I hate this unborn thing. I wish I could get rid of it but the father wants it. Im too far along to get a pill abortion. Most people I know are excited about the thing. I dont feel any connection to it. I HATE it. Im not ready for a leech Im never going to love. I wish it would hurry up and die so I can get back to my life or death or whatever Im looking for. I hate you leech. I will never learn to love you. I HATE YOU!
Tag:
wants
You don’t have to make your breathing stop to be actually dead. There’s this self-therapy to make you go bat-shit insane. You’ll laugh and cry until the two blur together like an ugly blur of paint colors and you won’t be able to paint a picture, no, but you’ll be able to rot in the trash. No one wants grey paint
Go to sleep and scare yourself. It works. Lucid dreaming. Frighten yourself to the point of numbness
Have you ever stared in the mirror for too long? That pale fleshy creature morphs into something twisted and grey and demonic, hollow, empty, dead!!! And yet alive…..
Last night […]
yesterday when i was done and tried to kill myself, i found out something new about myself :i’m so coward . i was REALLY angry of being alive but i couldn’t kill myself i couldn’t cut my wrist with blade. i tried but it was painful so i just ended up crying like a little child and now i have another reason to hate myself. i always thought that i can kill myself if i really want to but i was absolutely wrong.
my sister told me that she loves me and begged me not to kill myself. i remember once she cried so hard on […]
My husband just wants to hit me. He stays mad at me about everything and somehow it’s all always my fault. I don’t have close friends or family to go to, and women’s shelters only give you 45 days maximum to find a place to live, which isn’t guaranteed, and especially not for someone who hasn’t had a job in a long time because I’ve been busy helping my husband with his failing business and his new job. I have nothing to live for and no hope that I’ll find a job that will make enough that I can take care of myself…If I can […]
It’s wonderful to be a little pawn in the chess game called divorce. I’m being fought over by both sides. I can only keep my sanity when I’m living with my dad. I’m an emotional crutch for my mother, a dress-up doll for my grandmother.
My dad is trying to make the divorce as smooth as can be. Basically, my mother’s side has to also be happy. And they want me. So he must surrender me in the process. I’m screwed. I have no fucking choice in the matter. I have to watch my four year old brother while doing online school work, wasting away in […]
All my life people always tell me that I am so strong. But I’m not. I’m not strong at all. I’ve just been through a lot of things and I’m still here. Just because I’m a survivor doesn’t mean I’m strong. People always tell me that I can handle anything, that I’m “superhuman.” It’s stupid…No one is superhuman. Just because I’ve gone through things and keep on going doesn’t mean I’m strong. It means I don’t look back. I just keep moving forward, but sometimes I question why. Why should I move forward? For what purpose?
Most would say I have a good life. I have […]
im bored and lonely and wish I had what it took to end it all. if anyone wants a friend, email me at m.33az@yahoo.com
antiprincess@cutey.com
So, to make this simple, i fucking hate myself. I am not (and will never be) content with who i am. Nothing is actually wrong with me, i would just thoroughly enjoy killing myself. I am only posting this to relieve myself of hatred, or at least attempt to. I don’t care for sympathy. I do not want help. Nothing will ever stop these thoughts, no matter what anyone tells you. I have more friends in my head than i do in real life, simply because we share the same interests; death. The absolute ONE reason i am still alive is my boyfriend. I don’t […]
So, my only actaul friend that I have, is embarrassed to tell people that we hang out. I kind of picked up on this a few months ago when a few of her other friends didn’t like me so for a while she wouldn’t talk or hang out with me. Then she started messaging me to come over to my house to drink all the time, and that’s about it. Any time I offered her to come with me to the mall or movies, she’d tell me she’s busy. Eventually, I found out that she blew me off to hang out with people who strongly […]
My wife came and stayed with me last night. And brought one of our kids. I missed her. We lived together. Then we were separated due to her fake beatfriend/roomate giving her altimatums on me being there. Today is the fifth day we’ve been living apart. Last night went great. Of course we bickered about what has been going on and stuff sence I’ve been gone the house isn’t a home . its been turned into a frat house. She promises to have me back home soon. She promises to have me back in her arms. In our bed with our pup and our normal […]
Well I’m 16 and i’ve made a lot of stupid mistakes academically speaking. And just in general. I decided to do online schooling one year in 8th grade because school was so stressful to me at the time. I failed the grade. This made me feel so bad about myself but I went back to school for a solid two years. Managed to pass both grades. Then now, this year, I just didn’t ever go. I had already made up my mind to just commit suicide. I concluded I would never amount to anything but thought, “Hey, I’ll give myself a little vacation first if […]
I’m 21 and I’m already tired of this life. I don’t want to die..just want to disappear. I’m ready to give up everything I have, just to be in a better place. I started self harming last year. All these years, I was trying to be strong and pretending that I was normal after every shit that I’ve been through. Lying is more of a habit because nobody really wants to listen to your shit. Family still thinks that I’m fine and I’m scared to ask for help.
Day by day, I’m losing my sanity, cuts are getting more deeper and memories are fading.
Sometimes […]
Still struggling. All this time.
I managed to get my life together. I thought I would be happier with a job. With animals. With a boyfriend. It just goes to show you ignoring depression doesn’t work. Now I have more responsibilities.and still want the same. Death. I have been thinking about it more and more. A familiar face. My boyfriend’s apology. And I’m sucked in. UNleash these thoughts and then it is endless for hours and hours, just thinking and researching and wondering. I talk myself out of it at the end of the day. I lose hours and hours to it then. A sick fascination with […]
Alienation.
The word that I believe best sums up my state of mind as well as any other. I wish I could just feel something- anything.Even anger would be good, but even that eludes me.
I don’t suffer from mood swings, I seem to lack the depressive despair evident in some of the other posters I see on this website, although I feel that I can strongly relate to some of the other posts I see here. I’m not upset about a breakup with my girlfriend of the loss of the of a job- I’ve never had the former to lose and I have managed to hold […]
My depression is continuing to get worse. I’ve reached a new point where I find that I’m actually starting to enjoy this feeling of despair. I’m starting to enjoy all of the emotional pain, the loneliness, the emptiness, the sorrow. It’s strange, just a few days ago I hated it and all I wanted was to be happy. But lately, I’ve been craving it. It almost gives me a kind of high. I think maybe it’s because I’ve been like this for so long, that it’s starting to grow comfortable. Happiness feels so foreign now, that I just want to crouch back into my dark […]
I want somebody to be with. I don’t deserve it. Right now it feels like I have no chance with anyone. But that doesn’t stop me wanting it.
I’ve completely fucked up my life, beyond repair. But that doesn’t stop me obsessing over what could have been.
I signed up to an online dating site, more from desperation than anything. The matchmaking system threw up a woman who seems ideal – warm, nice-looking, geeky, down to earth, clever, quirky. I keep looking at her profile, re-reading her answers to questions, wanting to message her. But what would I say?
‘Hi, you seem like just the kind of woman […]
So Friday a teacher that I talk to, told me that she wants me to help her in building my self esteem. I don’t know what to do. I’m so use to feeling down and taking pain pills and cutting myself, I don’t know if I can change or if I’m even WILLING to change. I told her I wasn’t willing to try and she told me to think about it and tell her my answer Monday. I don’t want to hurt her, when we finished our conversation Friday she walked away wiping her eyes. I know how much she loves and cares about me […]
Well, i’ve been on a diet and daily exercise since more than 4 months. Didn’t work.
I’
m gonna start college soon and i’m tired. I struggle with this since I can remember. I just want to know how it feels to be fit, confident and such…
I hate my body image and wake up every day just to see it and feel it again and being watched by others too.
I just don’t know what to do anymore.
Also maybe my ex bf and I will meet again this year and I just wanted to give him a surprise.
Damn it.