got together and I spent the night at your house and we stayed up talking and kissing and, to put it in a word, caressing one another. Then when I admit my feelings to you, you shoot me down. It’s cool if you don’t want a relationship, I can live with that. […]
Rule #1: you’ve got to have fun, but when you’re done, you’ve got to be the first to run
Rule #2: don’t get attached to somebody you could lose
Rule #3: wear your heart on your cheek but never on your sleeve (unless you want to taste defeat)
Rule #4: gotta be pure. kiss him goodbye at the door and leave him wanting more
So living with constant depression and daily suicidal thoughs has changed me and my mind into things I wish never existed. I think most people going through the same things would agree with me when I this.
1.) Everytime someone asks me if I am doing okay, I have to put a fake smile on my face and say I am fine because I don’t want people to see how much depression truly controls me.
2.) I can’t take my necessary daily medicines without thinking of overdosing.
3.) I can’t cross the road without the thought of wanting a car to hit me crossing my mind.
4.) I can’t […]